A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and have lived together for over a year.The sex is dead.There's no thrill.There's no spontaneousness.It's just sex. And I think we're doing it out of habit.A whole whopping 5-7 minutes of sex two times per week.Foreplay? Nope.Random "come and fuck me" lines? Nope.Well, there is... but they all come from me. I am always the one to initiate sex, and am usually quite shocked when he gives it to me after I ask. I got down on him without even saying a word, but I have to beg him to go down on me, always have, and I think I always will.But there is nothing on his end. We both love each other with everything we've got, but I am not being satisfied. This has been going on since January - he was working and was dead exhausted (or so he claimed) after coming home from work. Now, he's in school full time and studies non stop (with a Facebook break every 15 minutes or so).Anytime he wants sex, he'll walk past me, drop his pants and turn the corner into the bedroom. And BAMM! Just like that, 7 minutes is over and done with and we are dressed. He's back studying, I'm there unfulfilled.It's to the point right now where I am practically jumping him.I would be happy with sex 3-4 times per week, or even more than one "session" per day.Do I have a high sex drive?I started talking with an old high school fuck buddy (I taught him everything he knows about women) and I get wet just talking to him on the phone, and I know he gets hard because he tells me he is. He comes into town in a few weeks on business and I am so tempted just to jump him and get what I need.It's this lust that I am craving in my otherwise perfect relationship. My boyfriend is never in the mood and I am beginning to wonder if I am even attractive to him anymore.Has anyone ever gone through this?? Am I screwed? Am I doomed to have an otherwise loving and perfect relationship with no sexual satisfaction at all??
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): First of all, stop basing your self-image and self-esteem on the amount of sexual encounters you have with this bf. He has just gotten lazy...plain and simple. You need to remind him, communicate more strongly and and jolt him back to reality. But also, please remember. Sex is just a small part of a truely loving relationship. A rich sexuality between a man and woman in a committed, love relationship, is so much more than the act itself. It has to do with companionship, shared experiences, devotion and commitment; it has to do with a sense of mutual care and an attitude of generosity. I believe you genuinely love your bf...you both have simply hit a wall. And it's fixable.
Don't put the issue of sex first, in your mind. This is your resentment, your feelings, your interpretations. Recall and think about what brought you together, the joy and excitement of those dating days. You both simply need to reconnect beyond the physical level and work hard at the emotional aspects., too. If you're going to stay in this relationship, you need to lovingly ask your bf to begin talking with you on a more intimate level. If you don't know how to do this, then get some professional help. Communicate clearly and ask him to help you, make this relationship move forward.
And yes, of course the need to 'jump this old friend' is just pure lust. It sounds tempting for you, but could you honestly handle the emotional backlash and pain, that would occur afterwards? If you can't get what I am telling you and you care not for what boinking this guy could do to your relationship, then I would state you are showing signs of a self-involved compulsive sexual behavior. Don't screw around on your bf! Don't lie and engage in deceit cheating...end this relationship before you do that.
Now, having said that..realise that nobody can act in perfectly loving way, all of the time. You both have logged in 3 long years together. He's gotten complacent. I know you love him, otherwise you wouldn't have kept trying and trying and putting in all the efforts. If he doesn't seem interested in working this issue through with you or doesn't show improvement after talking it over and over again, then you may need to break up and move on. Because it means your bf doesn't want to reconnect with you, and you may then have to accept that he may be an incompatible choice for you. There are a ton of men out there I am sure would accomodate you, in the physical sense and emotional sense. Good luck dear and take care
A
female
reader, Emajayne +, writes (13 November 2007):
 you need to either spice it up, or just accept your relationship is already dead, you think u love him cause tis been ages, im not being shallow here, but a relationship is nothing without a sexual pull, the teenaged fuck buddy is just a symbol of what you could have. Talk to your man, tell him you want to be ravished! Why not surprise him one day when he gets home from work by lighting some candles, dress up or should i say dress down...and then see what happens. the fact that he doesnt even need to say anything to get what he wants is disrespectful to you and should NOT submit. thats terrible! he is in no position to do that, u might as well just be a bike rack for his use only. You have two options, talk to him and try to spice it up, or just come to terms with it and leave him for teenaged fuck buddy.
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