A
male
age
22-25,
*ryintobe
writes:Ok where do I start? We are coming up on our 1 year anniversary. Now my wife was raised by men. Her father guy cousins and older brother. She was always more of a tomboy. I understand all this, but my problem there lies within. Her best friends and almost all of her friends are guys. She has a checkered past too. I try not to be jealous but its hard in my position. I work on the river as a pilot but I work 12 hour shifts and go home. My problem is when I work midnights she wants to go out and "hang out" with her guy friends till late in the morning while I am working. I trust her but still a part of me wonders. Why would she want to do that to me while I am working for us. She doesn't have a job drives a brand new car. She has all the time during the day to do whatever but she chooses to when I am working midnights. We are still a very young couple I 25 and she is 24. What do I do? She I think something or trust my wife's decision making?
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anniversary, best friend, cousin, jealous Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (11 April 2009):
 Personally i don't think it is acceptable for her to be out till 4/5 in the morning drinking how would she react to you if you were doing this?
As the old saying goes treat people like you want to be treated!
Why does she have to be out till that time in the morning is she trying to be one of the lads?
I also think whilst you don't have children she should be out working why should you foot the bill for everything? The reason she is out to 4/5 in the morning is she can plain as, she has no job to get up for, and her day is hers to do as she pleases how wonderful and lucky she is in this economy!
I don't think it is too pushy to tell her to stay home when your working nights, in fact i am at a loss as to why she would even want to go out till that time in the morning?
Talk to her tell her this has to get resolved your not sweeping it under the carpet, my only problem i have with this is how would you know she was out even if she says she wasn't? Your hardly going to call her at 4 in the morning and whilst she is telling you half the time what she is doing she aunt telling you all the time and that would be my concern. She needs to get a job asap!!
She is a married lady and therefore should not be out till 4/5 in the morning with other men boozing sorry i just feel that is out of order and hugely disrespectful to you who is working all the hours you can get to allow her to piss it away!
Time to put your foot down she is getting away with this cause she is allowed too you pay for everything you should have a say on what your money is getting spent on and if that was me and my hubby was going out pissing it down a pan i would be livid.
A
male
reader, eddie  + ♥, writes (11 April 2009):
 I don't know if you're being too pushy but what is the difference? If you don't mind the fact she goes out, why does it bother you when you're at work? Anything she wants to accomplish she can accomplish before 4 or 5 AM even when you're home.
From what you're saying, you trust her when you're home but don't when you're at work. She is either faithful or she's not. Having said that, it is probably considered unusual behaviour for a married woman at any time. One thing to sonsider though is that you've allowed this type of bothersome habit to develop while you're home. I don't know if that was a compromise on your part to avoid conflict either. For whatever reason, she probably feels that if you're OK with it while at home, what difference does it make if you're at work.
It sounds liek this relationship might need some boundaries established.
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A
male
reader, tryintobe +, writes (10 April 2009):
tryintobe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnswers to questions. Ok she doesn't have a job really because I don't know. We have talked about it but she hasn't gotten one in a year. And yes I foot the bill for everything. Umm my work schedule is I work 4 days then 4 nights then I get 4 days off. That being said I have told her several times she can go with her so called "friends" when I am on days or I am off that way I know she is comin home to me. Yet she chooses to when I work midnites and she tells me what she is doing half the time but she still stays out drinkin ntill 4 or 5 in the mornin. The only time we fight is when I work midnites. Am I being to pushy to tell her to stay home when I work midnites.LOST???
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A
male
reader, eddie + ♥, writes (10 April 2009):
I tend to think those are not great situations. It all sounds Ok until something happens. Nothing has happened "yet". It may never actually h appen either but the ground work is being laid for a potential problem. Can you talk to her about this and expain why it bothers you?
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (10 April 2009):
 It sounds like you still have doubts because of her checkered past, not because of her male friends. I too, have more male friends than female friends. For some reasons, I feel more comfortable around male friends than female friends (and nothing sexual ever happened).
So I was just wondering, could it be because she may feel a bit lonely in the evenings when you are working nights? Or are you worried because of the people she hangs out with, who may corrupt her?
As Gina said, the best option at the moment is probably ask her if she would be interested in getting a job, preferably a part time one, so she can still arrange to be at home when you are at home during your day (when you are working midnights). Otherwise, we may hear you complaining that she is never home during the day for you when you are working on your night shift and home during the day ... just kidding lol
Hope your situation will be resolved soon.
Cat
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (10 April 2009):
She needs to get a job and that way she has to be in bed at night to get up for work in the morning that way she cant be going out at night.
Why is she not working?
I am guessing your paying for everything even the new car?
This seems very unfair to me and your right she should not be hanging out with these men at nights getting drunk and being with men is not a good look to be wearing if your married!
I would make it clear your not happy with what she is doing what man would be?
I would also ask her, or even help her to find a job, she has way too much time on her hands and at 24 she should be working.
Talk this over with her because it is not fair to you to be going working nights and having to worry about your wife like this, she should be at home tucked up in bed when your working not out boozing with the lads!
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