A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Shy guys. Please give me the lowdown. For example: How do you respond best to girls? Or how you like to flirt? If you hadn't had a girlfriend before, how would you like a girl to approach you? Is virginity reall such a big deal? Please give me some insight. I like this guy so much and he's shy and inexperienced around girls.
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (21 October 2010):
Well, THIS shy guy has loved two girls in my lifetime. The one that started when I had just turned 18 lasted about 6 months before she broke up; the relationship that happened when I was 22 is still going after 37 years.
Shy guys have often been teased, rejected, or made fun of. In both cases, third-party friends whom I trusted - and who were also friends with girl - convinced me that the girl was truly interested in me; it wasn't a setup to make me the butt of some joke, etc. I don't know if the young ladies themselves could have convinced me of that or not, if they had approached me directly - I would have been more suspicious.
Virginity? At your age, I wanted my life-partner and I to be each others' first sex partner, but didn't think it would actually happen. (At 21, I was sitting in my college graduation as my friends' names were called, and thinking "I'm the ONLY guy here who has never been laid.".) In fact - my wife and I exchanged virginity (she took mine, and I got hers in return) on our wedding night. We were both 23.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 October 2010):
 Lots of questions here. I tend to be rather shy sometimes. It seems like the more I like someone, the more shy I become...
How do you respond best to girls?
Being shy, I typically respond best when the girl takes the initiative. I have trouble approaching someone I find attractive and freeze up. However, if you start talking to me, I have no trouble carrying on a conversation. For a lot of shy guys, we need you to show us you're interested, even if it's just talking to us about little stuff.
How do you like to flirt?
This really depends. Do I know you at all? If I know you, I like to make subtle jokes. Compliment you. Smile a lot. Lots of eye contact. Preferably some touching of "safe" areas (hands, shoulder, etc.). If I don't know you, a smile and possibly some stares where I look away when you notice or if you smile at me, I may get the courage to approach.
How would I like a girl to approach me?
Really I like a girl with confidence. I'd like her to come over and strike up a conversation. If she likes me, it would be great for her to tell me that. It takes the guessing out. Mystery is good, but when dealing with a shy or inexperienced guy, he probably won't know what to make of it. Then he'll come here trying to interpret your behavior. ;-) Your best bet with a shy guy is to clearly show your interest. Don't leave much open for interpretation. That way he will not be questioning the "if" but more the "how." "How do I tell her I like her back" instead of "I wonder if she likes me."
Is virginity really such a big deal?
Ideally, no. It shouldn't be. To a lot of guys it is. Especially guys in your age group. His lack of experience will perpetuate his lack of confidence. He may not think he's good enough, or is afraid he won't know what to do. He also probably is really horny and wants to lose it, so he might make decisions with the wrong head. You should only really deal with this if you get together. However, once you're together, let him know that it doesn't bother you. You'll be happy to guide him. If you can set his mind at ease, he'll relax and you can help shape him into the lover you want, and he's capable of being. Remember to be kind and non-judgemental.
_____________________
Best of luck. With most shy guys you'll have to be the one that makes the move. This isn't a turn off to them though. Without girls who took the initiative, many shy guys would never have a date.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): I am TOTALLY a shy guy and I've never been in any sort of a "normal" relationship so maybe I can help. to answer your first question, we don't respond well to girls at first. we tend to pussyfoot around the subject and only when you express your true interest (that means no joking or side comments, just straight up say that you are interested. for example: "I really like you" or "you turn me on." the second comment might freak them out, but it will get your point across) shy guys tend to like it when girls approach you as a friend at first, that means don't be pushy or too much of a loud mouth. us shy guys tend to like it when they meet other people who seem shy at first. Virginity is a HUGE deal to just about everyone until it happens. I in fact just recently lost my virginity and I made such a big deal out of it I almost lost a dear friend in the process (me and her are good friends again, I just made things weird after the fact).The best advice I can give you is to be yourself, regardless of who you are trying to get with. That goes a long way with anybody. I would suggest to come on slow at first and only when he seems ready to progress should you try to go anywhere with it. Another thing shy guys lack is a since of self confidence. To help them act more confident around you try giving them self-esteem boosters; compliment him on his WoW playing skills for example (that was kind of a joke, but seriously try and make him feel more confident in general) Shy guys don't tend to respond well to anger, shy people in general don't. Try to be more passive and don't be angry toward anything, he will act the same way. chances are that the shy guy in question is a pretty smart fellow who is really introverted, which means that he likes to keep most things to himself. if he starts opening up to you and expressing his opinion on just about any subject it means that he trusts you and you should listen to what he has to say, it can be insightful or it might even give you some conversation starters. try to be his friend before you become his girlfriend because shy guys tend to only open up their true feelings toward people if they know them well and can trust them with secrets that they will tell no one else.I hope this helps-shy guy spokesman
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A
male
reader, suitcase  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 catch his eye in the first place,,,
then try to smile with him
do this for some time that he too won't hesitate to do so
then you take the first move
go and talk to him
he'll respond nicely
sooo
then you try get friendly with him
after that
method from couple to couple
feed me more with the situation
i'll guide you through
and good luck
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