A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Alright, after reading some of the discussions on pornography on this website I have some things to say, and a few questions to ask. So these are some of the things people say in defense of porn: 1. It is normal. 2. It is better than cheating 3. It can spice things up in the bedroom 4. Men watch it because they are 'visual creatures' 5. It is harmless in moderation 6. All men watch it because it is ‘a man thing’We are essentially animals, so the animalistic/emotionless nature of porn appeals to us, making it ‘normal’. Sex, of course, is innate- but as humans, we are able to connect sex with a great depth of emotion, unlike any other animal. So am I just more evolved because I ‘take pride’ in the fact that I (always) connect sex with emotion/a part of my depths? Is it because we’re too lazy or empty to bother with this part of sex that we turn to porn? This is not to say that I deny myself ‘animalistic sex’, I am creative enough to come up with raunchy scenarios of my own. So we are told that it is normal for men (and now women too) to watch porn. Well why the hell would I or anyone want a ‘normal’ man? How boring. Many women are feeling hurt, neglected, dehumanized, and disrespected by their partner’s porn use. If ‘normal’ is showing little regard for these feelings than give me extraordinary. Besides all this, I fail to understand how people can get aroused by watching usually abused and mislead people being paid to f**k for the 5,000th time in front of cameras who may not even be enjoying it, and who are in most cases faking it. This is the animal in us right? Are we really so brainwashed? I just think our loss of dignity is astonishing. Am I one of the few who takes pride in the fact that I differ from an animal in that I long for this dignity? Another argument is that porn is better than cheating. Cheating is almost always deemed as unacceptable in a relationship. Well if one half of the relationship deems porn use as unacceptable, than that too should be avoided. In many cases porn IS considered cheating, this is down to personal morals and beliefs and no outside source can say otherwise. Sorry to say this, but people should not have to compare their partners to absolute assholes. There should be mutual respect. The argument that it helps ‘spice things up in the bedroom’ baffles me. I am really not trying to sound all self-righteous, but it just seems that that would be for the weak minded. Porn adds impossible conditions to the expression of love. Usually the man wants to follow a script (even if it’s subconscious) and compels the woman to follow. The expression of creativity is blighted. So I must be a conservative Christian or something right? I must be prude and insecure? Well I’m not. I’m agnostic and liberal. I’m crazy about sex, and I value and respect myself too much to feel insecure over pornography. I’m just a little fed up with all this social conditioning. I’ve questioned so many times whether or not this is the best way of perceiving this, but it always comes down to what I feel in my gut. I have plenty more to say about this ( I haven't even touched on the last three porn defenses) but have obviously written enough for now. Sorry for the novel. So here are some questions: To all those who use porn while claiming to be in a loving relationship: Don’t you want something more? Do you really look inwardly?
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christian, insecure, porn Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008):
Ifporn is so normal and right
why isitonly on the top shelf covered up
why do people lie about it
why isnt iton daytime tv
enough said, only society has made itok. in actual fact, its not!
Sex is between 2 people, not 7 million
A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (3 March 2008):
 Do you know why this posts never come from a man? Because after we rub one out we don't give it a second thought. None of us spends not one second thinking about the bimbo that we will or won't abuse our crank to this evening. Gosh guys i'd love to make it out and chase skirts but I promised my DVD I'd stay in. The reason women don't get it is the same reason you don't find books about the first person joy of giving birth and the hassles of PMS and periods. Well we down at the lodge have come to a consensus that PMS isn't nearly bad enough to be used as an all encompassing free pass to swagger through the house taking the heads off of whoever is foolish enough to cross your path. We wouldn't ever do that. We may know that the guy you flirted with on the elevator is the absolutely perfect guy to whisk you away from us and that your prayers have finally been answered. Of this we are sure. Ask around about periods etc. And be fair ask men. And watch them...really watch them. It will look like a meeting of the eczema support group. And you will never get it. Not on par with a man. Never. What you could understand is how infinitely cool any guy would think you were if you could quit busting our balls over this one thing. It's not the deal breaker in our heads that it is for you. Take the leap of faith. Just on this one thing. Most guys don't ask for much. If you have to fake it give it a shot. But you will never argue a way to understand., There is no magic combination of words and rhetoric that if you heard all that you have heard, but this time its worded just so and this time it will all fall into place and all make sense That moment is not coming. So invest that energy into something productive. Find out why we won't ask for directions Even I can get behind that. It's a bigger mystery than porn. Thats a no brainer. Why will a man run out of gas miles away from his destination just because he won't stop and ask directions. We need help. We are sick. Be the Florence Nightingale of 21st century road warriors
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  + ♥, writes (3 March 2008):
 Hi
the problem as I see it with your post, is you are lumping all porn into the same basket. This is a common misconception amongst people who are anti porn. As they do not watch it they assume it is all degrading to women.
