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Should I tell my partner about this encounter I had?

Tagged as: Cheating, Faded love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 September 2018) 6 Answers - (Newest, 19 September 2018)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi I’m not proud of what I’m about to write I feel very ashamed I’ve been with my partner for 5 years I went out had a lot to drink and ended up going back to a mans place we had oral but not penetrative sex i think I done it as I’ve been unhappy in our relationship for a while he’s not interested in sex were in separate rooms he doesn’t show any sort of affection towards me or spends anytime with me I do feel guilty about what I done but not as guilty as I should any suggestions as to whether to tell him or not I’m really unsure thank you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2018):

I'm not trying to sound mean but COME ON! This relationship is over and you both should have ended it a while ago. Just break up with him and move on.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (18 September 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntIf you were staying together, he deserves to know, but it's clear you need to break up.

Tell him or don't, but you're not happy and he's not interested, so don't stay.

For what it's worth, being cheated on destroys people, so there's no point telling him if you break up, but he needs to know if you try to stay.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (17 September 2018):

What do you care what your roommate thinks? Don't bother telling him. Not only will he be totally detached and uninterested in you intimately; he'll have something to throw in your face to justify it. Making him jealous will only add just another problem to the list. Aside from him not seeming to care about you.

I guess you have your reasons for staying with him; while still calling him your "boyfriend;" when he seems more like a friend. He pays half the bills and lives there. Should be a smooth transition from boyfriend to roommate. You have to get outta there!

He probably tucked-away his joy-stick, hoping you'd finally cheat; so you'd have a reason to fight and breakup.

I don't know what you're holding-on for? Does he make a lot of money? Does he pay all the bills?

I hope your naughty little escapade will finally give you the nerve to breakup with your roommate...excuse me...boyfriend.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (17 September 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntIt is your choice weather to tell him or not, but either way you need to end the relationship. You are obviously not happy, you are more room mates than lovers and well you choose to go out and get with someone else so you clearly aren't in love with him anymore so I would do the right thing and end the relationship. You only get one life and there is no point wasting it in a unhappy relationship.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (17 September 2018):

Honeypie agony auntWhy are you with a man who is wholly uninterested in you physically?

He treats you like a room mate, not a partner in life.

HOWEVER, that doesn't excuse what you did. The whole, well I don't get "it" at home so I cheated with a stranger, it's a piss poor excuse. Don't put YOUR choice, YOUR action on your BF.

Because you have ALSO chosen to STAY with a guy who doesn't want to have sex with you, doesn't show you affection and doesn't want to spend time with you. YOUR choice.

I think you should tell him what happend, and don't down play anything or make it "his" fault. He didn't MAKE you cheat.

If you telling him ENDS the relationship, maybe it's for the better? It doesn't seem like you have anything worth while with your BF as it is. Sounds like your relationship is dead, and has been for a long time.

OR... You can break up with your BF and NOT tell him.

But pretending you didn't cheat? Not OK.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (17 September 2018):

janniepeg agony auntWhether you tell him or not, you should end the relationship quickly. After you've had that encounter, there is no turning back. Telling a man you cheated can ruin his life forever. For him, it happened not because he hadn't shown you affections and you had been unhappy for a while. It would be because you were a slut. You were insensitive and unsupportive in his down times. Maybe it's you who turned him off. His memory of you would be tarnished forever. Instead of thinking of good things in the relationship as memories, all he would recall in the future was that you were a slut. So, for that reason, I won't tell him. I would just end it. Maybe he's waiting for you to do it.

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