A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:NOTE: Self Titled by asker.I'm in a relationship for about a year with an amazing girl that I have so much in common with. We are beginning to make wedding plans, but I don't feel totally ready for a few reasons. First, I am still getting used to my post-divorce life and maintaining my relationship with my teenage son, which is my #1 priority. Second, I am focused on getting a stable job, as I was laid off recently. And third, and most significant, our relationship is based heavily on sex. So much so that at times we get nothing done. Some weekends are spent almost entirely in bed, and everything gets tied to sex. Even with our wedding plans, she keeps saying how often and where we will be fucking before, during and after the ceremony. I know a lot of it is just playful banter, but it gets old and is a tad immature. Granted, I am a horndog, and love the sex...but there is a time and place for everything, and sometimes it is a burden to hear about it so much. we were out to dinner a few weeks ago, and she must have said "I want to fuck" over a dozen times. It ruined the romantic mood totally. I feel like she is a soul mate, a great friend, and a wonderful woman. But childish at times too. Our best moments were spent when she was on the rag and our sex took a much deserved break for a few days. I've talked to her about this, but it always seems to come back to the same clingy, smothering talk about fucking.I know some guys are probably rolling their eyes, like thinking "dude...go for it, you are crazy not to", and I love finally having all the sex I can handle in my life. But it seems like too much of a good thing is robbing the romance and passion from this relationship. How can I deal with this or approach her so she'll understand without being hurt?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 September 2010):
 She wants to fuck during the ceremony ??:) I am sure your wedding is gonna be a truly memorable event for anybody who is attending :)
If her constant sexual banter is a turn off for you ,you need to tell her clearly. Of course, things can be told clearly AND with some tact and diplomacy at the same time. You don't need to hurt her or offend her, you might for instance remark about how sexual tension thrives on the elusive, the mysterious, the unpredictable, the not-so-easily attainable. You could tell her that what turns you on most of all is a nuanced ,subtle, allusive sexuality rather than plain bluntness. Anyway- you'll come up with something, but do tell her.
I'd like to throw in a hunch that I've got. I am not sure but is a possibility. I think your gf might be ,deep down, a bit insecure, and that her uncommon display of primal, raw horniness is more a cultivated, acquired behaviour than an instinctive one. Some girls feel not secure enough about their power to keep a man's interest, and figure that the ultimate secret man-keeping weapon is sex -hence the display of sexual aggressivity and sexual availability. Maybe she just need reassurance about her value in your eyes and the place she holds in your life.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (30 September 2010):
 That is a tough one. I totally get you feelings. It seems like you have a very liberated girlfriend/Fiancee. She isn't just all talk, she is action too when it comes to sex.
I can see why it would be hard to tell her how you feel, but unless you say something, she will continue.
Maybe, you should sit her down and let her know that in some respects you are a tad old fashioned. (I think that is a good term). Maybe even do a "dare" where none of you can talk about sex for X amount of days, see how that goes. Or even go X amount of days without sex. I assume you want to MAKE SURE that your relationship goes beyond the sex, specially if you are getting married. Set up some plans for dates that doesn't involve sex. Do stuff as a couple - AWAY from the bed/house.
I think she feels that it is the thing you like BEST about her. The sex. So I think it's up to you to show her that there are plenty of other things you love about her.
I am not a fan of "dirty" talk myself, I find it crude and a total turn off. My husband used to think it would make me jump & run & get naked.. I had told him a couple of times how it felt, but he didn't get it, til I started talking back to him that way and his reactions was just like yours.. It certainly cured him ;)
Though I have to say, she seems like a keeper ;)
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