A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a white girl that met and fell in love with an Asian guy, we had a baby over a year ago. His family have never acknowledged our baby or me. He used to visit them to meet his children to his ex partner who is also white btw. In the end and probably partly due to me not liking him going and not thinking of how this hurt me and my baby he stopped visiting, they refuse to acknowledge our baby but it has resulted in him not seeing his other children (his ex will only allow them to have contact at his family home to make sure they never meet me or our baby) it has now been 7 months of no contact with his children and an ongoing legal battle with ex but he is so depressed.... how can I help???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2014): Thank you, they were not together but I think they split not long before and he still gave her hope they would sort things eventually.
I have tried suggesting he goes but he refuses and says its too late.
I don't think he would dare take me or the baby, when he mentioned our baby they made it clear he won't be accepted by any of the family members.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 December 2014):
 I am going to make a BIG ASSUMPTION here:
If he was still in a relationship with his now ex partner when you and he met and fell in love, and then had a child it could take a very long time for this situation to resolve itself.
There will be a lot of anger from the former partner towards you for taking the father of her children from him, if he left her for you that will make you a bad person in her eyes, and not somebody she wants to be influencing her children.
Your partner is being pulled in many directions ....... pulled by his other children, pulled by his parents and pulled by you and the child you share with him.
You can help ease some of that by encouraging him to visit his other children at some stage over the Christmas period, and if that means you have to spend half a day on your own then so be it. If it is not too late for him to contact his parents to see if his children will be visiting them over the next few days then encourage him to do it.
Once he has re-established contact with his kids and started to rebuild the parent/child relationship things will move a little better. It will still be a slow process but at least he will have taken the first step.
He could also put you and the baby in the car and drive to his parents house, leave you and babe in the car while he goes in and tells them their new grandchild is outside if they are interested in meeting him/her. He can then bring them out to the car, introduce you, introduce the baby, give them a quick cuddle of the baby, and then leave. You should not expect more than a polite greeting at this stage, but it will be an ice breaker.
Take small steps, very small steps, think of the ties that bind you all together as having come unraveled and now need to be picked up and re woven into a newer, different fabric.
I do hope everybody has the maturity to take this slow and steady and not expect miraculous results without putting in a lot of hard work.
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