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The people I work with are so horrible they won't even talk to me!

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Question - (11 August 2013) 9 Answers - (Newest, 13 August 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *pendy writes:

Why are the people I work with so horrible?

I got a new job a few months ago and the people there are just horrible.

I've tried to get to know them but none of them have taken interest in getting to know me. I've given up starting small one sodded conversation where I'm just asking them questions.

They chat among themselves but they don't speak to me. Is like I'm not even there.

I hate that place. I love my job, I like what I do but the women there are just nasty.

I don't know what it is I'm doing wrong. I just talk to managers and customers. They are nice people.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013):

Personally, I would report them, and if it does not improve I would find another job.

It may seem like the weaker approach, but you have been there for months and it doesn't sound as though they will be welcoming you into their social circle anytime soon.

I personally think life is short, and I definitely wouldn't stay at a job (where you spend most of your time) feeling miserable and hating it. That sounds like a terrible place to work!

If you really love your job, and feel that you can look past the negative atmosphere, then you should definitely do that! But if you find that it's really bringing you down, then look elsewhere!

Good luck!! :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013):

I've had to work with some very nasty people in my lifetime. I even had a group of women bullys in the workplace try and take me down. I fought back and got the man in charge of that episode fired. Then I went to branch office of the company to get away from those women. I didn't care if I had to work a fast food joint by that time. But, I hung in there and did the best that I could.

You have to learn to work with all types of personalities. What I did was I would study their behavior and play into that to get along with them to make my day easier. Yes, the days will be long and they turned into long years.

At this point, it's a new job, you are the new person, no rank over them.

Just keep working. Keep that as your goal. Be the best you can be at your job. Let the social part go for now unless it is required at a work function.

As you put your time in at the company people should start coming around and being more social.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (12 August 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntdo you work to support yourself or do you work to make friends?

Making friends at work is a side benefit of employment.

stop trying to force something that clearly is not going to happen..

get some hobbies outside of work that keep you happy and busy... work is for work play for play

yes it sucks to not have someone to eat with at lunch time... but most of the time I'd rather be alone and get my errands done anyway.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (12 August 2013):

Sageoldguy1465 agony aunt"Methinks thou doth protest too much..."

The nature and intensity of your plaint makes me wonder the circumstances under which "...the people I work with (are) so horrible...."

Remember, work is work, not a social outing. You say you like your job.... and, as well, that you talk to Customers and managers, who ".. are nice people." Soooo, spend your time and energy focusing on those bits of work that you enjoy.... and give not a whit about the interactions that you have with the (other) "...people I work with..."

Good luck....

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A female reader, malvern United Kingdom + , writes (12 August 2013):

malvern agony auntPeople are strange. You say you started the job a few months ago so, by their standards, you're still a new girl, you're not part of their 'inner sanctum'. I've come across this myself having had many jobs over the years. Just keep yourself to yourself, be yourself and gradually as they get to know you better they will start opening out to you. You will probably find that one of them will be a lot nicer than the rest and start talking to you so just concentrate on them to begin with.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013):

One thing I've learned in life is that "We can't really please everyone".

There would always be a villain in our life.

Otherwise, were in heaven. So they really exist here.

What to do?

Just ignore them. If their not talking to you. don't talk to them too. You went to work for money not to make friends.

Its just a bonus when you get good friends from work. But that's not essential. What you need is to make an outstanding performance at work.

Just do your best everyday, to perform well. Better than what is expected from you. In the future, those people who don't talk to you, might initiate talking to you too.

Focus on your job. Pray and smile.

Good luck.

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A female reader, llifton United States + , writes (12 August 2013):

llifton agony auntjust stop trying to get to know them and keep it all professional. go in, do your job, and leave. don't try to speak to them. that's their loss if they are so snobbish.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (12 August 2013):

eyeswideopen agony auntYep this a repost-repost maybe even a repostx3. She received many good ideas and lot of good advice I can't imagine what exactly she is looking for other than a hit man. Give up dear colleagues.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (12 August 2013):

I've read a post exactly like this one only weeks ago.

Bury yourself in your work. You were hired to do your job, and not to socialize.

You've made a reasonable effort to befriend a pack of bwitches. Leave them alone. This isn't high school, or a popularity contest.

If you're pretty, of a different nationality, or ethnicity; it should be obvious why they treat you this way.

It's about life, survival, and paying the bills. Grow a thick skin, sweetie.

Are you going to show them how weak you are and let them force you out, so they'll hire someone else?

Someone is pissed, because someone they know didn't get the job. So they're trying to push you out!!!

They didn't hire you, and their hostile behavior toward you will be noticed.

If you're a weakling and they're better than you; then prove them right, and quit.

Welcome to life. Stand up for yourself. Once you show you don't give a damn, they'll change their tune.

They get to you, and they know it.

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