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*ebecca Batchelor agony aunt

*ebecca Batchelor

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My serial affair wife is pregnant... Again

Q.   Hi, Me and my wife have had relationship problems In 1994 she had an affair. I forgave her and in 1999 we had our first child. In 2002, she had another affair and the diffiulty I had was multiplied because I now had a son whom I had to consider...

A.   1 March 2006: Last year when she fell pregnant, was that through an affair or not? I was just wondering why you would be considering this year to keep the child when last year she had a termination. I am assuming she is pregnant by you now. Your wife having anot... (read in full...)

All we do is stay in and watch TV... How do I stop the perfect night in I'm planning become more of the same?

Q.   ok so i've been with my guy for just over a year and we've been really close and everythings been great, but lately we've been getting bored, not with each other but just with what we do. (which to be honest is not much) We see eachother enough a...

A.   1 March 2006: Organise it well...you know, seductive music, sexy lingerie which could be revealed eventually through a game of strip poker...scintillating conversation (talk about your dreams and aspirations, talk together about what you both hope to be doing in, ... (read in full...)

She was too needy, so we split and now its even worse...

Q.   I broke up with MY ex of a year and a half almost a month ago. She was excessively needy and had to be around me 24-7 other than work. I tried to have nights out with out her and told her ther were to be as such. Then she ended up coming to where...

A.   1 March 2006: I think I can be a little more gentle in my response and say that your ex isn't necessarily a stalker or bunny bolier, especially not the latter. I feel very sorry for her and believe she must be critically low in self esteem to be doing this now ... (read in full...)

Keep thinking about my ex...

Q.   im with my boyfriend and have been with him 4 about 2-3 months but i still kepp thinkin about my ex, but the thing is i love my new boyfriend and dont wana lose him! i was only with my ex for a monoth so how cum i keep thinking about him????...

A.   1 March 2006: I think this all really depends on the quality of your relationship with your ex and why you split up. Perhaps you had a very good relationship with your ex but something went wrong which maybe shouldn't have happened, I don't know. Did you get with... (read in full...)

Does my size matter??

Q.   my wife had other partners and was married.this is kind of hard as it is, I feel our sex life is out of this world but she has told me some things that make me feel insecure. I know she didnt mean to hurt my feelings but she told me her ex-husband ...

A.   28 February 2006: You say sex is out of this world. You say your wife says you are the perfect fit and I say you have nothing at all to worry about. Width is often more important to women than length. What is the point in having a long penis if it can't go all the ... (read in full...)

I love my older girlfriend and she wants to get engaged. But what if I want children in the future?

Q.   My girlfriend is 47 and I'm 26. We love each other but with one snag: I'm not sure if I'll want children in the future. At the moment I don't but who knows. We've spoken about this and she seems to talk around the subject. She recently asked me...

A.   28 February 2006: Moving in with your girlfriend and getting engaged are big steps if you aren't too sure what you really want. I think you need to reevaluate things a little before rushing into this. Explain to your girlfriend that you do feel a little appr... (read in full...)

What can I say to support my new boyfriend when he talks about his family problems?

Q.   Hello, I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for about 5 weeks now and in this time, we have become quite close even though it isn’t very long. His dad was an alcoholic when he was little and used to beat his mum in front of him. His dad th...

A.   28 February 2006: Just listening to him is perfect and I'm sure he really appreciates that. There isn't anything in particular that you can say or do to make his troubles go away but simply having a sympathetic ear, showing that you care, being affectionate and ... (read in full...)

Did I smother our budding relationship out of existance?

Q.   A lady friend of mine, who just started living with her boyfriend of three years, and I recently got very close emotionally and physically. She stated he became very unaffectionate, undriven and somewhat verbally abusive (similar to his mother), ...

A.   28 February 2006: Well, it may or it may not work for them. It is hard to predict really. He may well wish to change but not actually have the capacity within himself to do so, therefore reverting back to his old ways. However, she may decide to stay with him anyway ... (read in full...)

