A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I am married two years to my childhood sweetheart, and I love him dearly. Lately we have been put to test with stress, family issues, his mentally ill mother and trying for a baby. Its all been very stressful and was starting to take its toll on me. So my well meaning friends organised a night out for me, so I could have drinks and let off some steam. I took it waaay too far and got really drunk. My friend bumped into a friend of her husbands in the club, and he had a friend with him. I got talking to him, and he was very sweet to me. I wasnt exactly hating the attention I was getting, so even though I wasnt attracted to him, i let him carry on flirting with me heavily, complimenting me etc. I know that was wrong. He then leaned in for a kiss. I pushed him off,and slurred that i was married. He seemed mortified. I feel terrible. I know nothing came of it but I am ashamed that I lead another man on. I have decided that,, obviously drinking is a terrible idea when dealing with stress as it leads to more. I feel like I have been unfaithful and that i should tell my husband. I asked my friends what they think I should do, but they were so drunk they cannot remember this happening. Do you guys think i should tell him, or just write this off and never do it again?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (15 January 2015):
 I agree with the others. What you had was a learning moment. If you had kissed the guy, I'd be on the "tell him" wagon, but you didn't kiss him, so where is the transgression? Did you have your hands all over him and vice versa?? If not, then don't say anything.
I don't know of any long-time married couple who hasn't had either the temptation or the opportunity to cheat. Even people in great marriages can get tempted to taste forbidden fruit, and that doesn't mean that there's something wrong with the marriage. If you INDULGE in the forbidden and illicit, then there's definitely something wrong with it.
When you sobered up, it sounds like you sobered WAY up, and your married life and it's destruction flashed before your eyes and you decided "never again" to do anything that would lead you that close to the fire again.
Yes, you also did wrong by leading the guy on, but it's a night club -- I'm guessing he took another woman home with him by the end of the night or at least the weekend, so don't sweat it.
I've had both the opportunity and the temptation before and chose not to go there. I don't deserve a medal for fulfilling my marriage vows, and I know my husband has also had both. One time, he didn't say anything to me, but later at a Christmas party for his job, we were all talking and a co-worker of his was laughing and said "You should have seen **my husband's name** take off towards the light rail when we all decided to hit the strip club last happy hour! You must have him on a very short leash!" My husband didn't tell me anything, but I was damn proud of him...and boy did I let him know it! I was not mad that he didn't tell me...however, I would have been pissed if I'd heard he had gone and gotten lap dances and grindage and I didn't know about THAT.
You don't tell a spouse you almost cheated unless there's an underlying situation and you're not happy in your marriage. You are still a newlywed 2 years in. What you SHOULD tell your husband is that the stress of things is really getting to you, and then the BOTH of you should go to the club or hit the town or go on a date or book a getaway at a bed and breakfast so you don't burn out.
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (14 January 2015):
 You did something silly, but you stopped short of doing something really stupid, so I don't think you need to mention this to your husband.
Learn from this mistake by moderating your drinking when you go out with friends.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (14 January 2015):
Not unless you plan to add more stress to an already stressful marriage. Even though you were drunk, you loved your husband enough to push the guy away...that says alot.
What this shows is that both you and your husband needs to hit the reset button on your life. Take some time for both of you and de-stress. Get back to why you got married in the first place. I don't think you both got married just so you can drive each other apart.
All marriages are tested...They have to be tested...why? You made a vow, and that vow will be tested to see if you meant what you said.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2015): just write this off and never do it again. At the same time no need to feel guilty. When someone is drunk they can not be true to themselves. So drink to enjoy time with friends. If that is not the purpose better quit drinking. The best suggestion I can give is when ever you drink, drink along with your sweetheart. Wish you happy movements.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2015): If the shoe was on the other foot, would you want to know if your partner almost cheated? I personally wouldn't want to know!
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