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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have been seeing my boyfriend on and off for almost a year. I an not proud but I recently did a search through his phone. I found that he had searched a few girls. I confronted him about this and he admitted they were coworkers he is attracted to. He says that it was when we split up the last time and that he wants to be with me, and I shouldn't worry. I know that this is partly my own insecurity getting the best of me, and I have always struggled with trust issues...but I am really having a hard time with this and wondering if I should be worried? Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): I would personally be pretty upset, and I will admit that I've done the same in the past. I've even been in this situation in my current relationship, but it really hasn't affected us. If he loves you and respects your relationship while you're together, then the glass is half full. It's good that he didn't try to deny it, and as one person already said, you didn't find anything really incriminating. Always keep your eyes open, but don't end the relationship or harp on issues that are in the past if you feel this relationship is worth keeping. Is he good to you, does he stare at/talk to other girls, does he treat you well? If he's a good guy, you probably have nothing to worry about, but you should get it out in the open and express your feelings. If he seems genuinely sorry for trying to contact other girls, I wouldn't think too hard about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2012): If he's sought the attention of other women this time you split up, chances are he has done the other times too, and he may well have had these "Co-workers" numbers since the very first time you split up.
Honestly OP, how can either of you take this relationship seriously or expect each other to? On and off, on and off... You either should be together and stay together, or go your separate ways for good.
Running away from each other when things get tough, really only shows the foundations for your relationship aren't strong enough.
What you really should do in these situations is sit down together and talk through whatever the issue is, and attempt to make it right.
Only you can decide whether or not you have anything to worry about, its you with the trust and insecurity issues.
Maybe if he can prove he hasn't actually done any sexual activity with any of these women, then you 'could' give things one last shot to see if things work out, and if this sort of thing happens again, call it quits.
I think that's what I would do.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 I am sorry that you are insecure, but honestly a relationship will not work long term if there is no trust there. A long term relationship needs complete commitment and trust from both partners.
From the sounds of your post, you never found anything to incriminating. Yes I can understand why you would feel insecure that he searched for other girls, but that is all he done, you never found any flirty messages or proof that he would be unfaithful to you.
I think the best thing to sort this out is to talk to him, tell him that you are insecure and say that all you ask from him is to be open and honest with you so that you can learn to trust him. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, AmyB4321  +, writes (22 October 2012):
Firstly, you quite clearly do not trust him enough if you wanted to search through his phone, with my boyfriend i have never searched through his phone, i never had the inclination to do so, and yes i might be lucky that he's not the type of guy who tends to go around flirting with everybody, but i think you need to consider whether you trust him enough to continue the relationship. Secondly, i really admire you for confronting him, i know it can be awful to find the medium between asking and accussing! so well done for that!!But i just think you should be aware of it, but don't let it get in the way of things. be vigilent, look out to see if he goes off with any girls but don't be paranoid. at the end of the day he told you the truth, that he was talking to girls. and he did nothing wrong, you weren't together and plus majority of boys talk to girls who are friends and girls talks to boys who are friends. I wouldn't worry about it too much, just see how things go!good luck! xx
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