A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my husband left me and our son 3 months ago to think! after 3 months he came back and sai he cant come back to us as he sdoesnt love me. he says he will stiffle all feelings he has left for me. i used to drink which he hated but i didnt realise the problem was such an issue to him. since he left i have made so many changes but nothing is good enough. he comers around the house to fix things. i love him and want him back but he has put a wall. what can i do Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): Well, I agree it is a good sign he's wanting to make sure his family is being taken care of. His hurt/pain is deep, and I think he is 'watching you' to see if your changes are 'real' or temporary. Maybe you have some deep pain in your past and turned to alcohol instead of help? Please talk to a trusted friend if there's any feelings from the past that need healing. I have a good church with some good friends there to help me get through trying times. Do you have church family to turn to? I will pray for you today to give you a New Hope in living :)
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (3 December 2008):
 Time is a great healer and things often said in angry moments are not meant. He still comes round to help you with the house so he hasn't cut you off. You have changed things about yourself which he is sure to notice. If he didn't like you drinking make sure you don't when he is there and that there is no evidence of this on view when he comes round. When he does come round don't act all desperate and needy and don't beg him back as men hate it if they can even sniff low self esteem in a woman. When my husband left me I changed a lot of things about myself that he was not happy with but these were not things that I wanted to do for me , only to get him back so make sure any changes you make are for you and you alone. I don't think this is a lost cause just behave decently when he comes round and let him see you are not drinking as this may have been a major issue with him. Always be confident and bright and friendly when you see him but do not ask him to stay or make any unnecessary demands. If he can see you as a strong and independent woman, all well and good.
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (3 December 2008):
 Just keep doing the things to improve your own life and the life of your children. Be respectful of his wishes and don't push the issue. If he has to stiffle feelings that he has left for you then chances are it might not be a lost cause.
Try to do whatever you can to be the woman and Mother you should be and in time he will see that you want the best for all concerned. If he has feelings that he won't give in to, it's ok for now, let him have his space to figure out if this is what he really wants.
In the long run if he never returns to the marriage, hopefully he will still be a good friend and Father to the children. Don't get too many folks involved in your business because it can complicate things and cause more trouble. Learn to listen to what he is telling you about how he feels in words or action. Let him have his time to reflect on those feelings.
Remember that Marriage takes two. There will always be alot of working thru problems, communicating, taking and giving. Sometimes with compromise, but always with Love and self control and respect. Marriage isn't something to take lightly and it should be cherished, always. I pray that things will work out for you and your family.
When you do all you can, let him see the new you and I am sure he will notice with eyes wide open. Let's just hope he has an OPEN and RECEPTIVE HEART as WELL.
Try not to be so hard on yourself, your mistakes are in the Past. Let them stay there and make new habits for a brighter future!
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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