A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have shared a mutual hobby with a married family friend of ours for quite some time (in agreement with our partners because they are not interested in this hobby), however just before Christmas he confessed to me that he had fancied me for many months, knew that nothing could happen between us and that he was finding it difficult getting over me. It actually made me feel very uncomfortable as I have never ever thought of him that way. I have always thought of him as a father figure, him having been close friends with my parents since I was born. Absolutely nothing has gone on despite people spreading rumours. In fact, quite the opposite has happened: I have backed right off from my male friend. I have been very upset by these lies that people have spread, and I feel very inhibited now on the rare occasion I spend time with my male friend. I no longer enjoy this hobby with my friend anymore. I haven't told my boyfriend about any of this. I am not sure if he would be flattered that another guy fancies me or maybe get possessive. It has been playing on my mind for quite some time as to whether I tell my boyfriend about all this. Given that other people have wrongly come to the conclusion that we are having an affair, there is the possibility my boyfriend could do the same. I feel like I am keeping what I am going through from my boyfriend. Should I tell my boyfriend about all this, and if so, what do I say? The only benefit there could be to me telling him is that he may appreciate me more.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): Tell your boyfriend what youve told us, even better show him the site to emphasise your dilema. Youve done all the right things up to now. Wagging malicious tongues, and a sudden change of behaviour by you could lead to assumptions by your boyfriend. So in this case HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. Your boyfriend will be proud of your behaviour
Good LUCK
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 It is best you keep it to yourself .Your b/f may see things differently .There is a possibility that he may think negatively of you.
If he asked , just tell him that you have lost interest in that hobby. Period.
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A
male
reader, Moviefan  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 Cut of contact with the guys as soon as you can to attempt to kill any rumors and to stop the ones already floating around. And i actually think i would rather have you tell me to my face about whats going on and to tell me that i may hears some rumors about it. And make sure you tell him u cut off contact with him.
Because if u never told me anything then i found out from a friend or something i would espect something much more then i would if you told me. I may be a little jealouse of him and dislike him but that should wear off after a while guys do not tend to hold grudges as longs as females.
And make sure you do not talk to him even if he calls that could very well be taken badly if your boyfriends knows about it. And would you really even want to be in contact someone who is willing to cheat on his wife for you. Fealt like i should throw that in.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 Firstly , apologies for the misspelt title .. it should read starting to talk not staring to talk!
Anyhoo, this is a tough one. I can see your dilemma . First I think you really need to put an end to the gossip by breaking off contact with this older guy asap. Don't worry about hurting his feelings, he is married and he expressed his interest in you, that means he's willing to cheat on his wife - so don't do him any favours by thinking you dont want to hurt his feelings.
If I was in your situation I would break off all contact, then you can bring it up with your boyfriend, tell him that you are not seeing this guy anymore because he fancies you and it makes you uncomfortable.
I would not under any circumstances tell your boyfriend that he fancies you and then continue to see him by yourself. That would drive any guy crazy with jealously and he will most likely start listening to the gossip rumours.
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