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anonymous
writes: Hi, I have never been lucky enough to find the right guy for me. I am 18 and have realised that there is this person that I really like. Unfortunately there are a few snags and problems to the scenario. I work with him at work, he is 26 and married. I originally thought about this for a long time and kept putting off my feelings inside due to the fact knew he was happily married. I don't know if he has feelings for me in the same way I have developed for him, but he acts differently towards me. We mess about have a laugh and joke. I can talk to him like no one else before, and him the same. When I am with him at work I feel safe, secure, trusted, relied upon, needed, like never before. I really don't know what to do as I can't stop thinking about my position and it is getting to the stage where I try so hard to have less contact with him at work because I am scared to let my feelings become apparent. I have never had any feelings for a bloke before and am worried of upsetting him and saying something I shouldn't. I don't think that there could possibly be anything between us because he is married, so how do I convince myself that what we have is a really really good friendship? There are so many questions running through my mind I dont know what to do. Some friendly advice would be much appreciated on the subject.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 March 2005):
 You're on the right track, reminding yourself that he's married. Now what you have to do is remember that he hasn't shown any overt romantic interest in you at all, so there are no sparks for you to avoid. It's plain that he likes you and enjoys working with you, but from what you've written, he's only ever been friendly and professional at work. That's a big tick for his personality.The other point to remind yourself, is that giving into your sense of temptation could ruin his marriage and make it impossible for you two even to be friends. Definitely not worth the risk!Don't allow yourself to fall into situations where you're going to be alone with him for too long, if you can avoid it. He may be a lovely person, and happily married, but he's human too. If he's unsupervised and knows that you're attracted to him, the temptation to play around might be more than he can reasonably cope with. What this experience shows you is what kinds of characteristics you want in your own boyfriend. You write that he makes you feel safe, trusted, needed and that you two have a good laugh when you're together. Those are GREAT features to look for in blokes you want to go out with, so tuck that information away in your brain and when you find an (unmarried) man who makes you feel that way, you'll consider him in more depth.At 18, you hardly have to worry about not having 'found the right guy'. Don't start writing your romantic memoirs just yet! Good heavens, your dating life has barely even started!I suspect that you haven't really dated extensively, and that, like a lot of people, you take your time feeling comfortable with members of the other sex. That's a good thing! It also explains why you've found yourself drawn to your married co-worker; you've had a long while to get to know him and, since he's married and not interested, there's been no pressure on you.Just keep in mind all the good things about this guy that you like and be on the look out for those characteristics in other men as well. Good luck.
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