Two women! One likes sex... the other one doesn't. Who do I choose?

Q.   hi ive been with my girlfriend for 10 years and we planned to buy a house and settle down together, the only problem was there was little or no sex, ive recently met someone and ive fallen for her and the sex is amazing. i could make a life with ...

A.   28 February 2006: I bet you've really enjoyed reading these replies! OKay, you must realise that what you have done is cheating and there isn't an excuse for that. It would be best if you came clean with your current girlfriend as, of course, she deserves bett... (read in full...)

I said no but wished I said yes when he asked me out...I thought he was joking

Q.   hi there there is this lad how asked me out but I said no and now I regret saying no to him wt should I do This is wt he said to me he said he loved my new hair colour and then said are you going out with anyone and then said will you go out with...

A.   28 February 2006: There isn't exactly an average weight for a fifteen year old. It all depends on your height, bone structure, etc. I'm assuming you are self conscious because you think you may be overweight? Fifteen year olds may carry extra puppy fat but as long... (read in full...)

We have broken up but he doesn't turn up to agreed meetings

Q.   I am having some problems with my ex, 21, since our split after five months. I am 33, we are both gay, and we had a wonderful, honest relationship. However, after New Year he suddenly chose to end things saying things were not working for him....

A.   28 February 2006: I think he is being immature and playing mind games, to be honest. Perhaps you do just wish to be friends now but as the relationship is over and you have accepted this, then I think it is time to be very straight with your ex. Explain to him that... (read in full...)

Is it normal for guys to watch porn like ALL the time!?

Q.   Is it normal for guys to watch porno all the time? Should I be concern that he is constantlly watching porno videos?? I have been in a long distance relationship for a year now, but before we seriously started dating we had been seeing each other ...

A.   27 February 2006: Well, it sounds like he could be a bit addicted, yes! Especially if what you say is true about the history channel, joining a group, etc. However, if you have a long distance relationship, this could be the way he fills his time when he feels horn... (read in full...)

While my boyfriend's in hospital, I'm bending over backwards to see him... and he's joking that the nurses fancy him!

Q.   I dont know what to do. My boyfriend is in hospital having a operation. I have been to see him every night so far and stayed with him all weekend. This is very tiring as I work from 9-5 every day and the hospital he is in is 1.5 hours away. I...

A.   20 February 2006: Be mad! You are normal! of course it upsets you and I think that you shouldn't feel that it shouldn't affect you. Of course it will, you are trying to look after him, see him despite working and travelling and he is being an insensitive p***k! Y... (read in full...)

We had a fling and I still love her in a special way but I'm with someone else...what can I do?

Q.   I have been seeing my girlfriend for a few months, she is also my best friend but before we started going out I met another girl at uni (who is married to a man) and had a fling with her, we remained friends. I feel that with my girlfriend the ...

A.   20 February 2006: Perhaps you always will love her in a special way but I think my best advice to you would be to try and keep away from this lady as you aren't being entirely fair on yourself or your girlfriend. Allow yourself to realise that what you had was ... (read in full...)

if you've been treated really badly, is it possible to be on your own happily for the rest of your life?

Q.   I find it really difficult to trust any male nowadays. I've had no father all my life because he date- raped beat my mother (which is how I came about). Molested by the age of 7. Raped at 18. And had a lying, cheating, disrespectful boyfriend ...

A.   19 February 2006: You have had such a rotten time and my heart goes out to you. I certainly understand why you feel the way you do about basically giving up and not believing in people, especially men. Life seems to be particularly cruel to some people. I wonder if y... (read in full...)

Can anyone suggest a reason why I shouldn't walk out on my lazy, frigid wife?

Q.   I have been married for 14 years and have got to the stage where my wife is driving me insane. Apart from going to work, she never leaves the house. She doesn’t have any friends, hobbies, interests or do any sports. She just spends all weekend and ...

