A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know this is crazy and hardly to be acceptable. He is my ex boyfriend's close friend. Should I say hello and seek acquaintance with him? I have just got broken with my ex since last week. But, here are some points to consider about my case:1. I had NOT got any notice or feeling for my ex's close friend before when I was still in the relationship with my ex. Feeling has just started this week after the break up. Being with my ex was not happy all the times, even sometimes very depressing, but I just got feeling for my ex, simply because I'm faithful.2. Reason for the new feeling:- I found out he got many hobbies and life style similar to me. Favorite pet, indoor and outdoor activities, sorts of book and movie, food taste, life opinions,...- He is a man with stable mind and transparent personalities. Friendly and easy-going, but still in a safe distance with female friends, co-workers, and acquaintances. No students as friends on his personal Facebook friend list... Totally opposite to my ex, many female co-workers and students got feeling for him! And there are hundreds of students on his personal Facebook page, 2/3 are pretty females, just some males.- He got broken with his ex girlfriend few months ago. Still be single for now.3. He's my ex's close friend. How could I...?4. He's the first man I have ever seen in my life having lots of things in common with me such that!Should I say hello to him? He must know about me already (my ex used to tell him about me as a person having the same favorite pet), but we have never got any talk together, even not friends on Facebook. If I should, how to start it? By what ways?Please give me some wise words. I would be very appreciative.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you iAmHereToHelpYou, chigirl, and Honeypie for your answers. So there is a same idea from you all for my case, that I should wait for at least a few months, right? Actually me and my ex had got broken 4 times in just 6 months. The break up last week could see as the last time, ended completely, no more regret. Just getting out of a serious relationship, I really have no need to get a new one soon, I need a rest. Until I found out my ex's close friend got so many things in common like me, that likely recovered my belief for life, made me smile when I "see" him. Yes, I secretly visit his personal page... enjoy all tbe pictures and videos of his pets (the favorite pet was the first thing I got to know since my ex told, the others I discovered myself), gardening, cooking, messages from the books, thinking and point views,... The different things are just our names, ages, jobs, and genders. This is the first time in my life I have ever got to know about a person like that.Okay, so I'll wait for at least a few months. Then I'll eat take a big glass of beer to gain some brave, then say hello. Or just forget about that man, and wait for decades more to see another one similar to that, next life, probably.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (11 March 2013):
 No, don't go hunting for a replacement THAT soon. YOU just broke up with your now ex.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 March 2013):
 WAIT! It's just been a week since you and your ex broke up. Wait a bit longer before you make contact with the best friend.
I have sort of been in your situation, and it's not impossible for this to work out. Some years ago I broke up with my then boyfriend. Now, his best friend and I hadn't really talked much, I didn't even like him because he was always rude to me. But then after me and my then boyfriend broke up, I happened to run into the best friend on the street. We talked for a bit, and he was actually nice. For the first time. We started talking more, and he confessed to me he had a crush on me for quite some time, but couldn't do anything as I was the best friends girlfriend. We kept seeing each other, without my ex boyfriend knowing. We never entered a relationship though, and I don't think it would have worked simply because it was SOOO soon after the breakup.
Which is why I'm telling you you need to wait.
But even so, I no longer speak to my ex boyfriend, but I am friends with the best buddy. Been friends now for years. By now he's married and expecting a child, and I'm good friends with the wife as well (with emphasis on good friendship, we've all been in bed together). So, it is possible to befriend an ex's best friend. We just don't push the friendship in my ex's face.
Befriend him if you want, slowly. But do not move forward too fast, and wait a good while before moving for a relationship. You need to get over your ex first, get over your past relationship, and have him out of your system. Once you're over your ex (and that takes more than a week) you can start thinking about entering a new relationship.
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