A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So, I'm going "public" with this-so please please try to understand my dilemma instead of judging my issues please? And this will be a long one... sorry. I've been with my husband a total of two years and a few months. When we first started dating it was FIREWORKS! Everyday was a blessing to get to see him. There was almost an electricity between our attraction to each other. So with that I fell in love very quickly with him and his charm. We found out I was pregnant fairly early into our relationship, and I gave him the option to bow out with no attatchments from me or the baby. He said absolutely not that he wanted to be involved with this child and me. He talked of marriage but said that he wanted to wait until I was ready since I was going through a divorce with my first husband. No, I didn't separate then immediately hook up with him. My ex and I were separated for three years before I met him. What was the holdup? My ex and I had a child dying from a brain tumor and put our divorce preceedings on hold. So, to get back to the present story-I told him that I wasn't going to rush into any marital relationship for a while. So a little over a year after we started dating we were married. Things were great! When we'd started dating my husband had a problem with prescription pain killers but after our son was born-he stopped taking them. Over the past 6 or so months he's begun to get back into taking them, against my pleading and threatening to leave. I grew up in a home where the mother was the glue and the dad was an addict. I wasn't about to raise our children like that as we've found out we have another baby due in the early fall. I made my wishes known, and as a man I feel that he should be able to honor my wishes when it comes to his family. He said he'd stop them because he didn't want to lose us. So I took him at his word. A few days ago I found out that he has begun taking the pills again and I feel totally disrespected and disregarded as his wife. I took my son and left. We talked and again he promised that he wouldn't do it-but I can't bring myself to believe him. I am so disgusted at him that I can't really even look at him the same way. Other part of my dilemma. I recently got back in contact with my high school sweetheart and we've been talking as friends. He ended up marrying my best friend after I was forced to move across the country with my parents. He had actually texted me while I was packing when I "left" my husband. So when I got in the car, I told him what happened and he was sorry that I was going through this and then he sprung on me that he still loved me and always had. I was shocked that he would say that to me, especially with us both being married. Now, I have never lost feelings for him and our breaking up was something that was best for the both of us at that time. I'm so confused and hurt, I'm confused because of the feelings I have for my friend and because after being put through the wringer with my husband that I am still with him. Our marriage has been strained for a while and with the addiction problem creeping back up it's really really strained. We are starting marriage counseling this week and I desperately want it to work because I love my husband with all of my heart. Is it normal to be in love with two men at the same time? Knowing that one of them genuinely loves you too and you're wondering about the other, the one you married? Oh, and yes my friend is still married to my ex-best friend. Can anyone help me with the way I'm feeling?
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female
reader, jayjean +, writes (1 June 2009):
Dear Torn.
Life is like a box of chocolates,you never know which one you will get.(hope that broke the ice). I was in a situation like yours so I will try to give you my honest opinion. First, your husband finds relief in his drug of choice. But,He may be able to get help. However, he may just end up being addicted to something else,women,alcohol..I would keep my own place and go to drug counseling as well as marriage counseling with him. While he is getting help stay in a safe place with your child and continue to work on your marriage as well as yourself. Second,It is possible to love two men at the same time,but remember he is married to your old friend and it will become really complicated if you try to see him for anything more than a friendship. Trust me ,it's not worth the pain later. Also praying and being around positive people also helps. Focus on your child that needs you more than anyone. If after sometime in counseling you feel that your husband is clean then you two can work on being a complete family again. If he can't stay clean, at least you made a clean and honest attempt to save your marriage,remember better or worse?. Best of luck to you!
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