A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:OK my wife had a serious accident. And now we don't have interiors. She says it hurts her very bad She will give me blow jobs and I give her head Now my problem is she wants to do it all the time I mean 3 or 4 times a day I get up in the morning and take a shower and she does it she don't expect anything because she knows I have to go to work I have my own business and she will call me at noon wanting me to come home for a Nooner blow job. She gets real upset if I can't. The when I get home from work she wants me to shower and blows me again. She will wake me up in the middle of the night. I mean I love oral sex but I feel so guilty and I don't need it but maybe 3 times a week I mean when she does it she won't quit til I cum in her mouth she says she can't get enough of the taste I just don't know want to do we have been married for 16 years and had a pretty good sex life It's been 14 year since I have had intercourse She is disabled so she does not work. She has lost like 50 pounds. She keeps the house clean if I was to come home early say 3:30 she is sleeping I don't work to far from home She has even come to the shop and drives in with a wash cloth and says lock the doors and drop your pants How do I tell her that I don't need my or blow jobs so much. I give her attention all her friends don't come around or communicate with her as often as when we were first married. And that's because of her disability How can I tell her with out hurting her It almost seems like she's doing it so I don't go find someone else I read about these guys that are not getting blow jobs And I tell you if they got it like this between 3 and 6 times a day they wouldn't want it as often I miss intercourse but it's not the end of the world I have told her I don't need these BJ's everyday And she gets upset she says she loves doing them because she loves me. And that she loves the taste of my sperm How can I tell her to make her understand that's it's irritating to be called at work to come home because she wants lunch if you get my point
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok thank all of you for your comments I spoke with her about how I feel and how I just cant handle these like before I also showed her this advice column she has agreed to not do it as frequent she says she has intrest in intercourse now she was trying to keep me from running off to have sex with someone else so she went from several times a day to 1 bj when I wanted it now she has agreed to let me decide when we can do it she has also said that I cant just want it 2 times a week she says she need sex more often we have agreed to have sex at least once a day I guess I can handle that she told me she felt worthless and that giving me head like she was made her feel like she was needed \ anyway thanks to all of you that gave me ideas and guidance thank you
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2016): I can relate here.She is over compensating. She is wanting to (over) please you. First, that is a GOOD thing. She loves you and loves to watch you get off. I get that. There is something about a man cumming that is a huge turn on for a lot of women. Myself included. Many of us feel that it is our job and duty as a wife or girlfriend to bring our man to orgasm. And if we don't do that, we take it personally. Like he does not love us enough. Find us attractive enough. That he will stray on us. That our bedroom skills are below par etc. Now, since you cannot have intercourse, oral sex is her only way of pleasing you. So, she goes to town. You certainly cannot fault the psychology behind it or blame her. She wants to make you happy. She feels that if you don't cum or want to receive pleasure from her that you are not attracted to her. Women measure their attractiveness to their partner through their ability to make him orgasm. If he has an orgasm, our job is done and we feel proud of ourselves. And we feel good about pleasing our guy. And know that he is not going anywhere else for sex. Yes, to keep him happy so that he is satiated and not roaming around is definitely on our minds first and foremost. And much like men get off when we cum, we get off too. Men love to watch us climax. It is their raison d'etre. My BF lives for that. The more times he makes me orgasm, the more thrilled he is. It is a power trip. Feeds the ego. Let's face it. She feels really good about herself when she does this for you. So, if you turn it down, you are cutting off her happy drug. See what I mean? She gets off when you get off. It is understandable that it's hard to cut her off when you know how much pleasure it is giving her (perhaps more than you at times!) And part of relationships is compromise and sacrifice to keep each other happy. Clearly you care deeply about her or you would not be here. And you want to find a solution that she can be happy with as well as yourself. But never compromise your own needs to meet someone else's. You might grow resentful of that person in the long run if you continue. And you might find yourself hating the experience and feeling obligated instead of wanting it. That would just kill the magic of it all, wouldn't it? I suspect the spontaneity of it all is being compromised. You are beginning to expect it. It's becoming more of a chore. Perhaps you need to address this aspect of it. Tell her you want it to be amazing. And if you do it too much, you will lose interest and it's not going to be the fireworks show you want it to be. You want to save yourself so that you can really cum hard. And if you do it so much, there will be nothing left in your tank. You need time for your sperm to replenish, especially at your age. Or you will have no load to shoot. Right? Tell her all this. Also, tell her your penis is sore and raw. Tell her you need to treat it right in order for it perform optimally. That means some rest. Tell her you love her and find her attractive and you are satisfied with your sex life but you just cannot keep up with her. Just make sure you ressure her. And if she really loves you, she will understand. Make sure she knows how attractive you find her. This is where it will hit her hardest. And how you aren't looking somewhere else. Reassure her of all these things. Then you are going to have to put your foot down. Tell her NO. Condition her behaviour if you have to. Don't make yourself too available to her calls or requests. Stand your ground. She might sulk for a little while. She might get upset with you. But ride out the storm. And she will settle. She will realize that doing it less is better than losing you altogether or not being able to pleasure you at all. She will compromise because I can tell you she loves the sex too much to lose it. So, she will have no choice to but tone it down.So speak up.You may have to sit down with her and have an honest talk. Tell her what you told us. If she loves you, perhaps you can both agree to tone it down a little. Not cut it out but just reduce the frequency.Tell her what I have said and although she might not like it at first, she will come around.Now, just remember there a small risk to this. That is she could seek out extra pleasure elsewhere if you do not give her enough. Remember this. It is not only men who go outside their marriages when they are not satisfied sexually. Just be prepared for this possibility. Not saying she would do this but I am mentioning it so that your eyes are open.Hope I helped and hope it all works out.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 May 2016):
 I feel for you, you are in a terrible situation. Maybe your wife does enjoy it but I also fear that she has lost all her self esteem when she got disabled, she is probably scared that you will go and have sex with another woman because she cannot give that to you, you can tell her until you are blue in the face that you won't cheat but that does not stop her thinking about it. She probably feels like she has failed as a woman and wife and is trying to over compensate. I know you don't want to hurt her, but this has to stop. You just need to be firm and say you don't want it so often, refuse to let her do it and she will get over it quickly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks both of you
She has seen many docs psychologists and psychiatrists
That's not her problem she can't help herself
For the brown eye I am just not into that and for penetration that's still not an issue she lest me f her face and throat
She won't take no for an answer.
It's just to much for me. Called at work when I am busy if I don't go ahead comes to me and waits if need be
I just don't need it as much as she wants
She has been thru so much that it's so difficult to say no
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2016): What you might do is say to her that your sex drive is slowing a bit with age-- which is perfectly normal.
Also, you could tell her that you will ask for one when you want a BJ, and that you will go down on her when she asks you to. (Within reason LOL)
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (18 May 2016):
I would say way to go bro, but I do understand where you are coming from... HA!!
Penetration is very important to a man...So...Have you every ask for her to try anal sex? Yes I know taboo and all that, and not all men and women are into it...But it is penetration.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2016): Get her checked by a doctor, she sounds like she has mental problems. Maybe needs meds. I think there s a medical term for this but can't think of it. Hyper sex something or other
Just say no thanks I'm happy , if you keep nagging I'm going to get real upset so stop already. Enough is enough .
Guessing somehow something ain't right in her brain
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