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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I;m only in my early forties ,and my husband does not want to have any sexual contact with me due to some unclear psychological problems.I need sex, i don't believe in cheating, shoud I leave him? It is a tragedy for me, I never thought it will turn out like this.Tried everything therapy, spice it up, talking about it, it is no longer any possibility.Should I stay in a sexless mariage? Or should I take a chance? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bobbles32  +, writes (7 August 2009):
 Have you tried Viagra? Has he been prescribed anything to fix his lack of sex drive? I'm pretty sure somewhere in your marriage vows it probably said something about "in health and sickness" or did you edit that part out? I realise that sexual contact is important to you.. but stuff like this happens.
Have you told your hubby about your need for sexual contact? Has he seen a doctor?
I'd stay, if you're still in love.
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (7 August 2009):
 I am wondering if the probelms are unclear to him, or to you? There needs to be some honesty here. And from what you are saying, the onus is on him to be straight with with you.
I believe that every person has the right to have a sexually fulfilling life. You seem to be trying quite hard from your end, and getting nothing coming back from your husband. Well he can't keep hiding his problem, or hiding behind it. You need to know. Sit him down, tell him how much you love him, and gently ask him how you can help him to overcome his problem. If he still cannot talk to you about it, then it is time to re-evaluate your marriage.
I suppose that hugs and kisses are not enough, or as far as your husband is concerend, is a prelude to sex? Can you involve him when you use a vibrator? Anything is good, but cheating, or leaving him seems quite bad.
It all depends on how highly you value the marriage outside of the bedroom.
Keep working on a solution. Get him to open up, or introduce him to Viagra. Those things work!
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (7 August 2009):
 If you have exhausted all your options(Marriage Counselling being a huge part of that) and if you can walk away with your head high saying that you tried every single thing you could, then under no circumstances should you stay in a loveless marriage.
Please give your husband the chance to at least try it as well. If it is a sex issue then maybe counselling or therapy would help.
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A
male
reader, eddie34 +, writes (7 August 2009):
 Does he have erectile dysfunction or just psychological impotence. Many men do want to have sex with their wives but cannot preform due to having Erectile Dysfunction? Have you ever talked to him about seeing a doctor about Viagra or even Cialis? These are Impotence meds that usually help men with erections. This is a great article on how women can tell if their husbands have ED: http://www.edguider.com/edblog/2009/06/02/how-to-tell-if-your-husband-has-erectile-dysfunction/ Try looking for the signs, this site http://www.edguider.com/ has allot of good articles meant for me but take a peak and it might give you some insight on how to help you husband.
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A
female
reader, Twistedbaby420 +, writes (7 August 2009):
 How long were you two in therapy together? What kind of testing has he had done? How has your husband said that he feels about this, or what does he believe is the underlying issue?
I would strongly encourage you to speak with another doctor or see another therapist/sexologist if possible, IF the two of you are in a happy marriage aside from not having sex. I truly believe that you two should be able to find help somewhere (if you want this marriage to work).
However, if you've both been truly unhappy in your marriage before this problem arose, then perhaps leaving would be best for the both of you.
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A
male
reader, happyhello  +, writes (7 August 2009):
 i don't think you should get a divorce just yet. but maybe a separation or take some time apart. see other people, and he should see other people too, maybe it will help him realize what he's missing or he'll find what he's truly after. people need sex it's a part of life, but you don't want to get a divorce then regret it when you realize your life was actually better with him.
but you should never stay in a relationship you aren't happy with and you didn't mention anything about still loving him?
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y +, writes (7 August 2009):
 No, if you want and need affection and intimacy, then you have a right to go and find it. Staying with someone out of a sense of duty isn't noble or selfless, it's a stupid waste of your life. Seeking contentment isn't selfish, it's your right. Good luck. :)
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