A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello thank you!So I was with my ex for about 2 years when we were younger. He was sweet, caring, attentive and loving We got along well. I was very much in love with him. I was 5 years older and had 1 child. He was a virgin, and I was his first real relationship. His parents were very strict he wasnt allowed to date and if he did she had to share the same faith bo children. I unfortunately didn't have what they wanted so we went our separate ways but I never forgot him. Fast forward 5 years later, we reconnected on Facebook. He was separated and had a daughter. However he wasn't the man I knew years prior. He was an alcoholic and into drugs. I tried desperately to help him. I involved his family and he did go into treatment twice. Unfortunately, he did end up passing away. I was in shock, bitter, denial and it really affected me. I ended up talking with his twin brother for several months and developed feelings for him. Sounds bad? Probably. He admitted he also had feelings for me. I think with him losing his twin brother he took it very hard and ending up not communicating or maybe he wasn't interested I cant be completely sure but at any rate he was mourning. I still think of him . Am I wrong to feel this way? It's been a year. Should I reach out? Thanks for your advice
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 November 2021):
 Sounds bad? Yeah very bad.
His twin is not a replacement. Find someone healthy someone you can have a NEW history with.
Take a page out of the Twin's book, he didn't contact you. Which probably means he didn't think it was appropriate to start something with you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2021): You can pursue it, but don't expect the twin to be a clone of his brother.
Your feelings may only come out of sharing grief. Be careful when seeking romantic-connections during periods of vulnerability and high-emotion. You're not cognizant of the red-flags and deal-breakers. You're in a state of grief and desperation. Not thinking clearly. You may also be feeding on the energy of post-traumatic stress. A continuation of the past, feeling you can finish something that ended before you were ready. He's not a replay of the past. He is in the present. He is a different individual.
People tend to expect twins to be alike in every way; their similarities may be there, but they are individuals and responsible for their own faults and actions. Then there's looking for a "duplicate-replacement;" hoping for a different outcome. Don't use his brother as a lab-experiment, to see if you can get his dead-brother back without all the flaws. That's not healthy, and you may not be accepting his brother entirely on his own merit. You might be substituting. Looking to revive or resurrect the deceased-twin; and hoping you can try it all over again. There's something most troubling about that. It's too much like something out of a science-fiction movie; or from one of those old movies in black and white. Just a little creepy.
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