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51-59,
anonymous
writes:So I hear recently from a radio advice guru on love that it is always important to ask your partner WHY he or she loves you. If they can't tell you...then it's a cause for concern.The reason he said that is that often infatuation is mistaken for love. Maybe it's purely physical attraction or power or sex. So it is important to get a reality test and find out why your partner loves you.THe problem is when I ask my partner, she says "I don't know it's just a feeling."Th guy on the radio said it's a bad sign if you can't get the solid reasons. For example, they should ideally tell you it's because of X or Y character trait, like you are honest, sweet, brave, etc.Should we always reasons? Or is ultimately it just about a feeling that can't be defined? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): What kind of selfish thing to say. When you really love someone you know it. I have been dating my great boyfriend for three years and almost everyday like clockwork he tells me I am beautiful and that he loves me with everything he has. And at least three times a month he verbally tells me why. But lately he is using what I call his confessions to get me into the sack. That's okay because we are committed to each other and I kind of think it is sexy. But sadly you cant say the same in your relationship. You have my sympathies. If he doesn't know why he loves you he probably doesn't. Tell him t take a hike and start new.
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 May 2013):
 Ok I was going to answer with this:
Really? So if my husband can’t articulate WHY he LOVES me it’s cause for concern even if I KNOW he loves me and he SHOWS me he loves me?
But I love YouWish so much I have to say that. She’s right. The guy on the radio is trying to make a VALID point but he’s going about it the wrong way. WHY she LOVES you is one thing.. what she LIKES about you and your personality is a totally different issue.
How long have you been with said partner?
DO you think she loves you?
DO NOT base your life decisions on something you hear on a radio by some talk show host. Heck I would not make changes in my life based on something a radio talk show or tv talk show host said.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2013): Sometimes advice 'gurus' are flat out wrong.
I have been in a relationship with my fiance for over 9 years. I could not give you a better reason as to why i love him. For me it is a feeling. It is a feeling of love and certainty. It is blissful, complex, and words cannot do it justice...so, it is a feeling. It is the best, most uplifting feeling that I've ever felt, and could ever hope to feel.
But, it is still just a feeling. Do you understand?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2013): Yes and no. Why we love someone sometimes can't be explained as they're not someone we ever thought we'd be with etc.
I think the question "why do you love me?" is flawed, it's too broad and philosophical, sometimes there's no answer to that.
The important question is "what do you love about me?"
If a person can't list the things they love about you then that's a problem.
5 things I can list at the top of my head for my fiancée. She is viciously sarcastic and that is hilarious to me. She is the most intelligent human I've ever met. She is caring to a fault. She's amazing sexually. And when I need to be alone with my thoughts or have space to be myself I can have that even while she's in the same room. I can even list bad things about her/flaws that I think are awesome.
I think anyone who needs to know "why do you love me?" and sees that as important is just insecure and perhaps wants that person to tell them some magical thing that makes them loveable.
But I think being able to list the things you like about a person, the good things about them and the bad that you like is very important.
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reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (6 May 2013):
 Perhaps that person just has trouble putting their feelings into words and doesn't know how to express the feelings that they have for their partner.
There are a million reasons why I love my boyfriend, but I can't imagine my life without him and I don't ever want to have to face that reality.
I don't think it's a cause for concern, as long as that person can communicate their feelings through shows of affection or making you feel special. As long as you know for a fact that that person loves you without a doubt in your mind. I don't think it's cause for concern if they can't put feeling to words.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2013): I recently fell hopelessly in love with a previous acquaintance that I got together with. Physically I had never been attracted to him, our life situations were completely incompatible and then he ended up walking me home from an evening at a mutal friends house. The more we talked I felt a huge connection with him. The more time we spent together and when things became physical I was lost!! No one could understand what our attraction to each other was. Sadly we separated, - I have children, he is a lot older than me and does not....ect ect.
To this day, I can honestly say I am still in love with him, that if I see him my stomach lurches! It was not lust, it was him I fell in love with in an undefinable way!!
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reader, peanut_gallery +, writes (6 May 2013):
While it is natural that some people may have a hard time clearly expressing something as complex as "love", the "It's just a feeling" explanation is a bit too nebulous.
There is a foundation that revolves around physical attraction, actions, feelings and personality traits. The combination of those make a person feel a certain way which results in "love".
I think part of the reason it is important for her to be able to verbalize it is because then you know that she has it all sorted out and thought through. I'm not a believer in "whims". I find them to be easy come, easy go.
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reader, loony10 +, writes (6 May 2013):
Saw a quote on facebook the other day and thought you would appreciate it for this situation; "What I personally think is that if you love someone because of his eyes, lips or face, it’s not love — it’s lust. If it is because she cries every time you go away, it’s not love it’s pity. If she or he makes you forget to study and sleep, it’s not love it’s infatuation. Love is when you don't know why you seem to be attracted to a person. It has its own reasons."Just because someone doesn't have the ability to write a long, articulate essay on the reasons they love you has very little to do with if they actually do or don't. So you're telling me that everyone that can give a reason to their partner for why they love them is truly in love? I don't think you should worry too much about this. Look at their actions, do you feel loved? Do they make time for you? Do they make you feel special and unique and wanted? Do they hurt your feelings? People communicate in different ways.
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reader, llifton +, writes (6 May 2013):
 keep in mind that sometimes some people aren't as articulate as others, and putting love into definable words and terms can be extremely difficult, since love is often times so strong, words aren't enough to describe how you feel.
also keep in mind that people don't always express their love through verbal spoken words. there are five different love languages. in other words, there are five definable ways in which people show their love. just because she may be unable to explain in words her feelings, does she show them to you in other ways? does she go out of her way to do sweet and thoughtful things for you? does she show you lots of physical affection? does she spend a good deal of quality one on one time with you? does she surprise you with gifts? if you answered yes to one or more of those questions, then she probably just has a different way of expressing her love. check out the five different types of love languages. see if you can't get some good info from that. often times people miscommunicate because they are showing they care in completely different ways.
all in all, try to give her the benefit of the doubt. if she's given you no indication that anything is wrong in the relationship, i wouldn't stress over it too much.
good luck.
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reader, YouWish +, writes (6 May 2013):
 In my opinion, the guy on the radio is a complete moron.
I've often thought that love was a language that sometimes couldn't be put into words. Love isn't like writing a review for a product on Angie's list. Sometimes, love is just...love. Think about it this way -- could you explain the feeling of an orgasm with someone who's never had it?
Some things are just more difficult to put into words. I would be more nervous if someone could give me a laundry list about why they love me.
I guess what I have to ask you is -- how does she show her love to you? What does she do to show that you're special to her? That's a much better indication than mere lip service anyways.
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