A
male
age
30-35,
*ikegates30
writes:I am writing this because I am extremely confused and upset right now. It is now 6:15 AM, and I have been up due to the fact that I cannot get these thoughts out of my head. Basically I had some “occurrences” with a girl I used to talk to last year, whom I liked very much. This weekend was a complete mindf***, and I cant even sleep because I'm so unsettled. Before I tell you the story about the weekend though, I must give you some history on the matter. Watch out, this post may get long.About a year ago, I was dating a girl who ended up cheating on me. I dumped her, and started looking for someone else to talk to. I met this girl who was a sister at the Sorority next to my Fraternity, and we began chatting. I found out that she just broke up with her boyfriend too, so we initially had some common ground. Eventually, this chatting turned into a relationship of some sorts, without the actual label. I was fine with it, as I didn't want to have a girlfriend at the time. I enjoyed her company, and kept doing what I was doing.After a while, feelings began to change. I started caring a lot for this girl, we started hanging out more often, and I began to get the thought of “dating” in my head. I didn't want any of this, but it seemed to just come naturally. I couldn't help myself but to experience these feelings, although I tucked them away and ignored them. Summer was coming and it just wouldn't work out (i'm out-of-state, and 9 hours away). However one night I was talking to a sister of hers, and she asked how much I liked her. I said a lot, but I don't want anything serious to come from it. She asked why, and I gave my reasons: distance, freedom, and becoming too attached. She then continued to say that “[this girl] likes you a lot... she said she would date you.” After that comment, I was all weirded out. I mean, its been a month and I haven't even had sex with this girl yet. Now shes down to date me?? Summer is 3 weeks away!!This made me confused. When it came time for sex, I choked and couldn't “initiate” it because I was so worked up over all this stuff, and I didn't want to take the last step without some solid ground. I blamed it on nerves. The following weeks, we slowly stopped talking, and I began talking to another girl on the side. It was nothing serious, and I didn't like her anywhere close to the way I felt for the previous one. It was more of a “transitional stage.” Summer finally came, and we all left college to go back to live at home with our awesome parents. By this time, she was nothing more than a faint memory. Throughout the summer I would think about her sometimes, but I'd forget about it quickly. That was decent enough for me until she would hit me up. Randomly, she would contact me to talk about trivial things. Whenever this happened, I would immediately become upset and non-talkative, because the feelings would rush back to me all at once. I would feel better, but that usually took a little bit. Instead of continuing these chats, I began ignoring her completely. I did this until I returned to school (I took a semester off). After I got back, I found out that she was talking to someone else, which I didn't mind. By this point, she was so insignificant to me that it didn't phase me at all; she was like the healed cut of an old wound. I started talking to other girls, and it was all good for me until this weekend.Friday was a semi-regular party night, minus the fact that the majority of campus left to go home for the weekend. Everyone was partying in my room, listening to music and bumpin' some beats. At some point, that girl came over and began talking to me. As I was under the influence a bit, I just struck up conversation and talked to her for the rest of the night. She stayed for a while and then left. She texted me, so I replied. I convinced her to come back over because her friend was upset, we smoked a cig, and then I went to bed.NEXT PAGEWhen I woke up the next morning, I was thinking “why the heck was she over here last night, and especially talking to me? It was like she was into me again... AND she was texting me?? Wow...” These thoughts and many others ran through my head all day. She ended up texting me again, which intensified these thoughts. As the night came, it was time to party again, and she hit me up to hang out. I told her to come by because there was a party starting in my house. We raged for a bit, hung out with some friends, and had a couple drinks. It was an awesome night. I then saw her friend, the one who was upset the previous night, and struck up some conversation. Somewhere during, I brought up the oddity of “her” suddenly talking to me and hanging out. She paused, and looked at me like she didn't want to say something but had to. She said “Yeah... I think she's into you again. She wanted to spend the night with you last night but didn't. I think she misses you guys' relationship...” I didn't know what to say or think from there on forward. This night was completely flipped upside down, and the months of determination and willpower it took to bury those feelings was instantly excavated away to expose those tender feelings all over again. Now to make it worse, a friend of mine (and I’m pretty sure a couple others) hinted things to her about “us” and made some jokes. This pissed her off, and she left, saying she was “tired.” I told her to come back to hang out with us and watch a movie or something, because it was still early. She asked me to have her friend text her instead. So she did, and told her to come by again. It was then decided that we were gonna watch a movie and hang out for the rest of the night. I smoked a cig with them, and went to go take a shower so I would be in my best (as she was most likely going to stay over). When I came out though, everyone was like “Sorry man, she left again. We tried to get her to stay, but she didn't want to.” This made me upset, but I texted her asking “So no movie huh?” And all I got in return was an empty inbox and an empty couch seat.Sorry for the length, but I also used this as a venting method for myself. Now I'm stuck with the problem of figuring out what I should do. Do I continue this pursuance? Should I even try to start talking again, or should I say f*** it? I feel that if I was to start it again and have it go downhill, I would be far more hurt than if it was just left alone. At the same time, I have intense feelings for this girl that never really healed over (to be honest with you, the strongest I've felt over any girl). Now they're back because she started talking to me out of the blue. She started talking to me just as quickly as she stopped talking the next night. I don't know what to do, but what I do know is that I need to figure out the reason for last night's brutal ending, and the reason for her random interest in me again. Any advice, possible reasons, or comments? Any would be awesome, because its pretty upsetting right now...Thanks guys
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (20 February 2011):
 Well whether you choose to pursue her or not is a choice you're gonna have to make on your own.
As for her being a bit hot & cold, I think it could be because she's trying to figure out what you're thinking. Nobody wants to get rejected and by you not saying anything after her "upset friend" confessed that this girl still liked you... pretty wishy-washy and unconvincing.
With her not knowing what you're thinking whilst getting heckled by your mates... its not exactly painting a convincing picture that you like her... Hell, if she's ever read the book "He's just not that into you" then technically, you'd be a write off. So consider this... why would she pursue you and risk rejection/humiliation when she's getting mixed signals about your interest in her...?
A
female
reader, foxy7727 +, writes (20 February 2011):
 So she wanted to date you in the beginning and then you cut ties with her but now that she wants to try and talk to you again but leavs because she's probibly confused confuses you? I see it like this.......she likes u this is obviouse she's the one texting you first.....she's the one who calls you to hang out......when in my opinion most of the time the guy is supposed to put forth the effort. But I think your confused more on if your ready to date. I def say text her or call her and go for it. I don't think shell disapoint you for I don't really see how she disapointed you the first time but its def worth another shot if your ready to put forth as much effort as she is.
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A
female
reader, Gleek4Life  +, writes (20 February 2011):
It took a while to chew through your novel there.. If I can be brutally honest with you, if I were her I wouldn't even bother wasting my time with you. When you first found out that she liked you, you ran a mile and stopped talking to the poor girl, who probably wondered what the hell she'd done to deserve it. Instead of accepting what her mate is saying as the gospel truth why don't you actually sit down with the girl you like, just the two of you. No mates there, or alcohol involved and both talk about what you want and where you think you might be heading.
If she likes you and you like her as much as you say then I don't understand why you don't ask her to date you. If she's a really cool girl, she'll get snapped up in no time and you'll miss your chance. Just go for it and tell her how you feel.
Good Luck!
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