A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriiend lost rights to his daughter due to being locked up and his babys mom being psychophrentic....(sorry about the misspell lol) and loosing her rights. He is very upset about the whole thing. He has trust issues with me too after he caught me out lying. Tomorrow is fathers day and I want to do something nice for him without it hurting him more. any suggestions? He got me flowers for mothers day and I'm not even a mother....
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 June 2011):
 Very bad anger issues must be a big strain for you. As you tip toe over egg shells. Has he ever sought help or been ordered to get help for his anger. Because if he has not, then he may benefit from counselling to address his anger management issues.
Please keep safe. It is not easy enduring a partner with anger management issues.
Yes I do understand that he would feel
justified every time he mouths off. Losing his child to be brought up by others would seriously hurt his and sap his spirit.
But that does not mean you put up with any unacceptable behavior.
But in this instance I think it might be better to err on the side of caution. Run by him first, your preferred idea for Father's Day.
Make sure he is in agreement first, with anything you propose.
Anger management issues often mean silly disagreements over little things blown up into molten lather IF things get out of control.
So take care. It would not be easy at times.
He needs to be reminded that you are on his side and you are willing and Able
to 'be there' for him
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes he does have very bad anger issues
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 June 2011):
hi
Your boyfriend would be deeply hurt at losing access to his daughter. Does he have anger issues? For both the mother and the father to lose access to their child is truly tragic. Courts can be tough, but usually at least one parent gets some access, even supervised access.
I am not sure a present would be right.
Losing rights access/visiation to see one's child/children would surely rank as the most heartbreaking event. Not seeing all the wonderful milestones in their child's life.
It would eat into his heart. And burn him up inside. And affect him deeply.
So even an outing on Father's day would only remind him more about what he is missing, were he to see happy families with their children.
I suspect I would be more likely to suggest getting an interesting DVD and making an extra nice lunch that day. And a simple acknowledgement of how much he means to you with a card that only says 'thanks for being such a good friend'
And take the focus off father's day.
It was very kind of him to remember Mother's Day.
You could also discuss with him your understanding of his pain of losing visitation rights to his child. Perhaps ask him how he would like to treat Father's Day in the future?
He may not be interested, but one way to pour out his feelings to his child, even if access/visitation is denied is for him to start up a paper based journal. In which he enters any thing he wants to share with his child. For his child to read when the child reaches 18. This journal will be a test of his maturity. For the journal should not denigrate his ex. Health issues of his ex are not the fault of his ex. He should also try not to cuss in the journal, remembering it will become a regular snapshot of all the wisdom he would like to share with his child, but cannot.
If he likes the journal idea, then you could purchase a strong thick journal for him to start writing in.
Best of luck with this.
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