A
female
age
36-40,
*rinitygrace
writes:Okay, my fiance' Kevin and I have been together for over 4 years. We did break up in 2005 for six months but got back together in Feb. 2006. Ever since we have gotten back together, things have been wonderful. We have grown so much stronger and have a more mature, fulfilling relationship. We are both Christians and truly love God. The only thing is, even though he gave me back my pre-engagement ring in October saying he wanted to be with me forever and adding that he was going to get me a "better" ring, he seems like he is not ready to marry me. We both already set a date for July 7, 2007. I honestly don't think it's going to happen because he isn't excited about it at all (he said women mainly get excited for weddings).I am so disappointed. He just said that he is not ready to spend money on a ring or a wedding. I am so upset to hear this. But he does reassure me that he wants to be with me forever and that I am "the one". When we got back together he told me that he wanted to marry me really soon. I know he is the one but it just seems I am wasting my time if we don't get married. Granted, he is two years younger than me, but we've known each other and have been together for almost 5 years!! Sorry for the long post! Please share your thoughts on what I should do! Thanks and God Bless!
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (16 January 2007):
He has been honest with you in saying that he would like the security and stability of a steady job and steady pay before marrying you. This is an indication that he wants to be able to handle the responsibility of providing for you financially, and to take care of you. This is a good thing, and I don't think it is unreasonable. But.......
1. What do you think? Is it a reasonable request that he feels more secure financially, which I am sure will take the pressure off him? Perhaps if you consider the pressures he might be feeling, this might be something you can do for him to make him feel at ease about the decision, and will take the pressure off you both if you agree it is not unfair. If you don't agree, maybe discussing your different points of view will shed some understanding on both of you, even if you both ultimately have to reach some kind of compromise. It is something you will have to be able to do in a marriage anyhow, this kind of negotiation, so no harm in speaking your mind.
2. I think it is reasonable, but also keep in mind that if he is waiting for the perfect time in his life to get married, that perfect time might never come. He might never feel 100% in control of his life, might never be 100% financially secure enough. At some point you have to bite the bullet. As long as he (and you) know that, I am sure you will be fine.
3. Praying is good. Ask God for guidence, and then make your choices as best you can. We make choices in life, but do not control the outcomes, so do not judge the outcomes of those choices as that is God's realm.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, trinitygrace +, writes (16 January 2007):
trinitygrace is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't done anything yet. I have also posted this question to gain advice on Christianforums.com. I am a devout Christian and plan to continue praying about this situation as well as go to my pastor with some questions. The last thing I want to do is pressure him. I feel it's not that he doesn't WANT to marry me, I think the finances play a big part in it, plus he wants to get his career established as a patrol officer first. He wants to have a steady job he enjoys with steady pay coming in before he gets married. He already told me that. It's just so hard waiting, ya know? Thanks again for your advice! If anybody else wants to share their advice or thoughts on this subject, please feel free! I appreciate all opinions and advice~! Take care!
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A
female
reader, trinitygrace +, writes (16 January 2007):
trinitygrace is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all who commented on my problem. I appreciate it! I will take your advice but I will also pray before i do anything since I am a devout Christian. I try to make it a habit to go to God before I take and further steps.
Thank you and if anybody else wants to comment on this, feel free!
Take care!
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A
female
reader, trinitygrace +, writes (16 January 2007):
trinitygrace is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all who commented on my problem. I appreciate it! I will take your advice but I will also pray before i do anything since I am a devout Christian. I try to make it a habit to go to God before I take and further steps.
Thank you and if anybody else wants to comment on this, feel free!
Take care!
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (14 January 2007):
This is a tricky one. Most guys feel hesitant at some point about getting married. The question is, is it just a case of nerves, or something deeper? Is he just asking for a bit more time, or is he just not ready, or is he concerned that there is some kind of problem, maybe one that he hasn't faced yet. You need to sit with him and have a strong conversation, about how he feels and what he wants. Before that, you need to know what you want. Think about some of the questions you need answers to, and get him to answer those questions. The fact that you have broken up before seems to indicate that there is something that wasn't dealt with in the past. Maybe that has still not been resolved.
I would say this though. You are allowed to be nervous about getting married, but that should be mixed with happiness, joy, being excited. If he is not, it is either too soon, or he is too immature/not ready, or does not want to marry you. To get to the truth of the matter, you may want to go to a relationship councellor. The truth will come out sooner or later, and it is best to have some good advice and perspective when it does.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (14 January 2007):
 maybe he still isnt ready for the BIG MOMENT if you know what i mean doesnt mean he doesnt love you or doesnt want commitment maybe he just isnt ready for that just yet..youre age gap may have that small difference maybe he isnt at the same stage as you yet on the marriage front(tho age doesnt matter)..give him space and time about it ask him when he would like to get married, yes he said soon but maybe he ment the next year or so not the next month or so.. i know uve got ure hopes let down, but as you said he loves you and says ure the on for him..give him time im sure he will come round to it when the time comes for him to be ready to marry.. dont presure him or it will only make things worse be patient corny saying all good things comes to those who wait lol..
hope this helps hun xxx A
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