A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im in a same sex, long distance relationship. my girlfriend and i have been together for 1year but only get to see each other every other weekend.my problem is that we have very different sex drives! i have a low sex drive and consider sex once or twice during our time together to be more than enough. but my girlfriend would have it 5 times a day if she could! i just cant keep up with her because sex just is not something thats important to me. i know its important to her but i just cant get in the mood for it.when she initiates sex but im not in the mood she feels rejected, unloved, unsexy. but thats just not the case. i love her more than life itself and im just as attracted to her now as the day i met her. i tell her that but she just sulks! she says we only get to see each other twice a month so why would i not want to have sex with her! truth is, i do have sex with her just not as often as she would like. weve talked about it a lot and i said i will try and initiate sex more but she says theres no point because it will feel insincere. i dont know what to do. i love having sex with her but i just have a low sex drive. im quite happy to just kiss and cuddle. we are blaming each other and neither of us know what to do to solve it. weve tried talking, its got us nowhere.what can we do??? any helpful ideas would be really appreciated!xx
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 In all that talking has any sort of compromise been reached or discussed?
It's very good that you two communicate about it. That's a very good step, and shows you're both interested in making this work.
Is there anything you could do to indulge her a little? Like maybe she masturbates while you kiss her.
Highly differing sex drives can be quite difficult to overcome. It takes effort on both ends to reach a compromise, and an understanding that you not wanting sex doesn't mean you don't want her. That's something that's difficult for many people to grasp emotionally. As you said, she hasn't been able to yet, but is she at least trying?
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