A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im in a 2 years relationship and we r great with my boyfriend...im graduating this year and we r planning to try for a baby:) whats the difficulitties of being ateen mom? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, smooch  +, writes (21 January 2011):
 I say don't do it. You're both still young and have a lot of time to try and have kids. After you graduate high school both of you should live your lives and then after a while try living together and once you both have steady decent paying jobs and you feel that you're ready then talk about it.
My cousin and I are the same age. Right out of high school she got pregnant with her boyfriend of about 2 years. They both changed a lot and things fell apart for them. She still lives at home with her parents and takes care of the kid while the baby's father still goes out and lives a regular life for his age and never even sees his son. She wanted to be an OBGYN and had already started taking classes to become one, but now she works at a dead end job and can't afford to do anything but support her baby even with her parents' help.
I can honestly say that I'm a completely different person from when I was 18 (I'm only 20). I've lived with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and I work at a job with long hours but it's easy and pays decent and I'm going to school to get a degree and after work I'm able to spend personal time with my boyfriend at home or go out on weekends until I feel like coming home.
You have lots of time for kids and you need to think of the facts. How will you support the baby? Are you really ready to raise a child? Are you ready to give up a full night sleep? What if he leaves you, can you handle being a single teen mom? Are you ready to give up your entire personal life and have everything be about the baby?
Also, if you wait a few years then you can learn more about yourself and become an adult, also you can get a good job so that you can actually provide for a baby.
Having a baby is a BIG responsibility that A LOT of people aren't ready for.
My younger sister just found out that she's pregnant and decided to keep it. She just graduated highschool and was going to college to get a degree in business managament. She still lives at home and has a very low paying part time job. My parents are already paying for everything for her (she doesn't even know how to pay a bill) and she is used to having lots of expensive things and everything being about her. Her boyfriend still hasn't even told all of his family that she's pregnant and since she became pregnant he has been spending less and less time with her, even though they both wanted to keep the baby. Her life is completely ruined because she has chosen to have a baby that her and her boyfriend have no way of supporting and pretty much her life is going to be put on hold for the next 18 years.
A
male
reader, willow90  +, writes (21 January 2011):
Not to sound mean or anything but I as a guy would not recommend you get to be a mother at full time this early.
First of all being a mom in that age is difficult I know it because my mom were 18 years when she got married and got her first child. We do live great now but she lost her career if she had just waited 5 years she would have higher education.
But bealive me do NOT commit this early being a 17 year old mom is really something breath taking for a young women like you.
I for instance will not get married to my dream girl until I turn 25 at least then I will check of how it would go because you don't want your child to get a youth not as good as it could have been.
At this time best thing you can do is to have fun with your boyfriend do not make any stupid mistakes that will ruin your education.
You have plenty of time to get children and to get married just get your education and after that see how you want it to go.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 January 2011):
 What about money ?..And housing ?
Do you have a good , steady job providing a decent income, and a place large and nice enough to raise a child in ? Have you got some savings for emergencies, medical or otherwise ? Transportation ? Who is gonna provide childcare when you are at work, and who's gonna pay for it ?...
If at about 17 you already have all your financial ducks in a row, congratulations. If you don't... please keep your reproductive instincts in check until you do , otherwise you'll end up being an unfair burden to your family and / or your State.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (21 January 2011):
 Ok, in terms of health, here is why having a child under the age of 20 is a bad idea:
- Teenage mothers are less likely to gain adequate weight during their pregnancy, leading to low birthweight. Low birthweight is associated with several infant and childhood disorders and a higher rate of infant mortality. Low-birthweight babies are more likely to have organs that are not fully developed, which can result in complications, such as bleeding in the brain, respiratory distress syndrome, and intestinal problems.
- Pregnant teens have a higher risk of getting high blood pressure - called pregnancy-induced hypertension - than pregnant women in their 20s or 30s. They also have a higher risk of preeclampsia. This is a dangerous medical condition that combines high blood pressure with excess protein in the urine, swelling of a mother's hands and face, and organ damage.
Aside from putting your health at risk and your unborn child's health at risk, here are the other
1. Are you in a stable, long term relationship where the chances are you will get married in the near future?
2. Do you own or rent a house big enough to have a child?
3. Do you have a good career with future prospects?
4. Does your partner have a good career where he can support you and the child?
5. Have you finished your education?
6. Do you have a car?
7. Do you have some savings ready to fork out the initial costs of having a child? Like buying all the things you need in preparation for a child?
8. Do you have a supportive family network around you?
9. Are you ready to give up going out with friends, having any money to buy clothes/make-up etc for yourself? All for the baby? You will have no time or money for yourself so you need to be ready to give up a lot for this child.
Think about it this way - you want to give your child the best life you possibly can, but is this possible at your age? Or would you be able to provide more for your child, like educational toys, days out, more knowledge and wisdom, a better family environment, if you waited a few years?
The reason why most people wait until they are in their 20's to have kids is so they can finish their educations, get good jobs that pay well (children are SO expensive, they estimate it will cost over $100,000 until the child is 18), and more importantly - so that you are wise enough and knoweldgeable enough to raise a child well. When the child comes to you asking for help with its homework, or wants to know some deep question about life, normally you need a good amount of life experience behind you to really give your child the knowledge and values it needs to set them up in life. And if you have not lived, and all you have done is quit school to have a child, you are not going to be able to give it the rounded, knowledgeable childhood it needs to turn the child into a well-rounded adult.
