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My boyfriend didn't contact me all weekend so I ended things. How do I keep from taking him back?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 August 2013) 5 Answers - (Newest, 14 August 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend (now ex) has been missing all weekend. I know for a fact he is ok as pics of him at house parties have been popping up on facebook. Yet he cannot be bothered to contact me or pick up his phone. Im so angry. I never stop him going out, as I like to go out now and then, but what makes me so mad is that he is uncontactable for the whole weekend. He has done this about 5 times since we have been together, a year. The last time he did it I went so mad and finished it but he came sloping back crying a few days later. I took him back but said if he did it again it was defintitely over. So hes done it again and Ive bagged all his things up and put them outside in the garden. Ive text him and told him its over and and his things are outside. He hasnt replied nor collected his stuff. Im so angry yet a part of me still loves him. I cant take him back as I know it will just happen again. Any tips on how to be strong, not fall for his rubbish excuses and get over it? I need to be strong and stand by my decision but I admit I do crumble so easily. I dont want to do that again.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2013):

No Contact remove his number better yet block his number his Facebook etc... Then move on with your life mourn the loss and move away frm this toxic relationship you will feel empowered! Good luck!

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (12 August 2013):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntTwo suggestions come to mind....

First: Get his possessions OUT OF SIGHT!!! Put them on your front step, and tell him that they will remain there only through the day... after which, you will discard them. Then, DO THAT!!!! (IF/when he comes to retrieve them, DON'T interact with him in ANY WAY!!!!)....

Second: Any time you feel that you are "being weak".... repeat to yourself: "Five times... five times...." until the weakness passes.

Nobody should have to put up with what YOU put up with... FIVE TIMES!!!!

Good luck. Stay strong!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013):

If I were you I would act like I don't even care.

Act like you didn't even notice he was away all weekend. Cause you are way too busy to concern yourself with stupidity. When he comes for his things, let him take it, don't even be around.

Make yourself scarce. When he comes begging and crying like he has done before don't answer his calls. And above all do not let him know that you are bothered.

Give yourself time and space to absorb his maltreatment of you. Take a week, take two, take a month, let him sweat it out. Go out with your girls, go do some yoga, focus on work, read a good book, watch a movie, go to bed early, don't answer his calls.

Let him think about his actions. And don't tolerate it. Be strong. Don't bitch, nag, and moan. Don't give him the pleasure. Just be scarce and give him a taste of life without you. And give yourself the time to really think if this the bullshit you really want to live with. You don't deserve this shit.

You deserve better. Don't settle or allow an idiot to treat you like a fool.

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A female reader, highmaintainance101 Canada +, writes (12 August 2013):

highmaintainance101 agony auntHow to be strong?

That's a tough thing for you to do, right now. why because your still madly in love with him.

I know 'cuz you took time to write here about him.

Well, you need to organize your thoughts.

Make a list of things why you should stop taking him back.

Read it over and over and over again.

Then ask yourself, do I really want to waste my time and suffer from emotional stress this guy is giving me?

If your answer is No, then stick NO to your MIND.

No, No, NO.

Say for example I should not take him back because:

He can't keep his promises to me.

No. because he is not respecting my feelings.

No. because I am suffering from emotional stress because of him.

No because he just makes me cry.

No because he is wasting my time.

and so on and so forth. Until such time you finally believe that you can really say I REALLY DON'T NEED HIM.

You can do it. Good Luck!

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (12 August 2013):

janniepeg agony auntYou go back to your original agreement that if he messes up again it's the end, for good.

I don't know how many boxes you packed and how much postage it would be if you mail them to him. For me even if it's a few hundred bucks it would be worth it for your emotional wellness. If it means he completely disappear from your life. Call me crazy. I've had clothing in my ex's house and he was adamant about seeing me again to give them back to me. I just told him to mail them back to me or throw them into trash. He didn't even bother.

You could even get a helium balloon. Write your "ending statement" on it, then watch it fly in the sky. It's a very emancipating feeling. Maybe someone hundred miles away would pick that up and get inspired.

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