A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I had an affair for about 7 months, both my lover and I told our spouses.Both of our spouses want to try and work on our marriages.My lover said he told his wife he would give the marriage another chance. So we were stopped visiting and only spoke to each other for work related reasons.I spoke to him after 3 weeks.He said he was sorry that i was so sad and he did not want me to cry because he does not feel that i should have any reason to be sad because he is not in love with his wife.He loves me but he feels he owes her another chance. I feel like he is giving me hope that is not there, If that makes any sense. I also believe that maybe he is pretending to give his wife a chance but he really is not because when I have spoken to him he always tells me he loves and misses me.He also said that he does not know how much more his wife is going to tolerate because she is trying really hard and she knows that he is not.Plus he refuses to tel her that he will stop having anything to do with me and he will not answer her when she asked him if he was in love with me.I am confused. If this man were to ask me to marry him, I would do it in a heart beat.So, to add to my confusion, my husband wants to make our marriage work and is willing to forgive me. I have not told my husband that I have loved him for about 1 year. I wish I wanted to make my marriage work but I do not know how for I can not stop missing and crying over my lover.How can I be in love with one man with hopes that he will chose me eventually and give my marriage a second chance at the same time?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): Just for the record, my lover and I have not had sex. It was more of an emotional affair. although I appreciate your responses I did not get my questioned answered, I do not think.I want to work on my marriage but do not know how to get over my lover.I do not feel that I can give my husband 100% if I am constantly missing another. I have pretty much accepted that my lover will probably chose or already has chosen his wife. I just do not know what to do next.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): Well you found yourself in a pickle and the last thing you need is others judging you. Affairs usually happen because the needs you have in your marriage were not being met and thus why you resorted to outside sources to fulfill your needs. you need to ask yourself if you were ever happy in your marriage, and if you guys could ever get back to that point. if your husband could ever meet your needs or if you will be spending the rest of your life in regret longing and wishing to be with your lover. you have just one window of time to work things out with your husband but you have an indefinite time to be with your lover. so take your time and not rush into your decisions and least be at a place where you will have no regret either way.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (31 January 2009):
 I tend to agree with Ginalolabrid. When I hear about people complaining about affairs it reminds me of childrenwhining. When you begin these type of things, you are entitled to nothing. You get scraps,leftovers and even those are more than you deserve. I don't want that to sound mean but you need to understand that when you begin something that is wrong, just because you like it doesn't mean it becomes a good thing. If I steal a car and become attached to it, do I deserve it? No I don't. You and your lover have stolen other people's spouses.
You deserve to be happy but you looked in the wrong places and were unable to stop yourself. You put your needs above what is acceptable beaviour. It is a common trap.
If you want to be happy, you need a clean slate. Only then, when your head is clear, can you move forward.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (31 January 2009):
 While I do not have any personal experience with this kind of thing, I have first hand knowledge of two similar relationships that sound much the same - married women friends who became involved with married men. In both cases, one that lasted three years and the other over a year, it turned out that the male love interests were really simply treating the women as mistresses. Although the men always talked of deep love, and how they would eventually leave their wives, etc., it was all just a big charade.
There is no way for me to know that your situation is the same, but this is what some married men do in order to satisfy their nefarious desires. My hope is that you have not fallen into such a similar ruse by a man who really just wants extra sexual activities, and is willing to say and do almost anything to fulfill such desires.
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (31 January 2009):
 Your marraige is over. You don't love him and do not want to be with him. I think that you and your lover are very selfish giving your spouses false hope. You both need to leave them even if not to be with each other. Who wants to be in a loveless marraige? If you and your lover end up together then so be it. Either way it's time for you to move on from your husband. You are hurting him more by staying now then you would be by just leaving. Your lover is doing the same to his wife.
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