A.   18 February 2006: I think some would blame you if that is really what you are asking. You have said she is useless at sex, frigid, lazy, doesn't dress attractively...that is quite a bundle of criticisms. Do you actually have any feelings for her at all? Have you ever ... (read in full...)

Is there hope for us again?

Q.   Help. I’m confused. I have recently split from my boyfriend of six months and the whole thing has devastated me. Anyway, I have been the stronger one and have not been in touch with him for several weeks. Then, yesterday, he e-mails me asking if I ...

A.   17 February 2006: If there is a game to be played here, I would say you played it well and he responded. You didn't contact him for many weeks which must have been hard but showed you were able to cope without him while displaying strength of character (and don't ... (read in full...)

Is sex with an ex ever a good idea?

Q.   Is sex with an ex ever a good idea?...

A.   13 February 2006: I think the agony aunts here aren't trying to impose their beliefs and even if they are, it is the same as one person saying; "Oh go for it!" and another saying "Don't go for it!" We are all entitled to our views and simply because one person ... (read in full...)

Does casual sex equal loose morals?

Q.   If all you want is sex when you go out and nothing more, does that mean you have loose morals? Male or female? Does just wanting a s**g with the opposite sex show a lack of self respect? Should they even respect you when all you want to do is screw ...

A.   13 February 2006: I kind of agree with willywombat apart from the fact that I believe if you require a relationship with committment and emotional attachment it doesn't mean you are weak or emotionally needy! Quite the reverse really. Often people who just want sex ... (read in full...)

Is sex with an ex ever a good idea?

Q.   Is sex with an ex ever a good idea?...

A.   13 February 2006: Scratching an itch only works for people who can distance themselves emotionally from what they are doing and dare I risk saying it, have morals that are somewhat low, going hand in hand with lack of self respect. So casually speaking, could be a ... (read in full...)

How do I end this relationship with a controlling and threatening man?

Q.   I am having problems with my relationship with my partner. I'm not unhappy. I want an end to my marriage and a new life with just me and my daughter and I want a break with just me and her. My partner won't let us go even to stay for a week with a f...

A.   13 February 2006: Forget about college and leave with your daughter when he isn't home and go perhaps to your mums. Ring the police and let them know that you are under threat; ask to speak to a domestic violence officer. You could perhaps do this before leaving so ... (read in full...)

He's proposed, I've accepted but our sex life leaves a lot to be desired...

Q.   Dear Cupid. I have been with my partner for 9 months. We share many similarities and adore each oher's company; everyone comments on how we appear to be the perfect couple. Problem is, I am sexually frustrated. Because of my partner's apparent ...

A.   10 February 2006: This is no good at all, there is certainly something wrong and you need to address this. You haven't been together that long but long enough to realise that your partner's libido is lacking and you do understand that if you marry him, you may have ... (read in full...)

Wonder if I'm just a convenient meal ticket for my girlfriend and her cat!

Q.   I have been living with a girl for 2 1/2 years. She moved in with me after her father died. I have a 21yr old daughter in college and a 15 yr old son. My girlfriend has been remarkable to my kids and we had a great relationship until recently. 3 ...

A.   9 February 2006: Your relationship doesn't strike me as particularly normal really. I mean, it should be about sharing. You talk of not charging her rent and paying all the bills. Well, that seems quite fair if she was buying the food. I mean, are you her landlord ... (read in full...)

How can we tell her that her breath smells?

Q.   Hi Dear Cupid, I was wondering if you could give me advice on my friends bad breath? It smells really bad and whenever she breaths in mine or my friends direction, we can't help but look away and it feels really rude. How can we tell her that her ...

A.   9 February 2006: This is a difficult one but you do need to tell her otherwise she could go through life completely oblivious to why people turn away from her until someone tells her in a nasty way. It could be due to poor oral hygiene or there could be some... (read in full...)

I feel like my married life has been a lie now his porn secret has come out! WHY do men do this?