Think about if you are in a position to give the child the best life possible, or if you need to get your life sorted first. There is never any harm in waiting, if you have a child at 23/25 you will still be a young mum but at least you will be in a better place in life to handle having a child.
Having a baby now will not make your life better - it will only make it worse. You will have no money, no friends, and no future. The baby wont show its love for you for a few years - at first it is just a pooping, eating and sleeping machine that is only interested in the people that feed it. Love is not enough for a child - it needs the support of 2 adults (mum and dad) who are mentally and emotionally ready for a child and the hardship it brings. You cannot give the child all it needs on love alone, a baby needs so much more.
Even if you are in love with your boyfriend and are happy, just enjoy being young and in love for a few more years - babies can wait. You have the rest of your life to be a mum, but you only have your teenage years once and these years should be the best of your life. See what your relationship is like when you are 20 and see how your lives turn out - then you will be in a much better position to have a child.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (21 January 2011):
 I've been there, done that, and I would NOT recommend it.
I got married at 19, had a baby shortly afterwards. Most young women are just not prepared for the changes that having a baby involves. PICTURE THIS: Friday night--your friends want to go out and have some fun...you can't because...Your baby is sick, you've been up all day and night while it is teething. Saturday morning...you'd like to go to the beach...you can't because you can't find a babysitter and its too hot to take your baby to the beach.
The little every day things that you take forgranted now disappear...the Coach purse you want? Forget it. Your money goes for diapers, formula, ect. The baby has to come first.
Going to college? VERY VERY DIFFICULT. You probably won't have the money, the time, or the energy. Sleep? HA HA...forget that too...you sleep when the baby sleeps...and you pray that the baby isn't colicky.
Romance? That falls by the wayside too. If you are married (like I was) you still have alot of stress because suddenly its not the 2 of you, its the 3 of you..and again..the baby has to come first. And god forbid, if you and your boyfriend break up after the baby is born (my marriage fell apart because my husband was too immature at 20)...you are REALLY screwed. There you are, young, alone and trying to make a life for not only yourself, but a baby.
STILL want to have a baby this young?? I want you to understand that I am painting a very bleak picture, but this is what it was like for me and trust me, I was lucky! I have lived this life. I know what I am talking about. I had my daughter when I was 19, my marriage fell apart within 2 years. I was 21 and alone with an 18 month old child. I WAS LUCKY..my daughter was extremely healthy, slept through the night, and I had a very very supportive family..my grandmother and my mother adored my daughter and watched her the majority of the time so I could go to college, work part time, or even occasionally go out with friends. AGAIN...I WAS VERY LUCKY...but still, I missed out on things that other young people take for granted. And dating???? HA HA....When you are young and single and have a baby....the majority of guys run, or think you are easy..so it makes dating very difficult. I loved my daughter, and it certainly wasn't her fault, and now that I am almost 50 and she is grown and happy..its cool that I am still young and am "free", unlike many other parents my age. But if I had it to do over again, I would have waited.
Please think things over VERY CAREFULLY...there is always time to have a baby. LIVE, LOVE and ENJOY your freedom, sweetie. Take it from someone who has been there.
...............................
A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (21 January 2011):
Just do not do it. You will regret it. I know your relationship seems perfect now, but things change. Babies are cute yes and you will love him/her...but still wait. Let me tell you...a high school diploma is ABSOLUTELY nothing out here...an undergraduate degree is not much, you want to at least get your Masters degree. Get your education first, by the time you are 24 (still a kid) you will be about to start a great job God willing. Then, you save..live your life and eventually settle down. Just don't put yourself in a situation where you are always playing catch up.
...............................
A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (21 January 2011):
 Speaking from experience, VERY DIFFICULT! You are going to get so many answers on this question and I hope you listen to the advice. I love my daughter and wouldn't change her for anything, she's the most important person in my world but if I could go back and have her just a few years later than I did then I would!
You and you bf are so young, you are both going to change massivly as people as you grow from teens to adults and you may find yourselves no longer compatible. I know you don't want to think that now, you're probably thinking you love him so much, you'll be together forever, do whatever it takes to make it work etc...that's what I thought too and although I was with her father for 7 years we became completely different people and eventually split.
Don't think you're friends will stick around either. There'll be one or two true friends that'll stick by you despite the fact you can never leave the house to meet up with them becase you're up to your eyeballs in dirty nappies and bottles, but for the most part you'll lose touch with the rest. Think about it, they're going to be out, getting jobs, shopping, going to parties, meeting boys etc, all the normal things that teenagers should be doing. You won't be able to do any of that. Sure, when you're pregnant everyones excited and promising to babysit but once the baby arrives it rarely happens. Even if you do get a sitter 9 times out of 10 you'll be too shattered to go out anyway!
It's great that you have a strong maternal instinct and I'm sure you'll make a fantastic mother in time but don't you want to be the best mum you possibly can be? Get as much education as you can, work hard to find a good job so your future children will be proud of you and you'll have the finances to support them properly.
In the meantime enjoy being with your bf, enjoy being young and working out who you are and your place in the world. Allow yourself to grow up and have fun before you tie yourself down for the next 18 years at least! It will happen in time but there's no reason it has to be now. Think about it.
...............................
|
