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The Cheating young Husband and an older wife?

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Question - (18 April 2013) 5 Answers - (Newest, 18 April 2013)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I have been with my husband for four and a half years he has cheated 3 times and treats me like crap, will his cheating ever stop, is it my fault? He is 25 and I am 50.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (18 April 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI'm 53. My husband 39. If my husband cheated on me ONCE he would be GONE... but he would not do that.

You say your husband treats you like crap but your only question was "will the cheating ever stop" NOT "how can I get him to treat me better?"

OP his behavior is NOT a function of his age. It's a function of his assholeliness. Sorry... your "husband" is a jerk and cad. He will never stop cheating on you because he doesn't have to. You permit it. By NOT leaving YOU permit it.

HIS lousy bad behavior is NOT your fault. You did not drive him to this.

I am sensing you have a self-esteem issue. IF you do I strongly suggest PRIVATE counseling for you alone to work on this so when you are ready you can throw this man out and get on with your life.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (18 April 2013):

I'm 25, and I've been with my girlfriend who is older than me for 4 years. I'd never have treated her this way. Ever. But then I'm mature.

Truth is, your husband isn't really a husband, he's just a playboy who's using you. It's certainly not your fault that he's this way. It's him.

Ultimately, why bother being with someone like this?

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom +, writes (18 April 2013):

oldbag agony auntHi

He's 25 and behaving like he is still young free and single. He has all the home comforts and you waiting while he sows his wild seed.

It's not your 'fault' he can't keep it in his trousers, he made vows and is knowingly breaking them. At any age that's wrong, to deceive your spouse.

The age-gap is pretty big so when your 70 he will still be half that and probably still cheating, because that's how he is made.

I would let him go, find a man who is at the same stage of life as you, before this current one saps every bit of self esteem you have and your confidence is zero.

Wouldn't you rather be happy?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2013):

Yeah it's your fault. It's your fault for not divorcing the dickbag at the first sign of maltreatment or the the first time he cheated. It's your fault this is happening in the sense that he should already be gone.

Is it your fault he cheated? No, not for one second and don't let anyone try and feed you any bullshit about not fulfilling his needs or him being unhappy. Cheating is never acceptable and never the fault of the person who has been cheated on.

Is it your fault he's treating you badly? Yes, in the sense he's still around and you seem to tolerate it. He can only treat you bad if you let him. Are you making him treat you badly? No, again no one deserves to be treated badly, you're supposed to treat people with respect and kindness by default. If you were treating him badly he doesn't get to do it back, he should leave.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (18 April 2013):

Aunty BimBim agony auntIt's not your fault, 4 and a half years ago when you got together with him he was around 20 years old .... now I know people are going to say there are mature young men around of that age but in my experience the light doesn't come on for young men until they are about 30. You married a boy ... why? While I assume the sex was good I can't imagine there was a huge connection cerebally. What did you find to talk about?

Seems to me you married a boy and he is still a boy, incable of behaving like a married grown up. Maybe he is spreading his wild oats before he settles down.

You need to sit him down and have a conversation with him, find out what he wants for his future, work out what you want and if both are compatible. Personally I don't understand why you thought this marriage would work in the first place.

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