A
female
age
36-40,
*ellybeans
writes:Before I start shooting my question, I want to thank you all for reading my post. This is not about relationships, however, it has been bothering me since it happened.Today, my friend's gf arranged a surprise dinner for him in a near by city. In order to get me there, she asked her friend A, a girl who I have never met, to give me a ride. I met A on the street, and started talking to her while we were heading to the party. We both recently graduated from college so we started talking about majors, internships, and jobs. 30mins through our conversation, I asked her what her last name was.She said:"Good question.." and then told me a last name, which turned out to be completely made up. After the night ended, she added me on facebook, and that was when I figured out her prank and started feeling weird.I told her the reason asked about her last name was because I used to see her pictures through a mutual friend's account. She told me that she liked to pretend. However, what she did to me was something I thought girls would only do in a Bar, to strangers who they have no intention to develop further relationship with. I felt extremely humiliated and even frightened. For the whole night, I was grateful that she gave me a ride and everything I told her was real. Who knows what else she told me could have been fake and how stupid was I to engaged in a conversation with her to talk about her made-up stories. I am straight, and I am in an awesome relationship with my amazing BF. so really, this incident has nothing to do with me having a crush on her. She is a pretty girl, and she spent time to pick me up and bring me back home for her friend; at the dinner, she was also the patient photographer who took lots of pictures for us. I was just shocked that, at the same time, she could be so disrespectful and lied to me because she did not expect any further contact with me.So my questions are: Why do you think she made up a fake name? Under what circumstances would you lie about your name to a person of the same gender? Was it possible that I was showing characters of not trust-worthy, and therefore, she lied about her name. Am I over-reacting? Next time when I meet a mutual friend, should I just shut up because lots of people tend to do the same?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 July 2010):
 Honestly, I would let it go. It seems like a really weird thing to do. I have never told a friend of a friend a fake name & story ever.
I have, however given a fake phone number to guys who just wouldn't take no for an answer. ( I worked as a bartender for quite a few years through college) I gave them the local scrap yards phone number ...
I would ask my friend ( who knows this girl) why she would do something like that, but other then that I would let it go. I would NOT add her on my MySpace/Facebook.
Some people are "social chameleons" they try and blend in and adapt to whomever they talk to. Mostly because they are insecure and socially a little inept.
She really doesn't seem like friend material.
A
male
reader, Afterglow +, writes (14 July 2010):
 One of the things I have learned over the years is to NOT look for rational explanations to irrational behavior. There is always going to be a disconnect. Regardless of the answer, you are always going to feel that there was a "better" way to handle it.I understand your confusion and befuddlement. What I don't understand is why you feel personally disrespected. You totally dismissed any issue she may or may not have and made it totally about you. It went from "She pretended" to "I'm Straight", "She lied to me", "Am I Untrustworthy?"Take it down a thousand. You don't know her and she does not know you. What you DO know is that she was kind and considerate enough to pick you up and take you back from the party. So, she didn't give you the indication that she was looking to become life long buddies- move on. Let it go. This woman has no significance in your life.She could just be a whimsical girl who all of a sudden decided to give a false "last" for no real reason at all, but for her own personal amusement. Or, she could be related to someone or some organization with some type of notoriety that she doesn't want to be directly associated with via her last name. Who knows? There are as many reasons a person would give a different last name as there are people with odd personalities.This experience was just that...an experience. You are going to meet a lot of people in life who click with you immediately, and some who you will never be on the same page with. That's part of the process of development. What you SHOULD NOT do is to allow a weird situation to change your personality. If you are personable then continue to be personable. If you are friendly and open, then continue to be friendly and open. I firmly believe that, in most instances, you get back what you put out. If you are a nice, warm and engaging person, then you will you mostly attract nice, warm and engaging people. If you start to shut down and be less social, people will pick up on that and respond to you accordingly. You are stepping out of your usual social circle...great..that fosters growth. You are going to encounter a plethora of personality types out there. What you SHOULD NOT do is paint all perspective interactions with a stranger/ new person with the same broad paint brush you used on Ms. I-gave-a-fake-last-name. You are going to meet some cool people. You are going to meet some odd people. The only thing you have control over is your level of consistency. Meaning, are you always a nice, warm and engaging person EVERY TIME you meet someone new? Or, do you present yourself differently when you meet different people. Plain and simple....all you can do is "Be the type of person, you would like to meet" and not take anything personal from a stranger who has no significance in your life.Good Luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): Overreacting much? does it matter she lied too you? shes a stranger anyway and yes it might been silly but no harm done too you. Did you have a crush on her? I can't sew why else you would care so much.
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A
female
reader, jellybeans +, writes (14 July 2010):
jellybeans is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto DrPsych,
I use to only hang out with classmates and roommates. now I am trying to meet more people at friends' gatherings. I actually learned a lot from people out of my field and what this girl did to me has is making me doubt whether I was doing it correctly. I feel talking to new people really helped me to broaden my horizon, so when I meet someone new, I am always friendly and tends offer what I have.
What happened last night was very shocking to me. I started to think maybe I should have some reserve when talking to people and do not completely believe in what they say because if she lied about her name, who knows what else she could have lied about?
I was also discouraged that she did not even plan to have any further contact with me even after we talked for 30mins. In fact she probably did not care how I see her since it was easy for me to figure out her real name. For instance, I have her phone number, and I am her friend's friend.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (14 July 2010):
 I think you are over-reacting, or rather over-analysing the situation. She probably does the same initiation routine to everyone new she meets...it is nothing personal against you. In all probability she is feeling quite insecure and therefore likes to make herself seem more interesting to her peers (who are probably in on the 'joke'). It is probably just a phase she is going through and eventually she will grow up. Alternatively she has a personality disorder which makes her a pathological liar who is not really capable of deep and meaningful relationships. This is fairly rare but if it were the case...why would you care about her behaviour? She wouldn't exactly be someone you would wish to be friends with or see again?
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