A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello! I been married for 7 years!! We also have the same friends... Last weekend we went to a party with our friends, after the party we got home and went to sleep. About 1am I had a text msg from my husbands friend and it said "I need to talk to u" since he is getting a divorce I thought he wanted to talk about it. So I called him and for my surprise he told he was in love with me. I was shocked because I loved him and his ex wife very mutch! And he has been my husbands friend since they wer kids! I asked him, are u drunk? He said no I have been in love with u since I met u! I really don't knw what to do! If I tell my husband its going to break his heart plus he is going to be my sons godfather ths july!!! Should I tell my husband?
View related questions:
divorce, drunk, ex-wife, his ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): This means that your hb is processing everything....that he is looking for 'clues', he is trying to fathom how to approach this....completely normal.
Plse remember your hb had to ask you the question so that he could ease his mind.
Let him deal with this situation, whatever the outcome.
LoveGirl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone! I did ask him if he meant it and he said yes. That same moment I sat my husband and told him! He just stayed quiet... After he asked me if I "provoked him". I really did not like that question!!!!! I really don't knw wat he is going to do!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): The question you need to ask yourself honestly is why *wouldn't* you want to tell him. The answer may be that you have feelings for his friend too and you want to hide those feelings.There are lots of good reasons to tell your husband, but the best one is to nip in the bud any affair that might develop between you and your husband's friend. It might be hard to admit that you like this guy now, but it will *really* be hard when you have to admit to an affair after you've gone through all the agony that entails!My advice: don't wait a second. Stop thinking about it. And tell your husband right now. You have a minor, minor problem compared to what will develop if you start keeping this secret. (p.s. your husband won't be mad at you. He'll be mad at his friend for a little while, and have to tell him to keep his distance, but chances are he will be a little flattered to see everyone thinks his wife is as great as he thinks you are.)
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (30 March 2011):
I would try to handle things on my own before telling hubby. Meet up with the guy in a public place and ask him why he told you about his feelings. Maybe he was just in a dark place and blurted it out without thinking (which could very well be true) or he said it in hopes of having his feelings reciprocated. If the first is the case, the situation is salvageable.You just tell him you feel sad that he has these feelings because you know he also loves his best friend and would not do anything to hurt him (add to the guilt!) Tell him that you are very much in love with your hubby and that you consider him as a friend and that it will NEVER be more than that. Tell him that your husband doesn't need to know about his slip up if he can promise he would never do anything to betray his trust. If the second is the case, you are dealing with someone who doesn't mind putting his own wants ahead at the cost of someone's else's (not just someone, his BEST friend) happiness. In that case, you need to tell your husband.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): your hb needs to be toldif this man is going to be part of your life, your hb and your baby's then i suggest you sit your hb down and tell him what transpired.your baby's Godfather vs your husband. you choose who you are going to protect. either your hb or this other man who can/will become a threat in your home.LoveGirl
...............................
A
female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (30 March 2011):
Have you spoken to him since then? If it was 1am in the morning then he could well of been drunk even if he denied it. If you haven't then ring/text him during the day and ask him if he meant it. If he didn't, write it off as drunken mistake and don't tell your husband as it's not worth it (and ignore the rest of this advice).
If he did mean what he said, then yes I would tell your husband.
Telling him would probably put some distance between you and this friend. I'm not saying you would do anything but sometimes feelings can develop unexpectedly, you only need to read a few posts on here to find that out.
Also this friend, whatever his reasons (e.g a rebound) has shown he is willing to put your marriage at risk and split you & your husband up for his own selfish feelings. Is this the sort of person you want as a godfather to your son?
It's even possible your husband will find out one day, which will make him suspicious as to why you didn't tell him sooner.
I know it will hurt you husband to hear it but in the long run it's better he knows now. After all this man actions have shown he's not really much of a friend.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): Of course your husband should know! Why would it break his heart?You haven't done anything wrong.How are you planning to deal with this friend now? I think you shouldn't try to get involved in this alone, or in no time you would be held responsible for the breakdown of his your friends' marriage. This surprise has sprung out of the blue; tell your husband and see what he says.
...............................
A
male
reader, Leodjoneluv +, writes (30 March 2011):
 NO! do not tell him. This can cause many problems between every one. Let the friend know that you love your husband and ask him not ever cross that line again. Send a text to have proof in case something pops off.
...............................
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (30 March 2011):
I think it is important that your husband knows. I think it is also important that you don't keep secrets from your husband. What happens when this friend decides to clear his conscience and tell your husband, and then your husband comes to you and asks why you kept this conversation and information from him? Keeping secrets can create more problems than they intend.
However, it is best for your friend to have this conversation with your husband personally. They are his feelings, it is best he express himself personally rather than through a third party such as yourself, especially as they are close friends.
I would say its best to send an email to your husbands friend telling him that you need to tell your husband because you can't keep something like that a secret, but that it is best for it to come directly from him, for him to have a conversation with your husband. Tell him that you are giving him the opportunity to tell him, within a certain time frame such as a week or two, but that if he hasn't had the conversation in that time you are going to tell your husband about it. Email is good because you can have a copy of it, so that if anything goes wrong, you can show your husband your clear intentions.
You are also concerned for what will happen to the relationship between your husband and his friend. This issue does not have to be the end for them, for the 3 of you. Getting these feelings of love out in the open will shift them, help those feelings move from being a fantasy in his head to a reality, and help him process them. He might find that he needs to not see you for a time, but it can also help to shift his love from you from romantic love to platonic love over time. That all depends on how the 3 of you handle it over time.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aliceinunderland +, writes (30 March 2011):
 My advice would be no, what if your husband thought you loved him back? Imagine if he fell out with his friend because of this.
Don't tell him. But be careful with his friend, a divorce is an upsetting time, he'll be emotional and a little insecure. Try your best not to get alone with him, and any advances he might make, be sure to tell him that your feelings are NOT mutual.
Hope this helps x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): Yes, absolutely tell him as good communication in a relationship is a must. He needs to know so the man's behavior and possible intent are made aware. Your husband will pick up on his feelinsg sooner or later sinc ehe is very close to your family. This guy needs to find a way to manage his emotion. Keep in mind he is going thru a divorce so chances are his head isnt clear and he's stressed out. I know I would be. Hope this helps. Best on this.
...............................
|
