A
female
age
30-35,
*ovehel
writes:While he was in Italy on holiday with his mom who always a burden on our relationship, he told me he wanted to move out with me, and take the next step, I was hopeful. A week later he calls me telling me he has decided to move to Italy for good, that he wants to have a family there, and tried to convince me to go, he said he was going anyway, and that one day I will understand. I don't have the language, and am still in college, instead of supporting me through that and waiting a few years, he made the decision without me. I was extremely let down, hurt, felt betrayed to a certain degree that after 6 years, he could do this, walk away so easily. When he got back I ended up avoiding him for 2 days, saying I was busy with college stuff etc...cause I was so hurt and had no idea what to say or how to handle it. He was sending me texts saying how I don't care, what kind of love is this etc...blaming me. I ended up losing my patience, telling him the way you treated me was a joke, I am not a dog who follows someone to a country, you didn't have the decency to even discuss this with me etc...I was expressing my hurt through text because I was so angry and couldn't bring myself to see him. He ended up saying "I am done with you" instead of it sinking in, I went on the defense and said that was obvious the minute you made your decision. He said good luck with your small life you small person. That was hurtful, and I didn't see the reason behind such a horrible ending and hurtful ending text. That was it.For some reason 3 months on of no contact, but I had never missed someone so much in my life, and was completely stuck in my life, even with counseling, it was just helping me cope by not falling into a serious depression where I lost all hope, but still I haven't got the feeling to live my life back. This massive painful void was left in my life and nothing or nobody could take it away, it is like something that is meant to be there is not. I saw last month he created playlists on youtube with all these sad love songs, saying I wish she would come back around etc...one song even had my name in it. I thought wow he does have a heart, he does care. I did think maybe if I just reached out things would be okay, and that maybe he was in a bad space at the time and was scared to contact me. I decided I had enough of this, and came across blogs on forgiveness, and apologies etc...I thought maybe this would do the trick. I thought the way I handled it wasn't correct, and I should have met in person, and dealt with it properly. I end up breaking contact.I sent him a message on whatsapp: "Hi this is Lauren. I know it has been a while, but I am saddened by the way things happened between us. I wanted to apologize for my part and the way I handled the situation regarding your decision with Italy. Anyway, hope you are doing well."He replies "who's this? oh hi, thanks"I reply " It's Lauren, You are welcome, take care"He replies " take care"I then say this to which I got no response " It would have been nice if you offered an apology back for your part, but I wasn't expecting one. It seems you don't care. Either way I have forgiven you, wishing you well".The coldness and indifference of his responses really got to me,how could the person I loved with every fiber of my being just not bother to even ask how I am, not care to see me before they move country. I can see he is online all the time, yet can't take the time to respond to last my message. I just can't get over how he is happy being strangers for the rest of our lives. I am sure he wouldn't have contacted me if I didn't. I feel I just made it ten times worse reaching out, stupidly thinking it would help.I don't know if I am ever going to get over this lost feeling, feeling that something is not right, I just want to be with him, but he doesn't care. I don't need anyone saying what a stupid mistake or something, I already feel bad enough. I would appreciate some advice, or help or something. Thanks
View related questions:
on holiday, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (15 June 2017):
 You need to block all his contact details and allow yourself to move on. Yes it was a mistake contacting him because the only person you hurt was yourself. Honestly the best thing to do is give yourself time. Time will heal you, but you need to stay away from contacting him. Keep busy with friends and family and realize that the relationship is over and you will find someone else once you have healed.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (4 June 2017):
 Draw a line under it.
I've been in your shoes sending messages you shouldnt to someone you're trying to get over and feeling crappy because you don't get the response you want.
There is nothing you can do. Block and delete. You guys broke up for a reason meaning it's not meant to be. Someone will come along and fill that gap. It doesn't fee like it will, but it will. You were together for quite a while but think of people that break up after 10, 20, 30 years. Everyone has periods of feeling like shit, it's life, it's not fair, but you need to pick yourself up and get on with it.
The world doesn't stop for anything and the more you feel sorry for yourself, what is it going to change? Absolutely nothing. So why do it? Snap out of it. Fill your time with productive acts.
Everyone will be heartbroken at least once in their life, but humans have a great ability to deal with whatever life throws at them. You've coped for this long with it, you will feel like you haven't, but you haven't gone into complete shutdown have you? So you can cope with it. Just keep gping and give it time.
You will get there.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (4 June 2017):
 You will get the responses you get. You can't cherry pick. There is really no quick fix for you. It is a painful process getting over someone. And I am not going to tell you it will be quick.
All you can do is concentrate on you - your life - your needs - your friends - your family.
I'm sorry this hasn't worked out for you. Most of us have been through what you are suffering. All I can say is that you will get through it. Keep strong.
...............................
|
