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Three year relationship ruined?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 October 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 11 October 2010)
A female New Zealand age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Ohk so ive pretty much ruined not only a friendship i have had for nearly three years with this guy (lets call him Thom)and his bestfriend (Daniel). Thom was explaining to me the other week that he liked me and that he thinks me and him would work and what not, i told him that i didnt feel the same way that i saw him as a friend and like an older brother and that i didnt think it was a good idea that we went out cause i didnt want to ruin the friendship we have. see the problem is that i have created feelings for his bestfriend Daniel except i know the way that Thom feels so i was never going to act apon it or tell anyone about my feeling (like i said earlier i care about the friendship we have). so it was on a friday night and me, Daniel, Thom and a few other friends were at the bar we usally go to every other weekend, there was alot of alcohol involved we all were pretty drunk me and Daniel were sitting next to each other and one thing lead to another and we started making out all of Daniel and Thoms mates were all like saying 'good on you mate' and what not (Thom was in the toliet) later on when Thom was back at the table it happened again and instead of the 'good on you mate' Thom came over and started punching at Daniel and puched whoever would hold him back to calm down he then went all depressed and started crying in the corner then walked out of the bar and walked all the way home. i felt sooooooo bad and the next day when i was sober i relised how much i really screwed things up. Thom had texted Daniel all night abusing him saying he had crossed the line and betrayed him and what not when he went to pick up his car the next day it was spray painted. me and Daniel agreeded that it should never happen again even though we like each other. ive tried talking to Thom and he not willing to talk or try and work it out not only with me but with Daniel. i feel so bad i just want to make everythings alright again espically with Daniel and Thom but if he will talk to me again then that would be good to . please help thanks

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A male reader, Cccc Antarctica +, writes (11 October 2010):

Cccc agony auntThats about the worst kind of betrayal possible not to mention down right stupid...

Seriously in front of all his friends ? seriously?How disappointing.

Anyway id say just leave it all it will never be the same for you,Thom and Daniel.It think its best that you just stay away in total let them repair the friendship and you just dont intervene ever again...find new friends.Also try and learn from this that your behavior is just not cool and you should take responsibility!There is from now on a massive TAG on your head with that group and news will spread.

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A female reader, DenimandLace44 United States +, writes (11 October 2010):

DenimandLace44 agony auntWhat you did was so very cruel and insensitive. You publicly hurt and humiliated Him. Even drunk, you knew better. Time may help, I dont know. Give him time and space. Stay away from them both for now. Let them try to repair their friendship.

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