A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My 11 year-old son seems sad these days. Last night he was crying at a family party even though he had some friends over too. When I asked him what was wrong, he replied that he hated school. This strikes me as odd for a Saturday night near the end of the school year! Also, he is a fairly good student.Do you think we should take him to a child psychologist?Thanks! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, wantspaintogoaway +, writes (12 June 2011):
 I think it is a good idea. I used to do things very similar to that, and i was diagnosed with cronic depression
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): As a victim of bullying all through fifth grade, i say talk to him. If he won't talk and you feel like somethings wrong, take him to a child therapist. They are trained to get children to talk by using games and other fun stuff. My mom was able to talk to me mostly because i got scared at this kne point. I was supposed to go over this sleepover with the ringleader of my bullying and my best friend. My best friend kept pushing it back (in retrospect i think she was trying to protect me. The girl who bullied me had suggested the sleepover as a way to torture me.) I got very scared and finally broke down to my mom. She had tried to get me to talk before, which hadn't worked. We got my bullying issues worked out and things got better. From my understanding, i was about to be sent to therapy. Bullying is a horrible, mean thing. I wanted it to stop so badly that i started to bully others. Its something i regret to this day.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 June 2011):
 sometimes it's an indication that there may be issues with bullying at the school where some one or a group is targeting him. If he does well at his school work it may be that one child or a group of children are unfairly targeting him. Occasionally it could be a teacher even who is unsettling the child.
Your son may feel he should be able to/solve it himself or better stand up to himself.
Has he had his eyes tested? He is at an age where short sightedness can start to manifest and he may be having trouble reading what is on the blackboard?
Is he poor at sport? That can lead to teasing by others.
Gently try to draw him out. But try to stay calm as if you react too strongly then he may close up.
Going to a good psychologist who specialises in adolescent issues is not a bad thing. If you have a plumbing problem you call a plumber. If you have electrical issues at home you call an electrician. A psychologist is just another specialist called in to help uncover issues that can benefit from the expertise of a psychologist.
If your son is depressed he may need some medical assistance to deal with the underlying problem he is facing at school.
Children at school can be very cruel. If there is the tiniest 'point of difference' about a child then the bullies will target the child. Be it if the child is shorter, taller, bigger, smarter, better looking. Anything. If a blind eye (by teachers) is turned to the bullying then bullying can continue to happen.
Smart schools have a 'no tolerance' policy towards bullying.
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A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (12 June 2011):
 This sounds very much like a possible case of bullying. With all the stuff going on, on the internet and such with this, I would not leave any stone unturned. If he is online, check what he is up to, who he is talking to. Ask him flat out if there are people being cruel to him.
And don't hesitate to find a good counselor if you don't get anywhere quickly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): It sounds to me like maybe he's being bullied OP. Perhaps even by one of those "friends". Or maybe he's failed an important test or something.
OP child psychologists should be the last thing you should consider, they really are only for very serious situations that you can't handle, in other words that's not a lot, only really serious mental/emotional damage for abuse or long term self destructive behavioural issues. You're his father just talk to him, get him to open up. If he finds that hard or is naturally a bit closed off then you have the bring him out of that yourself, or get his mother, grandmother or other trusted family adult talk to him if he feels more able to open up with them.
Resolve this yourself OP and don't panic, 11 year olds tend to be sensitive creatures and will cry sometimes about some things, they'll cry at the drop of a hat if they're tired and something upsets them. It's better not to over react or blow it out of proportion by sending him to a shrink when a simple sit down and chat should suffice.
OP he'll be a teenager in a couple of years if you think this is bad wait until you see the drama that unfolds then. It really is best if you deal with this yourself and have a relationship with him as such that he is not afraid to tell you what is going on in his life. If you pawn him off to a shrink for shedding a few tears on a Saturday night then you're going to have to fork out a hell of a lot of money in the future as he faces the normal challenges of life. It kind of sets a bad precedent OP especially if this is something menial like failing a test. He'll feel even less able to open up and may even bottle things up in the future in the worry that if he does open up you'll send him to a shrink again over minor things without actually getting to bottom of things. Psychs are for long term mental help, they shouldn't be considered as a replacement for good old fashioned parenting, this may just be a case of him being tired and one of his friends saying something stupid to him and him over reacting, reminding him of something embarrassing that happened in school or telling him something someone said about him.
Get him to tell you what's up and show him that he can always turn to you for help. Sending him to a shrink is pretty much the opposite of that. Sending him to a shrink for shedding a few tears when you haven't yet discovered the nature of the issue is overkill.
Hopefully it's nothing major and a simple piece of advice and a hug from his father will resolve it. If it's a little more serious, again you'll be able to resolve it, things such as bullying you'll be able to resolve yourself. Only really consider a shrink if this is behaviour that keeps cropping up, if he just will not open up to you and he starts crying all the time about menial things.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (12 June 2011):
 Same advice: try talking to him first. His in that age when his not a boy, but not an adult either. Try to approach him when he's more calm. Best thing is to, together with your son, find out the reason why he's so sad and stress about school?Could be:1)Peer pressure?2)Some kids harassing him?3)Grades?I am very happy that you're a concerning, caring parent. Could be a serious issue? Or something silly, but no matter what, what's important is that is bothering your son and making him unhappy. Solving the little issues in such a young age, having the parents support and understanding will help him tremendously in the future, as a strong, confident young man. Good luck to you and your son! Hope he feels better soon!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 June 2011):
I think before you do that, you might be better trying to speak to him about it yourself. He might be wanting to open up about it, and like most men/boys probably finds it hard. Try sitting down with him and just talking to him about it, ask why he feels that way about school.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 It can't hurt.
But first , try to get him to open up with you, with tact and patience . If he is so anxious about school, and there are no major stress factors in his life ( parents' divorce, relocation, a new sibling,etc. ) maybe something is going on at school that you don't know about. He might be bullied or picked on by classmates, for instance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): To me it sounds like he could be getting bullied if he is fairly good at school ..some of the other kids could be jealous at how he does at school ..sit down and talk to him to make sure he is okay ..and if this doesnt work then maybe yes you could bring him to a psychologist
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