A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 9 years had an affair 2 years ago. The affair is over and I thought I was over it.However, my husband has an old female friend (?)that recently looked him up. She called him twice so far this month. I told him that I found it unusual that a woman would look him up after 10 years. He claims she is just one of the guys and is now married.I thought everything was in the past until this. However, I find myself resentful and distrustful. Any advice is appreciated.
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female
reader, snow lover  +, writes (7 September 2010):
My husband of 12 years was a cheater. He was my best friend in the whole world. When I found him cheating be begged me to stay with him, he promised to get counselling, he promised it would never happen again. I saw him change for a year; he was open and told me everything. Unfortunately, I was like a dog looking for a bone for at least a year. I went through cell phone bills, credit card statements and found nothing. I thought I could learn to trust him again and I went through phases, as one point I distrusted all males. Then at the 4 year point I decided enough was enough, I woke up one day and put it all behind me. Approximately 3 weeks later he decided to leave me and the kids for his new mistress (I did not even know he had one). So my advice to you is once the trust in a marriage has been broken, no matter how hard you try to fix it. It can never be fixed. I am a strong willed individual and I always thought I would divorce my husband if he cheated , when it happened to me I loved him too much to leave and I wanted to help him and fix the marriage. Do not waste your life checking up on him, you are worth more. You have been betrayed! He thought he could have his cake and eat it too. Once a cheater always a cheater.I have been separated (nearly divorced) for 2 years. It has not been easy, I look back and see how foolish I was to try to give a second chance. I deserve a relationship where the other person respects me and loves me as much as I do them. This is what you deserve.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): Thats the problem once trust is broken. There are always things that trigger mistrust. It takes time...i know its a tired cliche but time really is the best healer.
Your husband needs to be very open about who he is talking to, and who he spends time with.
I have a friend whose husband was unfaithful, and it was really hard for both of them to heal...
Her feelings were if he went to the grocery store and took longer than she thought it should take, she was scared and wondering if he had met someone on the sly.
His take was, no matter how hard he tried, the least little thing, a long line at the store, slow traffic, caused him to be met at the door with accusations...
It takes a lot of effort on both sides, but especially the wronged party to ever get over this. Give yourself a break, and try to let go.
On the other hand do NOT turn a blind eye to anything that doesnt feel right. good luck, mal
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