A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a great relationship with a guy 20 years older. We are both legal adults. Most people around when we are on a date treat us like they would anyone else. Usually once or twice per date we get a rude stare or worse. Once when we were together a man pointed us out to his daughter and made rude remarks within earshot. Another time a guy between our ages looked at him nodded his head at me and then gave him a look like he was a perv and continued staring at him even after he'd turned away. It was hurtful when I met some of his friends and got along well except for one who snubbed me the whole day except for a few subtle insulting references about ages. Of course, like I said, the majority of people don't care at all. But it's stressful having to endure abuse for being with the man I love. I know he notices the looks we get too, but we've never talked about it. He's said that our age difference doesn't phase him at all. How can I keep from letting these few arrogent, insecure people weigh me down with their continued remarks and stares? I don't want to get a complex over this, I only want to live a simple loving relationship and not be harassed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): I'd like to second what everyone else here has said, don't let the comments get to you. If people are so bothered about your love life, it probably means that they have none of their own. In short people who are just going to pass judgement without getting to know you two are not worth the time of day, and therefore not worth your time worrying about what they think of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): yes, same stuff happened to me too. I am going out with a guy who is 11 years older than me. When he was just hitting on me, my house mate saw him for the first time and said,"you must be her dad." He laughed and said he was not that generation.The same night, another friend saw us eating together and asked me if he was my dad in front of him and gave him a weird look.My guy did not make it a big deal, but he hates my frd for sure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): that's really strange that people act that way. my mom is 18 years younger than my dad, and she never said anything like that has ever happened to her. where do you live? maybe you should move to LA or New York because I see older men with younger women all the time.
if people are going to act like jerks, then you shouldn't even bother giving them the time of day with a response. screw 'em i say, who are they to judge!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): I'm so glad to hear that we've helped! Thanks so much for the update!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone who responded. : 4 ppl. responded so soon made my night. You've all been very helpful with your advice. Thanks so much!!!
I'm going to work on changing my focus so that I can better appreciate that we love each other, which is such a beautiful thing and is untouched by judgmental low-lifes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): there was a poster here shortly ago who was considering a relationship with someone a good bit older than her. I hope she sees your post because my exact advice to her was she follow her heart but be prepared for the way that people will judge her. The looks you are getting now are as damaging as the ones i get because i am pregnant, but only 19. But since my husband is in Afghanistan, they assume i am just another teen slut, as i am always unaccompanied. You just can't please everyone. When you go home at the end of the day, you are still just as in love as you were that morning and youwill never have to talk to any of those strangers again. If it is yours and his friends who are causing a problem, then they shoudl be spoken with and demanded to repsect the relationship as a friend would do. Focus on your man when you are in public and not everyone around you and who is lookng at you. And discussing this topic with him may be a god idea. You said you never have before but he might be able to make you feel better about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): You are giving them too much power over you! If you are happy and in love, don't let it bother you! I know that is simplifying the situation, but you really have to train your brain to counteract the rude comments with a smile! When someone says or does something like that just tell yourself this is the man I love and I am proud of it! smile, and go on your way!
There are so many judgemental, miserable people in the world and when you come across them...know that they are the ones with the problem not you! Feel sorry for them, for they are so unhappy, they have to judge others, and spread misery!
BE PROUD OF YOUR MAN!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): i totally agree with gothgirl. she is right. i married a man that was 24 years older and people did us the same way. they are just jealous that the was i look at it. i would let it roll of my back. don't worry about them. if you are happy then you stay happy. hes not worried about it. good luck.
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reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (20 April 2009):
 Ignore them. Who cares what they think? You can't control their behavior, but you can control your own. Stand up for yourself. Don't be rude, but be assertive and stand up for yourself. Say stuff back, or say something to him that they can hear, like "You know I can't believe how some people can be so judgmental."
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