A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We were together for 2 years. He was very special to me. He was my first everything. Our breakup happened in very complicated situation , i went through a miscarriage. I thought he was not giving me the support i needed . He thought i was very emotional. He was tired of me fighting with him so he decided to break up i was still attached to him so i begged but he said he doesn’t want any relationship with me as i don’t have any career or i am very impulsive and my life revolves around him ,he said all you want is a relationship it doesn’t matter if its me or anyone.You don’t even know how to live on your own. He said the day you will become independent and will learn to live alone i will find you attractive. He offered to be friends but i refused. After that i took whole responsibility for this relationship failure because this is what i felt on that point of time. I blocked him from every where for my own sake . I started working hard, and i got a job.Life was going find but after 2 months suddenly it hit me that it was not entirely my fault that this relationship failed. Due to the distance and gap i remembered every wrong thing he did. I felt so used and betrayed. I started asking myself questions like how heartless he was that he decided to leave me just 20 days after my miscarriage.Am i not even allowed to be emotional during this time also ? Why my career bothered him only this time..he got a lot of chances to dump me before why he decided to leave me at this point of time ? We didn’t talk during these 20 days because i was very emotional and he couldn’t handle me.So when these types of question started torturing me i decided to mail him. This was my message to him.“I was literally forced to write this to you.. trust me I never wanted to.. so bear with me. Honestly the way I blamed myself for everything in the end was very unfair to me seriously. Who am i kidding.. what was my fault ? I know that if I hold a grudge, I give you the power, and I already let you take so much from me. Looking back, what was even worse than you hurting me was me letting you do it. In the end, you were not a mistake. You were a lesson well learned, and I am so thankful that I learned, even if it took 2 years to get me there. Whether you cheated on me, got frustrated with me, or got bored of me, it doesn’t matter: I’m not defined by you . So thank you for letting me go and forcing me to do something I wasn’t doing when we were together: living for myself. In last 2 weeks I got two offer letters. Next month i ‘ll be moving to your city. I am sure you must be very happy to hear that.. after all you left me because you wanted me to be independent. You are such a NICE person. I think god heard you. GOODBYE.”I felt really good after this message. And again i blocked him again. But from the last two days i am regretting it. I miss him so much.I miss all out memories. I am afraid after this message he will never come back. He was my soulmate. But now he will never choose soon he will be with someone else he will hate me for life because of this last message. I was very rude to him in this. I feel the tone of my last message was very aggressive and full of taunts. I blamed him for everything. I should have taken some responsibility. Now i again want to message him i want to tell him that we both were wrong. I want to take my responsibility too. Should i write him another message or should i let it go. ?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 April 2017):
 No do not contact him again. He left you because he felt your life revolved around him, and you sending him this message is just showing him you are still thinking about him. You are not looking at this break up as permanent you are thinking he will come back to you because you now have a job. You need to accept that the relationship is over. He has left you and he is not coming back. So you need to start getting over him.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 April 2017):
 No , please.
Why do you say that " you are afraid he won't come back ", if you just wrote hin a " goodbye forever " letter ?!
What's the point of writing someone a " Get lost, you mean bastard " letter for writing him back, right after, a
" Just kidding, I love you " one ?
These are just the manipulative, attention seeking tacticts that men despise and, although ,I must say, I get the feeling that your ex IS a bit of cold hearted bastard, a further letter with apologies would just confirm hin in his opinion that you are constantly carried away by your emotions , are emotionally dependent from him, and can't think of anything but romance.
It's over. The sooner you accept that , the better. You can move on now. You SHOULD move on. Who cares who's fault is it and in what percentage ? sure, it takes two to tango, so if things went belly up I doubt it's all one party's responsibility. That's not very relevant. What's relevant is that you were not compatible, you were not happy together ,you were driving each other crazy. I know it is hard to see it this way, but you should feel relieved that it's over, and now you both have the chance to find someone compatible who makes you happy.
You were too needy and emotional for his tastes, he was too distant and anaffective. You just were not meant to be, and do not delude yourself with notions of soulmates. You are grieving after a miscarriage, and .. he does not give a fuck and shows annoyance ?? Wow ! Great soulmate.