Q.   I found our three years ago that my husband (whom I had been married to for 16 years) had been using porn to masturbate over since before we met and consequently brought it into our marriage. I feel like my married life has been a lie. I was so ...

A.   6 February 2006: My heart goes out to you and I do appreciate what you feel. If you look on this site to the category 'pornography' you will find many questions like yours and it really is very sad. I don't think the answer below allowed for the fact that blatent ... (read in full...)

I feel like my married life has been a lie now his porn secret has come out! WHY do men do this?

Q.   I found our three years ago that my husband (whom I had been married to for 16 years) had been using porn to masturbate over since before we met and consequently brought it into our marriage. I feel like my married life has been a lie. I was so ...

A.   6 February 2006: My heart goes out to you and I do appreciate what you feel. If you look on this site to the category 'pornography' you will find many questions like yours and it really is very sad. I don't think the answer below allowed for the fact that blatent ... (read in full...)

When we're together, I believe he loves me and will leave his wife, but when we're apart, we argue and I doubt him!

Q.   I know what most will think when I relate my problem but please bear with me and try to understand. I am very much in love with a married man. He has the strangest of relationships with his wife. They do not sleep together (I have also heard th...

A.   3 February 2006: I'm afraid to say that it does sound to me that he is trying to have his cake and eat it. Yes, you might both be insecure but then you have grounds for insecurity; he is sometimes with his wife! Why should he feel insecure with you? Is it because ... (read in full...)

When we're together, I believe he loves me and will leave his wife, but when we're apart, we argue and I doubt him!

Q.   I know what most will think when I relate my problem but please bear with me and try to understand. I am very much in love with a married man. He has the strangest of relationships with his wife. They do not sleep together (I have also heard th...

A.   3 February 2006: I'm afraid to say that it does sound to me that he is trying to have his cake and eat it. Yes, you might both be insecure but then you have grounds for insecurity; he is sometimes with his wife! Why should he feel insecure with you? Is it because ... (read in full...)

I witnessed him flirting with a woman at his workplace-he saw me too and ignored me! What should I do?

Q.   My husband and I have been married over 5 years with 2 young children. Need advice. I thought our relationship was very good, excellent in fact. We communicate, we're honest, and respectful to each other. Except for something I witnessed today. ...

A.   31 January 2006: I think anonymous below isn't allowing for the fact that you know your husband, that this behaviour of his is unusual and your reaction to it is justified from the way you have explained the situation here. I am assuming you have been to his work... (read in full...)

Does physical chemistry have to be mutual to happen?

Q.   A Question in general... On the experience do you think that chemistry between two people can only happen when there is a deep mutual attraction or do you believe in one sided chemistry? Can one individual feel an intense connection and chemis...

A.   30 January 2006: It certainly helps if both people feel the chemistry and can be pretty unpleasent if only one feels it but entirely possible. For example, if two people feel the mutual spark of lust, love and many other euphoric feelings, then their rela... (read in full...)

Husband warned me it was low but not "zero" low.. ! Is a f*** buddy the answer?

Q.   My husband doesn't want sex, he warned me when we first met he had a low sex drive but I really didn't think he actually meant non-existant! I am suprised I ever managed to concieve our child. I have tried everything sexy undies, romance,...

A.   26 January 2006: A fabulous answer below, explaining all that I would say. I too admire you greatly, I really do. Your husband is such a lucky man but I would say a somewhat selfish one. Just because he doesn't wish for sex does not mean he cannot fulfil you and ... (read in full...)

We broke up and I need suggestions to get over her! Help me

Q.   Thanks to all of those who have been replying to my questions. It's been almost 2 months since my ex and I broke up and it gets just a little easier as each day passes. I still think about her, probably too often for my own good. I keep telling ...

A.   24 January 2006: Do you know what would be really, really good for you right now? That your friends didn't tell you about her at all, didn't provide you with any details. This would be much fairer for you in which to put her out of your mind. I know it would be hard ... (read in full...)

What is premature ejaculation?

