A
male
age
30-35,
*resu
writes:okay, i have a problem and i would like some help if you guys have the time to give me some advice, is not the first time that i bring this question here, but i feel that the last time i didn't express myself correctly and only confused the readers, basically i didn't know to to put it in words, and i think i finally made it easier to understand i hope.im a virgin male by choice, and from a very early age i made up my mind that i would want to have my first time with someone who is also having their first time, and of course someone who i had a very strong connection and chemistry, and who i could fall in love, so that became one of my life long goals, and something very important and personal to me, basically something that i would defend not matter how hard it got, and i would not fall back, because i would would wait for that special someone and i would not accept anything less that what i was looking for.and now years latter im having trouble with that, not because im regretting or i tough that that's not what i wanted, because it was, and still is, the problem is that i think i waited too long, because im already 19, and im entering a phase in my life where the virgin requirement is going to start to be very hard to come by, maybe not the others, but this one surely is, and i wont back down now, not after how far i have come. the reason i didn't start earlier was because i wanted to be more mature, to be able to take relationships more seriously and not just stupid teenager flings.but by the time i was 17 everything dawned on my one day, that when i would actually start dating it would be very hard to find a virgin like myself, but there was no helping it, i still didn't feel ready, heck im still don't feel ready quite yet, im almost there, i think i will give myself one more year before i start dating, but still that only makes my odds worse, but i don't want to back down now, i waited so long for this, if in the future i don't follow trough then all this was for nothing, and would only be one of my major disappointments and regrets in my life, ever.i don't want to sacrifice that lifelong standard of mine, even if some of you think it would make me happier, but the thing is that im pretty sure if i have to drop it, it would hurt me forever, and is not like i want to do it, that is what i believe and works for me and my morals, and im prod of having held off until now.my plan is to just date someone for a while and then when there is more familiarity then i would try to find out if they have held off too, and if we didn't match in that regard, then i would simply end the relationship. before anyone start flaming me i want to make clear that i don't devalue women if they have had sexual relationships before, i respect them just the same, and if i had already lost my virginity, then i wouldn't mind having a relationship with them, but the circumstances wouldn't favor it, at least for me, and yea i have passed on relationships for this, and they were great interesting girls.i don't expect you to understand, so far very few people have understood me, and almost everyone else has ridiculed me for this, when i just don't see what the problem is, for me it seems fair, and i respect non virgins too, so im being respectful of other while i keep holding to my beliefs and morals, so i just don't know why people are so quick to flame me.one thing that a lot of people tell me is that the past is the past and should not matter now, but for me it does matter, it shows what kind of judgement that person have, and the things we did define our future, and people are always saying to mature and grow up, and i consider accepting the consequences of the things you did as something mature to do, and i think that anyone can make a deal breaker of anything they want, no one can force you to be putting up with things you don't like, and in my case it would be the virgin factor and that one cannot be fixed.and other thing i get a lot is that people say that is her business, and i agree, what she does is her business, and if i want to make this a deal breaker is my business too, and when people get in a serious relationship both parties need to be considerate of the things that the other person may have a problem with.another thing i want to make clear is that im obviously looking for love too, people always are quick in saying that im forgetting about love, and i don't know why they think i do it, is obvious that im looking for love too, isn't everyone?. if i was talking about wanting a girl with certain personality or something like that people already know in looking for love too, so i don't know why the virgin standard makes them think i don't.so if you guys could give me suggestions in ways to approach this more effectively, and maybe make this search easier for me, i would thank you very very much, i would like to know how to make it easier myself, because i have no idea, and is hard knowing that i will have a hard time finding that kind of girl, or if you just want to comment about something and give insight that would be good too.oh, and another thing i want to say it that im not religious, i don't do this for any kind of spiritualism, i do this for myself.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, aresu +, writes (6 November 2011):
aresu is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks everyone for your support and your opinions, it really is hard to find a girl like that, and people often like to make me feel bad for it, because they don't understand it, so is nice to see people that are cool with it.One thing that all of you have suggested is online dating, well I'm not so sure about that, I know is a useful tool to make this easier, but for some reason I don't have a good opinion of online dating, I don't know why exactly but I feel that to be desperate, maybe I'm wrong to feel like that, and logic tells me that is only a tool to help me, but for some reason I'm not fond of that.And yea, I know I will have a very hard time, and there is no easy way around this, and I will probably have to date irks for a while befor asking them if they are virgins too, that will lead to a lot of heart breaks and to waste both of our time, but I don't see any other way.
A
female
reader, Andy's Smile  +, writes (1 November 2011):
Actually, I understand everything you're saying. I have the same beliefs as you, and I'm not religious either. My advice: keep waiting, it'll happen. And try out a dating site like OkCupid. You can find out pretty easily whether or not someone is a virgin by their q@a, so that's at least one issue that you don't have to ask them about upfront. Talk to people you find interesting and see if you click with anyone. It may take a long time, it does for a lot of people, but it's worth it to find the right person.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (23 October 2011):
 There are two ways for you to approach this that I can see.
First is to screen your dates. When dating ask girls what their thoughts are about sex before marriage and then you will find out if they are a virgin or not.
Second is to join a church. A lot of church's believe in no sex before marriage and therefore you will find a lot of people with the same sort of views. It doesn't mean you have to be religious. A lot of people who attend church do so for the peace and serenity and positive messages rather than the religious aspect.
I think you need to realise here that it's going to take time to find your perfect match (as it does for all of us) so ease of and spend time meeting and getting to know people before trying to find a marriage partner.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (23 October 2011):
 There is no easy way to do this. Your best bet is online or perhaps christian dating sites. Problem is you're seriously limiting how many girls you can date from and on top of that you have to find someone whom you have a deep connection with from that reduced number. Its not impossible, but its certainly not going to be easy.
My suggestion... just get out there, there's no easy way to do this so start searching... now!
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