Where in fact a lot of porn is far from it. Yes, there are plenty of porn sites where the women have fake breasts the men huge dicks and the orgasms are faked. But my wife and I do not watch this type of porn. We watch real amateur porn, couples who film themselves and post them on the net. Or we watch female produced porn ( do you even know this exists?). My wife is an avid porn watcher and we both use it to warm ourselves up so to speak , not all the time, just sometimes. Now you can pyschoanalyse this all you want but at the end of the day we watch it because it helps get our rocks off -take that as you will but don't try and tell us that we are hiding something, or missing something, or substituing something real for something false - its simply because we enjoy it.
Seeing porn in such black and white terms of good/bad only demonstrates that you are stuck in your ways.
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A
female
reader, gost8 +, writes (2 March 2008):
A question for you. If you are so against porn, what brought you to this part of the site?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008): well my personal thoughts on the matter is that i am against pornography in any shape or form it comes in however it is not for me to decide whether other people should or should not do it.in the bible lust is a sin and that is what i believe pornography is just lustfull and full of bad intent but a wise saying says that"anything that can commit great evil can also create great good and vice versa"so while i am against it i have no right to judge those that use it i have commited sins as well no one is perfect.so yes i guess it is to each his own.
-michael
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008): I am the person who wrote the post. Male anon.: I am most certainly not trying to dictate, not at all. I'm just questioning porn use. I do not believe people who use porn are failures as human beings. Please don't put words in my mouth. I have the right to say how I feel about it, just as you do. I am well aware that we all have different beliefs, which is expected. There was really no need for the sarcasm. I like what DoubleM said, he raises an interesting point. I can definitely say that I would prefer to decide for myself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008): You ask who is right, but obviously already know the answer in your own mind, YOU ARE RIGHT and everyone who disagrees or even dares to argue with you is a failure as a human being.You don't want a debate, you want to preach. I suggest you do some soul searching and really ask yourselve WHO is the conditioned one. You seem to fit perfectly in the mold of the moralistic upthight woman who thinks she has a right to dictate how everyone else should live.You are NOT a liberal, a liberal would NEVER dictate how other people should live.Porn will always be a issue in a relationship because any relationship has two people with different values trying to find a common ground in which they can be happy. You sound like you had trouble with it in the past, though, find a partner who is as conservative and moralistic as you and then you can both sit at home and rant about how evil porn is.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 March 2008):
 You loved it or you hate it depending on where you stand.
It will never end .
If you think it is wrong, then it is wrong for you .
Birds of a feather flock together.
If you are not the same feather , you may find some problems.
To each his/her own.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (1 March 2008):
 Another excessively complicated post about pornography that baffles, but porn is what it is. It is nothing new - has existed through history - it is just that through technology it has become increasingly more explicit, realistic, available and graphic. It will not go away. Like it, hate it, be addicted to it or not, but as long as so many use or enjoy it in their own way, we must accept that in a free society, "to each his or her own." Would you prefer censorship and socialism?
Would you prefer that you could never view such material because someone decides that you may not? Or would you prefer to decide for yourself?
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A
female
reader, Ann1056263 +, writes (1 March 2008):
 To start off, I'm agnostic and liberal similar to you and also of the same age range. I think it's obvious that you're wholeheartedly against pornography and your reasons are understandable, but I'd like to defend those defenses of porn.
I will summarily answer your questions first, though. I watch porn and am in a loving relationship. I think many women are mistaken in thinking that pornography is somehow a replacement for an actual sex life. It is purely fantasy and a way to release tension and gain pleasure. And what human being doesn't like that?
Now to the points you made...
1. Normal is relative. When many people in one area do something regularly, it becomes normal. Smoking is normal. So, is eating fast food. Both are looked down upon, but neither is out of the ordinary, in the least. Pornography is no different.
2. I don't believe porn has anything to do with cheating. You can watch a romantic movie and wish you had one of the characters as a mate, but is that cheating? Not at all. Porn stars are actors. They're just playing a part, not substituting for a lover.
3. It can spice things up in the bedroom. There's no law that says you have to copy what you see. A couple that watches porn together can simply discover each other desires and dislikes. It opens up a dialogue and sparks ideas that may not have happened without that inspiration.
4 & 6 are just generalizations that should be ignored. Every man is different. Some watch porn. Some don't. And porn isn't a man thing. It's a sexual matter. Women watch as well.
5. Lastly, porn is indeed harmless in moderation; just like everything else is in life.
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