A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so tonight I was at my aunties and uncles house, and I'm really close with my cousins. So me and my cousin were watching a film in the front room but I was on the side of his chair so I could go on the computer, he put is arms round my waist and left his hands just above my belt buckle. I thought nothing of this of course but then slowly he started moving his fingers further and further down, into my underwear. Every time someone came close to the door he'd take them out and when I said what are you doing he'd just act all inoccent. When I'd get up to go and "get a drink" I'd come back and he'd just do the same. What should I do? He's been like my best cousin since we were little kids, which brings me to the fact he used to try and kiss me and not just a peck, I mean tongues. Am I meant to just stay quiet?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell heres an update
had the family over for easter and obviously he come too i tried avoiding him but i fell asleep when i woke up his hands were in my girl boxers again so have no idea what happened. i got up straight away and walked off to my room and he kept following me and even followed me into my actual bed and started putting his arms around me etc he wouldn't move to get me out but luckily food was ready and he went off.
i really don't know what to do i've tried acting off with him and telling him to fuck off but he's still acting innocent and I'm still in a position of not being able to tell my parents as i got my wrist pierced without them knowing and he knows so he could easily tell them about it
there's also the fact it'll tear my family apart =/
A
female
reader, JohuraK5 +, writes (4 March 2009):
 Explain to him that you are cousins and you don't see him in that way. Try not to be in the same room together, alone.Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni haven't seen him since can't bear the thought of him to be honestbut i've been forgetting about it and thought i was doing okay but last night i went to sleep around 2 in the morning and then got woken up because it all happened again in my dream and i couldn't sleep againi don't want it to mess up my sleeping even more than it already is 3 hours is barely enough never mind having them interrupted with this stuffanyone got any suggestions other than sleeping pills ( they make me sleep walk and i woke up in the garden one morning)and thanks again for all of you're comments back
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A
female
reader, xsweet_girlx +, writes (6 February 2009):
 Just talk to him ask him whats going on but suttle obviously. Tell him if you don't want to, make sure he understands you because it takes a while for some boys to get it that you don't like them.Just wondering though why he managed to get near your underwear if you didn't want him too. If you didn't want him to then it looks like his taking advantage.Set him straight!
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A
female
reader, harriet-anne +, writes (4 February 2009):
This is a very sticky situation..however it is also incest.This is something rarely come across as people dont tend to hit on cousins..but if u have a person in ur family u are close to tell them so they are aware of the situation..and dodging him can just irritate the situation..U might need to talk to him and say u feel uncomfortable with it . or just bring one of ur mates u can trust who is a boy along and make sure u stand out.....make sure he can see you dont want to.good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): Talk to your cousin. If you don't like him, you need to make that clear to him. It sounds like he likes you, so if you do like him, that needs to be made clear too.
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (1 February 2009):
you need to make it clear to him that if you tell him to stop and he doesn't that is sexual assault! you could report him for that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): Just curious, what is the age difference?Keep this in mind: he's family, maybe you care about him as a cousin, and a human being. If you don't say anything to him, even though it is uncomfortable to lay it out there, he will tacitly learn that going for it with a girl (and later, women) is the way to get what he wants. You don't have to get an "OK" she will probably let you keep going. It's true, he may make you feel bad if you call him out, by telling him to take his hand out of your pants loudly enough so others can hear, but he will learn there is a chance that a confident woman will embarrass him for trying something without asking first. Do you care about him, or the health of your family to take a personal hit that takes a lot of confidence? I hope you do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the responses people erm somebody asked if i let him do it because i feel attracted to him to and can i make this clear that i DON'T feel attracted to him in anyway like that. i did tell him to stop but he was like "stop what?" and i didn't wanna make anything weirder. and i had asked him to move off the computer chair in the first place but he was refusing to do so and i did not intend to see how far he'd go at all.my brains all over the place and i just can't stop thinking about it i can't sleep. the worst thought is us that he has so much he can hold against me that what if he does. i can't just start acting all weird and refuse to talk to him or stay in the same place as him without raising a flag to my parents. how am i meant to tell if it was a one time thing without ***king up the family?
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (1 February 2009):
stay away from him!
if you can't avoid him due to parents taking you there and he tries it again just go and tell your parents or his. or stand up and shout out to him, but so others can hear "stop trying to put your fingers in my underwear" you need to make it obvious you are not happy with him doing it. how dare he anyway!
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male
reader, 24yeahright  +, writes (1 February 2009):
I agree with ellababesx. Just stay away from him.. completely.
It sounds to me like you werent very resistant, so in his mind he probably hasn't done anything terribly wrong.
Just stay away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): Don't wait tell you mother right away! It's not your fault. He is the one with the dirty mind. This will become bigger if you don't tell it to someone quickly. This is like intimacy rape. You are not guilty so you should never be ashamed of it. You didn't cause it. It's his dirty mind who needs to experiment with you because he thinks you are stupid and easy to manipulate. He WILL continue to do it to you if you don't stop it right now. Never stay alone with him. Never.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (1 February 2009):
 Why are you letting him do this to you? You are old enough to know this is wrong, your gut instinct is telling you it's wrong yet you let him continue? Do you fancy your cousin? Do you stay at the side of his chair to see just how far he'll go?
You need to prevent yourself being in the same places alone. Always make sure there's someone else there. If he tries to touch you again tell him to BACK OFF or you'll scream!!! Any man that does that to a woman/girl has no respect for her and is just chancing his luck. DON'T ALLOW IT!!!! Tell him clearly and confidently if he tries it again look him straight in the eyes and tell him to back off or you're telling your parents! Then get up and walk out the room. End of.
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, ellababesx +, writes (1 February 2009):
 Oh dear...I suggest you dont say a word to anyone in your family and keep away from your cousin. I know you and him are close, but you need to stay away from this situation that could get reallyy sticky. Watch out, this is a nasty problem to deal with.Good luck!
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