A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I came across this site in search of advice and would appreciate any answers. This is a bit complicated... i'm friends with a guy, we used to have a casual thing going a while ago, this is no longer the case. Now, he is seeing somebody and i currently am not, when he got with her i was pretty crushed i'm not going to lie but that's life. We remained in touch as friends, although i found this to be pretty hard i pretended i was ok with it. Now, this is the part where people are probably going to think i'm scum but a few months back me and him, one drunken evening had sex. Now, i know the alcohol is no excuse but that's what happened. I wish it never happened but it did. The thing is, i obviously am now 100% sure that us remaining "friends" is not going to work seeing as we ended up doing what we did. It breaks my heart but i know i need to cut him out of my life. The thing that's making it harder for me is that he is being deployed for 6 months next year and asked if i would write to him and i said i would. I said i would mainly out of guilt, i mean what if i cut him out of my life now and when he's deployed something bad happens to him? I'd never forgive myself. I know most people deployed come home ok but there's still a chance something bad could happen and part of me feels like i'm staying in contact not just because i have feelings for him but i'm scared about him being injured or worse. What do i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): Maybe it would be better to just be honest and tell him you have feelings for him, and don't want to interfere in his relationship. Then he would know what was what.
If he needs support at a difficult time, he now has a girlfriend who can take on that role.
It's possible he's confused about who he wants, but if so he needs to make his mind up so nobody gets any more hurt.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): OP: what was the quiz for? i'm not an alcoholic thanks, infact i hardly even drink so that's kind of insulting. I came on here for advice not to be made fun of. Thank you to the other poster though.
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A
male
reader, anonymous4321 +, writes (7 October 2010):
firstly u wud need to accept that he has someone else even though it hurts...u having sex with him was wrong and right lol....wrong bcuz he has someone else, right because you both still hav feelings for eachother that needed to be expressed....and trust me just because u guys arent together and he has someone else doesnt mean you cant still love eachother...me and my gf broke up but we still love eachother. even if we find other people we'd be there for eachother in the drop of a dime...but we sumwhere along the line realised its not working...this leaves the relationship open so that just incase he wants you he can have you but that doesnt mean wait around...go on with life...as far as writing him is concerned i say yes of course write him but keep the letters casual no huge set of lovey dovey...keep it on a friendship level but show you care...i think you shud try your very best to keep it on a friend level...keep him around...you never know :-)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): Well, life can be difficult and you clearly are having a difficult time with this.
You are not scum, but you probably are lonely.
You may have another problem and not want to accept it.
Take this quiz, it originates from John Hopkins University, and is quite good.
If you score high enough, then go see your doctor or your counselor.
http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htm
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