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Should people continue to work on the relationship because of a "mistake"???

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 April 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 15 April 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, *aieve1 writes:

Hi everyone,

I just need an opinion on whether or not to continue a relationship with someone who cheated on you. Express your thoughts and everything... should people continue to work on the relationship because of a "mistake" (and he was COMPLETELY conscious of what he was doing, nobody was drunk) or just kick em to the curb?

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A female reader, letsmakeitlast4ever United States +, writes (15 April 2010):

letsmakeitlast4ever agony auntyes, you should try to work it out. if he came to you and admitted what he did, that is. sometimes people make mistakes. if it was JUST ONE TIME, then you can still work it out. but you need to figure out if he really is sorry for it, too. people are people and they make mistakes. obviously, there was something wrong there so ask him what happened that made him feel like cheating was okay. maybe you two aren't paying each other enough attention. maybe someone is taking someone else for granted. but, yes, people can just do it once and reconcile.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (12 April 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntIt depends on how deep is your love for him. If you cannot live without him , you may want to give him another chance.

But if your professed loves is not deep enough , it will be better to kick him to the kerb.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (12 April 2010):

Fatherly Advice agony auntI like the opportunity to express my "thoughts and everything", thanks.

There are two facts (statistics) you should take into consideration. Cheaters cheat, a person who has cheated is more likely to cheat again. A person who has cheated multiple times is even more likely to continue to cheat. The same is true about divorce. Once a person has learned to solve problems by divorcing them, they find it easier to do it again. The other statistic is that you are more likely to be happy 5 years from now if you fix the relationship rather than divorce.

I know that these two facts seem to point in opposite directions. In order for you to "fix" the relationship, you have to make sure the cheating stops. He will have to accept some serious invasion of his privacy. You will need to verify that he is being straight with you.

Now the rest of everything. You age shows as between 18 and 21. People tend to be in relationships with people near their age. If indeed that is the case, then your relationship may be young. In a young relationship there is a lot less to lose when letting it go. In the end only you can decide if the relationship is worth the very real effort it will take to salvage it at this point.

FA

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (12 April 2010):

Because you're still young and this relationship isn't perhaps overly long, and because he was concious of what he was doing and had no reason to do it, I'd say end it. You don't need to settle for anyone who will treat you badly. Ever. You have the time to find someone better. Do just that.

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