Don't try to rewrite history. Like in any relationship, it must have had good moments too, not just bad ones, and naturally you are missing the good ones. Nevertheless, neither of you was happy. He, who got tired of you , to the point of dumping you. And you, who would have stayed in the relationship- but arguing and stressing out and feeling neglected and misunderstood.
It did not work out; end of story. Wrap it up graciously, and file it , as you mention yourself, under the label " lesson learned " .
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (6 April 2017):
 Enough is enough, what is done is done... do not torture yourself and him for the past by writing another letter. He will not hate you for life; he has his own demons, guilt for his behaviour to bear. Be that now or later as Karma dictates.
Let it go, let all things pass and learn that you need not behave this way again, for you are much the wiser for having experienced the pain of his leaving you at a vulnerable time. Never place all you hope in one person who is made of flesh...
Understand that no man is strong enough to endure the lashing tongue of a broken woman's heart in this instance of a miscarriage. He is not weak for being this; he (BF) undoubtedly is inexperienced and unaware of the flood of emotion that women suffers from this lose. Certainly you have taught him a deep and profound lesson?
Take Care - CAA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2017): You got something off your chest. In this case, your emotions seemed to rule your actions. That can be a good thing, and that can be a bad thing. I offer you my most sincere condolences for your loss. I hope you have found some closure, if nothing else.
I advise you to not allow regret to spawn guilt. You've hurt enough, don't create more pain from guilt.
There's enough blame to go around. He laid out some very valid reasons for leaving you, and his timing wasn't the best. Yes, he could have been more supportive and sensitive considering what you went through. However; it's sometimes hard to be supportive and empathetic when you feel you've given people everything you have; but they are too insecure to realize it. You can reach a point you are numb. Enough is enough.
I repeat this phrase quite often. "Insecurity kills relationships!"
You can suck all the positive-energy out of your mate, until they have nothing left to give you. There's something about insecurity that throws relationships off-balance. It's always about accepting and being considerate of the one person's feelings, weaknesses,and insecurities. It's totally lop-sided. One has to be strong enough for two.
It's always about making one person happy, and making all the sacrifices yourself. Then when a tragedy strikes, and the one that gives the most is all tapped-out; the taker selfishly wonders..."where's your support?"
Support doesn't come in an endless supply. It can be used up, or stopped-up. You can feed on a giving-person like a parasite until they decide they no longer wish to be the host. It seems cruel and insensitive; but if you're selfish, you can only see as far as your own needs.
If he was so mean and cruel, why would you want him back?
Well, you've given him a good piece of your mind. He was meant to touch your life only but briefly. He freed you to go out and learn to live on your own, and he was honest enough to tell you why he could no longer offer you his strength. By that time, maybe you had taken more than he could offer you. Your angry message only shows how angry you are; but you should have moved on instead. Let it be. What's done is done.
You shouldn't be living for the purpose of getting him back. You should be living life to your own fulfillment, and pursuing your own happiness for your own sake. We are created to live independently, before we couple. We have to develop our own tools for survival; in order to be useful in a partnership with a good match. They need us, as much as we need them.
Do not live for relationships and being attached. Live to share who you are and what you have; because you are whole, and have much to give.
Offer your true and sincere love to fulfill a need in someone who loves you back; and maintain love with strength, wisdom, and trust. Take turns being supportive of anyone willing to share the same with you.
Sometimes people are sent into our lives only to teach and enlighten us; preparing us for someone yet to come our way.
I believe he has done that, but he needed to move on. Now you must do the same. Fault is irrelevant, he is no longer your boyfriend. You are in each others past, and it didn't workout for whatever reasons. So you move forward, and bury blame with the past.
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A
female
reader, mad stacey  +, writes (5 April 2017):
Please try and move on ... He's not coming back you both did wrong in your relationship and the things he said about you more than likely bothered him all the way through your relationship but be glad he said it as by the sound of it , its made you a better person so please move forward and he was wrong for treating you the way he did when you lost your child he sounds very immature you will find happiness dont keep looking back as mr right will be stood in front of you !!! If your ex wanted you he would be there fighting for you he's not , he's not worth your time !! Take care ,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2017): I feel like maybe your ex did the right thing. It sounds to me like your life was just him and maybe he cares about you too much to let that happen. I think if you miss him, you can message him again. Talk it over, calmly, as adults. Now that you have your life back, maybe you two could work again. Or you could just be friends. There's no reason why any of you have to hold a grudge.
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