New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login237299 questions, 1044057 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

The messages are turning sexual. When is it a good time to tell him I've never had sex?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 March 2016) 10 Answers - (Newest, 5 April 2016)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I've been talking to this guy for a couple of weeks now and everything seems to be great and going really well. We've been on a few dates that have also turned out well and we both are starting to enjoy each other's company. I'm really starting to like him and he seems to feel the same way in return. Recently our messages have changed and are now discussing sexual things. I am now worried because unlike him, I've never had sex before. When would be a good time to discuss this with him and how?

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

The reason why I spoke to him again was because I wanted to say my piece about how angry I was at his reaction and we spoke about it. He claimed he wanted to try to make things work between us but to me his actions didn't seem like someone who wanted things to work out. Which is why I won't be continuing contact. So again thank you for the advice I will be moving on.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (5 April 2016):

chigirl agony auntYeah, the only reason a guy gets that sexual without there being a commitment first is because he doesn't want commitment. Especially if he answered rudely, just shows his true colours.

I don't see why you should be messaging him at all at this point. Just drop it and don't have anything more to do with him, it's not going to go anywhere unless you want to just sleep with him.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (5 April 2016):

Honeypie agony auntSo if he offended you why not just let it go and cut the contact?

It's only been a couple of weeks.

My guess is he WAS/IS looking for a casual sexual partner not a GF.

It's absolutely OK for you to not take crap from a guy and just block him. You know that right? You own this guy absolutely zero.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for all the replies. I actually did end up saying something because the conversations were going more and more in that direction and I felt it needed to be brought to attention. His reaction however wasn't one that I appreciated and it offended me so as a result us messaging one another hasn't really been the same since I can't personally move past what happened.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2016):

Pre-marital sex is actually a smart thing to do, because you do not want to get married to somebody you are sexually incompatible with.

Having said that I wouldn't lose your virginity with somebody that you have been dating for such a short time. Maybe after a few months?

If he is a nice guy you shouldn't be worried about how he'll react to hearing that you're a virgin; he probably won't mind that you haven't had sex before.

Long term you will probably be happier taking it slow. For the moment maybe you can do something sexual (if you want to) short of intercourse?

Best of luck!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Aussie Guy Australia +, writes (30 March 2016):

The best time to have sex with a man is when you get married to them.

Some men want to have sex and when they get that they lose respect for you and dump you. I know it is a double standard but it happens.

There was an article is an Australian paper where the journalist wrote if you want to get married do not sleep with the man especially on the first date.'

Having sex can blind you to the what he is really like and what his intentions are. Explore the other parts of your relationship ( walking along a beach, having a kiss and cuddle) and leave sex for when you are married.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (29 March 2016):

chigirl agony auntWhen you are in an official relationship.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (29 March 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntI am glad it is going well, but it sounds very early to be talking about sexual things, just make sure he is not wasting your time and wanting a hook up. Wait until things get more serious before telling him, if he talks sexual to you, then tell him you want to get to know him better before chatting like that, if he likes you he will respect that. Good luck.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (29 March 2016):

Tisha-1 agony aunt"Hey, we need to know each other better and have an understanding before we go there." That could be your response when the messages get too sexual for your comfort level.

I'd have a short and sweet and simple conversation with him when you are actually in the same room.

"Derek, I'm really enjoying getting to know you better. I just think you may want to know that I'm not sexually experienced in the way you seem to think, based on our messages."

A guy who is into you for the right reasons will take that in stride, and respect any boundaries you choose to set.

Think of it this way: you'll weed him out if this freaks him out and sends him running.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 March 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI'd tell him if and when you two decide on being exclusive (aka BF/GF).

And maybe tone down the sexy texting. The dating phase is the time you get to KNOW the other person, not play fantasy mind games. While it CAN be highly fun, it can also make you out to be more of tease than a serious GF option.

It's ONLY been a couple of weeks, so maybe still a BIT early for you to jump into bed with him. I think sexting is fine (don't do it myself) - but I think it's something that belong IN a serious relationship between two people who KNOW each other and whom are exclusive.

And I's suggest you talk about this in PERSON, not over text. IF you want this to be a good and healthy relationship then don't try and conduct it over texting. Take it seriously and MAKE the effort the get to KNOW this guy and let him get to know you... and I don't mean in a carnal way.

And I hope you have been SMART enough to not send any dirty pics yet.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "The messages are turning sexual. When is it a good time to tell him I've never had sex?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0312495999969542!