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The husband wants a threesome with the neighbor...

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 January 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 23 January 2009)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

help, my husband was talking about us having a threesome with our neighbor, what do i do?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009):

Well, correct me if I am wrong but when you begin your posting with the word 'help'...this word gives me the impression you are troubled, confused, uneasy about this. I don't know where you stand on your own personal marriage values, but the the fact that you asking for opinions, makes me wonder if you are experiencing doubts and uncertainties. All I can say to you, is what I think..my own personal opinion.

If you have uncertainties, this should be a no-no for one very important reason. Threesomes are not for everyone and you wouldn't be 'out of line' here to say no to this. If you were to go for a 3'some, can you and he keep feelings of insecurity and jealousy out of this? Really think about that! If you think you can't, then you aren't alone in this. Many long term married men/women, would never fathom such a thing in the sanctity of their marriage because they understand the importance of committment, family bonds and boundries. Threesomes can be painfully dangersous and very destructive to a good marriage.

However, I can't help but feel, that when one spouse asks another to consider such a thing, that's they're getting bored and complacent. And obviously, forgetting that marriage is mutual..both spouses working hard at keeping it together and to respect and honor their marriage. (is this your husband, perhaps?) Sometimes we marry people who are emotionally immature, who want only their needs fulfilled with no thought to the consequences. I feel people, like this display no self-control. Self-control as opposed to selfishness requires effort and sacrifice..two main components of marriage. Sacrifice/ efforts means always making time for each other, a high priority.

So, if you don't want this, tell him. If this is not for you..don't be weak and pretend to appease his ego because in this case, you would be giving up so much of your own values and beliefs, just to please a bored husband. Please remember, his 'want' to getting his sexual needs met (no responsibilities, no obligations, just fantasy) has been proven, time and time again, to destroy an alarming number of homes and marriages. So think this through, carefully.

If on the other hand, you want this yourself. Go for it and the best of luck. Just remember, watching your husband 'boink' another women or him watching you 'boink' another man, will burn lasting visions in both your minds forever. If you think you can watch that and then forget it...then I give you credit. Not all of us are able to live with a memory like that.

Good luck, in your choices.

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A female reader, angelnikita United Kingdom +, writes (23 January 2009):

Hi - tell your husband why bring in your neighbor when he has some one so hot like you? you should be enough for him and if he wants to maybe add more spice to your life then suggest other ways to do that by not bringin any one else into the picture. you could watch adult movies together, also try different positions anything and if you dont want threesome tell him absolutely no; if you agree just to please him you will feel bitter in the long run and maybe even end your marriage and you dont want that to happen. on the other hand, if it is something you want then its your choice but whatever you decide stick to your guns, the balls in your court. good luck x

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (23 January 2009):

You don't say if you want to do it or not.

If you want to do it then do it and have fun, but be careful that your husband knows you are the most important one.

If you don't want to do it then tell your husband to keep dreaming and remind him that he has enough to handle in bed with you!

Good Luck!! xx

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A female reader, anon642 United Kingdom +, writes (23 January 2009):

anon642 agony auntI haven't had any personal experience of this however my advice to you would be..how do you feel about having another person present and engaging in your sexual activity with your husband?

If you do not like the idea of this then you need to tell him when he next brings the subject up.

All the best :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009):

No, don't agree with it, threesomes are okay as a fantasy or if you are already long term swingers. Trust me I had one ruin my relationship, he has desires for another woman and a threesome would give him permission to act on his desires, do you really think that it would end there?

Things get very complicated after threesomes especially with someone that you both see regularly, you might want to ask him as well why he thinks she'd agree to such a thing. Have they been discussing this?

Try looking around for successful threesome stories and examine what kind of relationships does it work in and not work in.

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