A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so let me just give you guys a little bit of my backstory before I get into my question. I have a friend. She is a girl. I'm in love with her (heard it a million times before, I know). So I asked her to be my girlfriend a couple months ago and she rejected me because "there just isn't anything there" (whatever that's supposed to mean). So anyways, I was all heartbroken and depressed but we remained friends and our friendship actually grew much much stronger. It got to the point were I almost didn't care that I wasn't going out with her (even though I was still madly in love with her). But lately, I've been wanting her more and more and I don't see her feelings about me changing, which puts a great amount of stress on my life. So what I was considering doing was just telling her that I don't want to be in contact with her anymore or talk to her anymore becuase it is too painful being around someone who doesn't reciprocate my feelings. The way I see it this could work 1 of 2 ways: either (a) she realizes she wants me in her life and decides to go out with me, or (b) she goes along with it and never talks to me again. So should I take the risk and tell her I don't want her in my life anymore??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): Thanks for all the advice, guys.
A
female
reader, jopa +, writes (25 March 2010):
That would definately work...but its a 50/50 step..
she might not care at all if u left..
or she might meiss u terribly
so before you walk out of her life
!.make sure u r okey with you walkin away..without missing even her friendship
!. and make sure u give her a reason to miss u...probaly u always make her lauugh ...and she will miss her..or u r always there for her...something she will miss...Godd luck on what ever u decide...
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 March 2010):
 You can keep your hopes alive if you still maintain a friendship with her.
No matter what you do now , it will not cause her to change her stand unless your fundamentals have changed.
It is really silly and immature to force her hand now and the only loser will be you .
You are not in her priority list or match her ideals. Losing you will not be any loss as you are only her options.
Telling her that it is too painful to maintaining this friendship is not advisable. Keep that comment to yourself.
You don't want to burn the bridge because someday who knows ,you may want to go over to her.
Just treat this friendship like a normal one and leave it like that.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (25 March 2010):
 You need to move on being around this girl is a crutch. she is the one missing out trust me most women want someone who will love them the way you love her but if she cant see that then its her loss. I suggest explaining to her your feelings, there may be another reason she doesnt want to be in a romantic relationship with you. i say get to the bottom of it she might be testing you. i say give it a shot make this girl fall for you. she will end up wth ten kids by some jerk if you dont
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A
male
reader, ShamanScruff  +, writes (25 March 2010):
Dude friends come and go, if you really really love her, and she doesn't love you, then honestly from experience with several friends in this situation, would walk away...
Why? Because you're waiting around for someone who just may never come, and miss out on all the truly beautiful wonderful girls out there who will not only be amazingly good to you, but also love you just as much.
Let her go dude, if she doesn't come back, who cares, your not being fair on you, time to suck it up and find what you deserve, someone who loves you too :)
I'm willing to bet after 2 weeks you'll be dating and you'll realise just what a good dude she missed out on you are, and that will bring you some confidence to find someone great. Trust me man, you'll do fine. Walk on!
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): Oddly enough, this sounds exactly how me and my boyfriend started. We were friends for a few months, and we had a lot of fun hanging out, and I adored his friendship - but he wanted more. He asked me out many times, but I had just gotten out of a (kind of) serious relationship, so I didn't want anything. I dated other random guys who didn't mean anything to me, and he just sat by and painfully watched as it happened. Finally, we went out for a movie and coffee, and he tried one more time, but I just put my foot down and said "No. I can't do it." He told me that he just couldn't be friends with me. He said that it hurt too much, so he wouldn't be able to talk to me for a while so that he could get over it. I agreed, and was a little relieved. However, probably not even a week later, I realized that there was no more danger in saying "Yes" to him than saying "No" and ruining anything we might have. So I came back around, and I said that we could try it. We've now been together for almost a year and a half, and we've never been so happy. We're living together and planning on moving together this summer.
I wouldn't make it a big decision for her to make... Like, "Date me, or I won't ever speak to you again."
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A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (25 March 2010):
 Regardless of what your final decision is, you have to make it for you. Making a decision because you want someone else to like you is doing so without thinking of yourself. Personally, I think you need to ask yourself what you want. Would you rather spend your life chasing a girl who may never like you or would you rather move on and someday meet a girl who feels that way about you?
At the end of the day, this is a decision that you need to be able to live with because the only person that will be present in both decisions is you.
One thing that I think that needs to be said is that your friendship with this girl is not friendship. Not to be harsh, but your friendship with this girl is simply an excuse for you to continue trying to get her to become attracted to you. Friendship implies two people who do not want to be more than friends, which is not the case here.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (25 March 2010):
 She has already said she does not want to be in a romantic relationship with you. Threatening to remove your friendship is not likely to inspire her.
Why not just stay friends and see if anything develops down the line without the veiled ultimatums? If tho, it really is hurting you too much to be friends, then end the friendship.
Bottom line tho - Don't go through with your plan unless you are willing and prepared to loose her as a friend too, coz that is probably what will happen.
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A
female
reader, tmama +, writes (25 March 2010):
I feel for you. Tell her how you feel. Set a time line in your own mind dont give her a ultimatum she could feel like she is backed into a corner and come out fighting.If after your time line has passed your just friends be happy with that and go out and find someone that wants to be more then friends.good luck and know theres someone for eeveryone
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