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female
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*lack-heart
writes: I always feel like every thing is my fault. My family aren't rich but we are very close to losing the house and all the nice things we have. My mother has four kids, me including. My dad still lives in our house, but rarely comes home and when he does, he's always on the computer and never helps out. My mom has to clean up constantly and she fusses over the smallest of things. My older bother *Nick (17) came home the other day and had got a huge tattoo across his back which mom had given him the money to take his gf on a nice date. When my mom found out, she kicked him out of the house and started throwing things around. When she does this (and she does a lot of it) I usually take my brother and sister, both younger than me to a friends house, not far away. She would never hurt any of us, I just don't want my younger siblings to grow up throwing things around and thinking that it's a normal thing to do. When she finishes throwing everything around and I bring us three back she always tells me that even though what I'm doing is right, I shouldn't do it. She then usually grounds me. I really love my mom. But she's making me depressed. My dad never helps out either and it's usually me and her doing all the work, *Nick is always out clubbing and getting drunk with his mates and he hardly ever comes home. I do a lot of activities in school and sometimes they cost money. My mom says that I can do them, but I always feel guilty because it's her money and then she always argues with my dad blaming each other for not bringing enough money in the house. There is never any violence in the house, just shouting. And it's always getting me upset. I'm very depressed now and my relationships with guys are totally going down hill. When I'm in a relationship with someone I always end up being too depressed to think about them, therefore I totally ignore them. It's not fair on them or me. But there's nothing I can do. I've been thinking about suicide a lot lately too but I don't want to do it, even though every thing would be better for my family. My mom wouldn't have to pay as much for food, my school and the activities and clothes. I don't want to be depressed all my life! My friends are all leaving my coz I'm too depressed to hang around with them any more. I want to have a good relationship where I'm not ignoring him. I want us to be a happy family again. Every thing feels like my fault. Any ones help would be much appreciated!!! Kaylaxxx
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (27 October 2005):
 Kayla,
Find someone you can confide in and tell them all that you have said here. It doesn't matter too much who they are, someone you trust, someone who cares about you, someone perhaps like a teacher or a counsellor who can understand and advise you. This is very important for you to do and it doesn't mean you are telling tales on your family by doing so. You need some help and support and there are people out there who can assist you.
The amount of responsibility on your shoulders is too much and it isn't suprising at all that you feel depressed. You want your family life to be happy but your hopes aren't amounting to anything simply because your family needs help desperately.
Help them to help themselves by you reaching out for support. All of this is affecting all aspects of your life and the way to regain control is for asking for help.
The person you talk to can then guide you in the right direction, reassure you and empathise with you.
Please don't go through this alone, ask for help today.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2005): Well suicide is not the answer to money problems any more problems in your family home due to the heartbreak of losing you..you love your family you dont want to put them through that kind of pain..i feel your mum may need some outside help she seems depressed and talking to someone may help her in alot of ways maybe you should do the same.
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reader, pops +, writes (26 October 2005):
Talk to a mental health counselor, now. You need help with all this, and you should not have to be so depressed. You are trying to keep a family together that is disfunctional when you should be just being a kid. The family problems are your mother and father's problems. If you can talk to them, privately, tell them how you feel. You are their responsibility, too. I am sure they love you. They are just having so many problems they can't cope with everything, and need help. Talk to your guidance counselor at school, or a school teacher, if you don't have a doctor or mental health clinic available. But, do get help.
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