Q.   I have a question I am a bit unsure about. What is premature ejaculation? I thought it was guys not being able to control themselves and cumming before they wanted to or just too soon. Then I asked my boyfriend the other day and he thought it was ...

A.   23 January 2006: Well, both of you are right but more so, it is when a guy comes too quickly when having intercourse. Some men who suffer very badly from premature ejaculation may come before even entering the vagina but mostly men complain of this condition because ... (read in full...)

Should I confront him about his unfaithfulness now?

Q.   Dear Agony aunt, I'm 22 and I have just broken up with my boyfriend about 3 weeks ago. We were together a year and a half and also lived together. he still contacts me but says he can't be with me. I have just found out he has been sleeping wi...

A.   23 January 2006: The reason why he never said before about anything you may have done wrong is because you probably didn't do anything wrong and now he feels very guilty (which he should do, obviously) and that is why he is simply shifting the blame to you. M... (read in full...)

Can I help my 12-year-old sister with her love life?

Q.   I have a problem with my little sister. She is 12 and is in sixth grade. She has this boyfriend who she has been going out with for 3 months now. The thing is they didn't even know each other when they met (guess their friends hooked them up). The...

A.   19 January 2006: Well, she's far too young to be in love with a boy! You say you've never seen her so in love with a boy! I hope not, she's only 12 for God's sake! Not only has he not matured, neither has she. This is good and you don't need to give her rela... (read in full...)

Worried that my messy habits will have gotten my girlfriend pregnant!

Q.   Hey, this is going to sound really dumb and you'll probably thinking that I'm worrying about nothing (I hope) but the other day me and my girlfriend were messing around on my couch. I went to adjust myself and got some precum on my finger, I wiped ...

A.   19 January 2006: I certainly wouldn't listen to MilanaNYC21. Quite difficult for a female to get pregnant? Ummm, okay, guess that will explain why there are so many people in the world but still... Just be extremely careful next time. The odds are indeed in your... (read in full...)

I want my wife's sister...

Q.   for weeks now my wife sister my sister inlaw has been giving me mixed signals ,you know a little touch hear and a long stair there, my sister inlaw other half went away on a business trip and me and my wife stayed over for the night so my wife could ...

A.   17 January 2006: The way that you are feeling about your sister in law should highlight something very important to you and that is that your marriage needs some work. The reason you are lusting after your wife's sister is because things aren't quite so rosy at home... (read in full...)

We can't be together because of his insecurities...so who will want to be with me if I'm successful?

Q.   I'm a successful 26yr-old who's actually done really well in school/career stuff. Everyone tells me I'm very smart, and I have good marks to show for it, and I'm happy about that. I always figured I was lucky to have been born with some great ...

A.   17 January 2006: There might be someone out there for you if you stop looking in the mirror! Sorry to be harsh but it strikes me that it isn't just people you have known who have been putting you on a pedestal but yourself as well. The way you look and what you have... (read in full...)

I need him but he's jealous and threatening and he wants me to have his child...help!

Q.   I'm 15 years old.. And I met and fell in love with a 22 year old. He never asked me to have sex.. It was my choice to give it to him. Now that were sexually involved he talks about me havin his child.. And he does things like take the condom off ...

A.   16 January 2006: Okay, now you are very young and you are facing a situation that many older women find themselves in. The man you are with is a controlling bully and he has a very strong hold over you but you don't need him, sweetheart, it just feels like that. ... (read in full...)

I just want to sleep with him but now I've said something silly and I don't know how to convince him that I only want sex!

Q.   I want to maintain a strictly sexual relationship with this guy I've been sleeping with on and off for the past few months. But the other day, after a great night of sex, I made a stupid request. I told him next time I just want to talk and go to ...

A.   15 January 2006: Perhaps it was a freudian slip that made you say what you did. Are you being honest with what you really want in this relationship? It takes quite a strong minded woman to maintain a sex only relationship without any emotions. Be sure in your mind ... (read in full...)

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