A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've started a friendship with this girl whom I've became very close with, we've known each other for about 6 months. So long story short, she started hitting on me and I'm very bad at taking hints that I didn't take the opportunity. I believe after she realized that I didn't react to any of her flirting, she started seeing a close friend. While in that time I started developing deep feelings for her.. But I was too late. I told her that I liked her and never replied, just continued being friends as nothing ever happened, so I brought it up a month later and her response was "I like you as a best friend, but not in a romantic interest" it hurt when I found out. She told me she doesn't like anyone at the moment and just wants to be single.. Two days later we plan to hang out with a couple of friends. I handled the situation pretty well, acted like nothing ever happened and just treat her as a friend. What happened was when we were all walking, she was behind me with a new friend that we started hanging out with.. I guess they kept it a secret because i guess they thought I wasn't looking and I saw them kiss. After that, I tried and keep all the feelings in, I made it through the night.. But I finally realized I can't be her friend anymore it's too much for me to handle, it's causing negativity and restless nights for me.Had anyone been in a similar situation and what have you done and how did it play out? I only have two options, keep my distance and barely talk to her or I keep faking it and be her friend but that seems like more of a challenge.. Plus I don't ever believe she will see me more than a friend ever again, so why continue.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2013): You weren't interested in her when she was interested in you, then so you started liking her when she was no longer interested. Just back away from this girl, you don't actually like her .
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 December 2013):
 Just read what you and Tisha talked about.... OP, she hit on you (legs around your waist, a kiss, dressing up the girl tried) and you ignored it. OUCH for her
so did you ask her out BEFORE or after she got this new "boyfriend" because her response of "sure why not" would mean different things at different times... if you asked AFTER she threw her self at you, then she's just trying to be cool and make you feel as rejected as you made her feel.
I would not EVER "surprise" kiss someone after they "friend-zoned" me.
As for the whole "I want to date her but she does not want to date me" issue. If you do not believe you will ever be more than friends, I think it's in YOUR best interest to just walk away.
the problem with this is it MAY come across as "game playing" or manipulation IF when you end the friendship she chases you and wants YOU... then the one who is game playing is HER.... it's human nature to want what you can't have.
if you walk away from her 100% and she chases you... and you go back to her, I fear once you give her 100% of your true feelings, she will back away and you will get hurt...
tread carefully here.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 December 2013):
 She doesn't sound very appealing, maybe it's a good thing that she's not your girlfriend. It's possible there's another girl who is interested in you and is waiting for you to notice her!
Good luck with figuring this rather rude girl out. If I were you, I'd be keeping an eye out for a more appealing prospect, who isn't quite so dismissive! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWere both 21
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI admit I don't have that much dating experience. And yes I did ask her out on a date and her reply wasn't all comforting she said "yea sure why not".
That is my plan and I might get rejected and it's worth a shot. Honestly, if I lose her as a friend I wouldn't mind. There's too much damage done.
Thank you for your advice.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 December 2013):
How old is this woman, by the way? And how old are you?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 December 2013):
So, let's review your plan.
You are going to ignore her.
She has told you she sees you as a friend only.
She's given you a present as a friend.
So you think that you will impress her by giving her a kiss? After she has told you that she sees you as a friend and wants to stay single?
You don't have a whole lot of dating experience, do you?
Did you ever actually ask her out on a date?
I don't think she will magically begin to like you as a date if you surprise kiss her after having ignored her for a while. That sounds more like another chance for her to reject you.
But I guess you could try and let us know how it goes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm planning to ignore her until she begins missing me and the moment I see her, I'll just surprise kiss her.
And yea Idk what was going through my mind in that point. I thought that's what best friends do.. Yea I was very oblivious about. Is what she did that night considered as flirting or just friends?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 December 2013):
Hi, your follow up is a bit difficult to understand.
Are you saying that you will ignore her for now, until she makes contact and then you will surprise kiss her as your Christmas present to her?
And as far as her hitting on you, it was one night that she kissed you on the cheek and then sat on your lap, with her legs around you? And you didn't catch on that she was flirting?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell this one night, she came over my house for us to watch a movie. She was dressed up and looked like she put work in her outfit and makeup, then gave me a long hug. We were sitting on the couch and then she kissed my cheeked for like 10 sec tat her glasses got fogged up and she smiled, then she say very close to me and then we were playful flirting and we gave each other our phone passcodes. Then to top it all off she sat on me (like in a missionary position with both of her legs gripped on my waist) for a while as we were talking and no it wasn't that she say on my lap.
I'm just planning to distance myself and ignore her for a week or two until she starts wondering where I am and starts missing me.. She gave me an early Christmas present, so once she does wants to see me I'm just going to pick her up and give her a Christmas present (I just surprise kiss her) I've noticed what do I have to lose.. It's better than not doing nothing, I rather cause some tension or reaction from her. What do you think?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 December 2013):
I had a big crush on a guy, after he had a crush on me, but he never asked me out, so that feeling faded, because I felt rejected. We stayed friends because we had lots of mutual friends and then one day a girlfriend of mine told me she thought he was really hot and I looked at him with fresh eyes and saw what she saw. Long story short, we've been married for a long time now.
If you REALLY REALLY like this girl and see a future, then:
keep in contact with her
don't hang out with her when she's dating other guys
convince her close friends that you are an amazingly hot guy--this involves flirting with them and being brave
if she EVER shows any interest in you as more than a friend, don't f*ck it up and chicken out, ASK HER OUT AT THAT VERY MOMENT
I'm a bit concerned that she actually said out loud that she doesn't see you as a romantic interest and that she wants to be single, but then gets flirty with another guy literally behind your back.
I would distance myself from her, if you really want to date her, get her friends to see you as extremely date-able and then, let it go.
How exactly did she hit on you that you didn't see it?
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