A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a best friend who I have known since we were kids, so about 16 years. I love her to pieces, and would be lost without her friendship. she is 21 and has a 4 year old child. she also has a boyfriend, lets call him Dave. Well her and Dave have been together for around 4 months, and she has become worryingly attached to him. he suffers from depression and recently stopped contacting her, or returning her texts or anything for almost a month. she was going mental trying to contact him, gettin her friends to contact him etc, still heard nothin. so then she texts him and says she has taken an overdose, and he needs to go round. he rings one of her friends to go round instead, so they do, and when they arrive she promises them she hasnt taken anything. 2 hours later Dave turns up, and she seems fine so he goes to leave, and she tells him she did take some tablets. he sits with her a while n she seems ok, so he gets up to leave again, at which point, after being fine for almost 4 hours she "collapses", so he stays and phones an ambulance. she goes to hospital, the paramedics say there is no way she took as many as she said, bcoz she was too alert and responsive. blood tests show up nothing. she gets sent home, but meanwhile her 4 yr old had been taken to the friends house for the night, and when she got in the car, she sed "mummy has taken 20 dihydracodeine tablets" - bearing in mind shes 4. she also sed that she got woken up by her mum screaming and crying, and i quote "i didnt like it mummy, i tried to put my pillow over my head so it would go away but i could still hear it". it was heartbreaking. my friend also asked her 4 yr old whether she hated her?? i love my friend, but she will not dump her bf who is the cause of all this bcoz he isnt really into her at all, but is using her. it is really affecting her child, and i am worried for the childs emotional wellbeing but i dont know what to do? please advise, thank you x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): You need to report her. That child is already being damaged, and it will only get worse. She is learning now that overdosing and taking tons of drugs is acceptable. She is learning that acting out to get what you want is acceptable. She is thinking that the relationship between her mom and Dave is normal, and eventually she will begin to mimic all this behavior. She needs to be taken away ASAP.
A
female
reader, romany +, writes (3 June 2010):
 I think you'd be betraying the little girl if you dint step in, she is obviously a smart cookie this little girl, and to see what she is seeing, and hearing, and not being taken care of, physically and mentally, is a form of abuse and the poor little thing is losing her innocence, when her biggest concern at 4 should be 'when is Max and Ruby on'
I'm really concerned that her mothers need for attention could spill out onto the little girl, i'm sure you've heard of munchausens, and before you poo poo that statement, just think that a few years ago, you'd not have thought your friend was capable of this behaviour, so you have to ask yourself, how far would she go.
I figure with you talking bout social services and calpol, you are in UK, usually when someone attempts suicide, the mental health team are involved thru the hospital, but i wouldn't wait for them, they are incredibly over worked and under staffed in some areas, So either go see the health visitor at the local clinic, to express your concerns, They are usually involved in a childs care until school time, or contact social services direct. But dont feel guilt bird, your doing the right thing.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1  +, writes (3 June 2010):
Lets get it straight! from what you wrote it sounds like he was trying to get away from her! it's not him who is depressed, it is her and she needs help!! anyone that would lie about taking an over dose of pills to get him back and his attention! is sick i hope he does get away from her. maybe when he was seeing her for the time he was that he saw something in her that backed him off. and for the Lil girl, and her mother to talk to her like she is grown up is not a good mother. i hope you do intervine best friend or not is'nt that what good friends are about. you know what scares me when she gets over this guy she will act the same way with the next one. sounds like she has some deep rooted problems and insecurities.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 June 2010):
The thing is, it is a mental issue to be honest. On the strength of this she could be investigated.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both so far for your answers, i have spoken to her, i said to her yesterday that she is a mother first and foremost before she is a girlfriend, and so the childs wellbeing and happiness have to come first. i said that her relationship with Dave is clearly not healthy for any of the people concerned, and that both her and him have got their own issues they need to sort seperately before they can have a healthy relationship. And I also sed that it was clearly really upsetting her child, who is the innocent victim, and that bcoz she in a single parent, she is the only guidance, support and example her child has, therefore it needs to be a good one. but she still refused to dump the boyfriend. She takes medication all the time, and makes a big fuss of it, so now the four yr old has started copying and saying she suddenly feels poorly every time she sees her mum taking meds, and asks for her "special medicine" and gets given calpol. I am worried but feel like i am betraying her. also bcoz i am sure that this overdose and stuff is just to get the boyfriends attention, I wasn't sure whether social services would see it as a problem since it was just attention seeking, not actual mental health issues? thanks again x
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A
female
reader, romany +, writes (2 June 2010):
I am in total agreement with CaringGuy, but first i'd give her the sharp edge of my tongue, see if it gives her a kick up the bum, if it dont, i'd report her without hesitation, its obvious that your friend is going thru some mental crisis, and if she isn't stable enough to make the right decisions for her daughter, then thank god the little girl has someone like you watching over her.
Good luck,
xx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 June 2010):
If she is in a state that she can't cope as a mother, then she is a danger to that child. This must be a shoddy decision for you. My mother once made a decision somewhat like this, which was to report a mother she knew very well anonymously. She didn't regret doing it, and the child was helped. I know it's hard, but if you think the child is becoming distressed, do the right thing for the child and contact an agency specializing in prevention of child neglect/cruelty and such. You'll feel bad for your friend, but not nearly as bad should something happen to the child. The child must be the priority over it all.
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