A
male
age
41-50,
*hameless
writes:My ex and I broke up for about a year now, we broke up because she cheated, so I move on with my life. I have found recently she has been lying about me, like she did about her ex husband... she keeps telling to people I am a violent person, she is scared of me etc. It's happened her ex husband found out she was cheating with her ex, he dumped her, and now her ex husband is a mad man that can kill her at anytime. I am aware of domestic violence, when she told me about that, I told her if I were her, I would go to the police. She never did. Now she is doing the same thing to me. she accused me of misusing her money, which is a big lie, because we have a 20, 000 dollars gap in salary. I earn more money than her. Should I take her to court for slander. in two times, the shot on her house, if anything happened, I bet the cops would look for me. I have never yelled at her, any argument? I walked away. I have proof she is a massive serial cheater and a pthologic liar. Should I go back to these people and prove them I am not the bad one? It's killing me to know I have a bad name out there. and unfortunately I have a daughter with that lady. Please help!!!!
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (23 October 2011):
 hiI think you would have to check with a bona fide psychologist on that one.But i will say that the children will have already seen through her, and will possibly grow up to hate her.However if you can afford a Private Investigator? and you had a Private Investigator document how much time she spends socialising away from homewhen your claims to be home with your child. But don't blow the budget on legal fees, and keep your lawyer aware of your issues re the exBest wishes.Abellq
A
male
reader, shameless +, writes (23 October 2011):
shameless is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yes indeed, I believe that is her objective, keep me away from my child. She is very manipulative, she knows there's a lot of violence against women and she knows the law is there. She has used the same treatment to her ex husband, they have an eight years old daughter together, the last time she saw her she was 4 years old. She used to tell me the guy could kill her. Now I understand her game, everytime, she cheats and is caught the victim is a violent person. Now, what would be the effect on the two children of her bringing different men as "dad" in the house and the "dads" disappeared. can someone tell me the psychological effect on them?
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (23 October 2011):
Your ex may well be doing all these things out of spite to deny you access to your child. Get thee to a lawyer. Negotiate the fees before you start. Set limits on the cost. And ask if you can do part of the job yourself as you are not made of money. Work Collaboratively with the lawyer so that you do not get fleeced there too. Perhaps find a lawyer who is reasonable, capable of the job and will allow you to do some of the tasks he might use his staff for.
Protect yourself. Document as much as possible. Document what you pay. Never give the ex cash. It all has to be accounted for. Your ex sounds like hard work.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (23 October 2011):
Reputation is everything. And any malicious hinting by her to smear your reputation is bad news indeed.
Consult a private investigator who may be able to do some discreet investigation on your behalf. And work in conjunction with a lawyer who is sympathetic and confident that some remedies are possible - and is willing to work with your private investigator.
Make sure you are squeaky clean too. No behaviors of yours that could be used to point the blame at you. Get your own house in order before you take the next step up, if your lawyer feels action is warranted and likely to be successful.
Once you have some direct evidence of her spreading lies and besmirching your good name and repuation you can consider:
1. A firm letter from the lawyer asking her to cease and desist forthwith with consequences for failure to do so
2. Apply to the Court for restraining order detailing the actions and seeking remedies.
You must have documented examples, verifiable, where the inviduals have caused you harm or you believe they post a identified threat to you, your health, safety, reputation etc
3. It may be that your ex has an undiagnosed mental illness and a judge
may order a medical evaluation of your wife.
However if your wife is sane, but just plain nasty and malicious, then yes, the information you collect on the things your wife has been alleging directly from the people she has directly told these lies to will help.
This is where a private investigator comes in handy. It may not just be you and her previous ex who have suffered her malicious tongue. The more the merrier to support you case. Others may be more than happy to relate her 'ways' and how she hurt them..
It will demonstrate the pattern of abusive malicious behavior by your ex.
Some of the remedies to ask for include
1. Request that she pay for and she provide a statement to be prominently placed on page two or three of the biggest selling daily newspaper in which she admits she lied about you and restores your name as an honorable good man. It may even include a statement that she was ill at the time and therefore her remarks about you were said when she was not well and are not valid descriptions of you.
2. A medical evaluation may mean that the Judge follows the Doctor's recommendation that she needs to obtain therapy.
3. Assuming that she is not mentally ill, then a Warning to her that breaching a restraining order allows a Judge to have
her put in gaol.
4. And if she is in need of mental health treatment that she could be detained in a mental health facility for treatment fir her own safety.
5. as a side benefit - the more she mucks up after the restraining order is granted and the apology is published the more her name will become mud in the
community.
She may even get the therapy she needs. This could have consequences for her in respect to access to her child if she poses a threat to her child if she continues to refuse medical treatment a Doctor has identified that she may need.
Live proudly and do not hide from society. This malicious sick woman can more easily besmirch you if you hide away, broken.
Get involved in good community groups, volunteer in good community projects.
Allow others to see what a good honorable reasonable man you are.
Maintain your friendships with your friends.
Develop good bonds with others participating in your sporting a recreational activities.
The more people you associate with and the more they enjoy first hand conract with you the more they will come to see you and learn to like and respect you. Chip away, little by little, to show (by your actions) to the world that you are the honorable one.
Who knows? Others may come forward and say, 'she did that to me too' . If this happens then that will further validate your position as the honorable maligned one.
Good Luck with what must be a wholly disagreeable unacceptable situation.
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A
male
reader, shameless +, writes (23 October 2011):
shameless is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have a friend in common, that revealed me all she has been saying. How would I be violent and at the same time take a life insurance and put me as the beneficiary? I have to tell her, since I am the violent one, remove my name from the policy. Her sister in law,and certain of her friends can be call to testify. My only problem is: MY DAUGHTER. I take good care of her, spending over 2000 bucks on her monthly for day care foods and outing, but her mom is trying to put me behind bars with her lies.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 October 2011):
 Suing for slander is very tricky. You have to prove that what's being said isn't true, you have to prove that she is slandering you, and you have to prove damage to your reputation and possible monetary damage (i.e. you were passed over for a job, or fired, or something like that).
You need a lawyer and multiple witnesses willing to testify under oath of the slander. These are people that heard from her directly. It cannot be a "I heard from a friend who heard her", but rather "She told me you were violenty".
If you can prove beyond a reasonable doubt that she is lying and you have many credible witnesses, then you might have a case. I'm not a lawyer, so you will need to speak to one.
You can stand up for your reputation, but you must have the strength to prove it well beyond a "your word against mine" argument as well as having enough money to pay a lawyer and a desire to associate with her for a while longer.
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