A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my fiance for 7 years now.Writing in about a problem affecting him.I'm 37, fiance's 2 years older. No kids, just a pet cat and six cavies.An influencer, who's 23, has kept on emailing him asking for dates, sent him sexy lingerie photos and bikini photos (which he's shown me) and even left voicemails and phoning him at 4 in the morning with dirty phone calls telling him how sexy he is.My fiance is a freelancer and well-known in our town, he's never met this woman in person but heard of her from my friends who follow her makeup and athleisure wear blog/vlog. She's apparently also a vlogger too.He's got so fed up of it he went to the cops, but they said no threats were made so little could be done.What can we do to stop this influencer woman harassing my fiance?She lives 13 miles away from us, so not that far, but she's not a local here.You're probably thinking, "woman trying to have affair with engaged man", and you're right.Not so good? On this woman's blog, there's a post about how my fiance is hunky and "I wouldn't mind seeing his well-built body" and even "He's gotta be single, he's that attractive... and he's AMERICAN FOR THE WIN!".]She's obviously seen his promo videos he's done on his website and talks he's given about certain things, not TED talks, just talks at a university.Well, technically, my fiance was born here in a suburb of Windsor, so he's Canadian,but his dad's American and his mom's from Missisauga, so he's technically both.My fiance has a hybrid Detroit and Torontonian accent, and some people think he's American.But he never shows typical American behaviors and is sometimes embarrassed to be American, due to recent events and the state of the country because of Trump and Biden.He's never even lived in the US, ffs!!My fiance just wants this to end, but does not know how to do so, since he didn't expect this to happen.I want to help him but am unsure how to, as he's asked for help from me.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (6 November 2021):
 I have a couple of questions of my own:
- If you have been with your boyfriend for 7 years, how come you are not married yet? Most people have either made a commitment to each other or split up a lot sooner than that.
- If this annoyance thinks your fiance is single, he must keep your relationship very quiet, otherwise this silly young woman would be aware of it. While I don't believe you should have to flaunt any relationship, it sounds like yours is a closely guarded secret. Why?
It's easy enough to block people's telephone numbers these days. If she is being a nuisance - which I agree she is if she is phoning him at silly o'clock - then just block her. Or YOU could answer and ask her what the hell she wants!
Not sure why you are making a big deal out of the "American" thing. It's really neither here nor there and insignificant in the grander scheme of things.
You don't say how long this has been going on so I am going to assume that it's not very long. Why are you and your fiance even checking her blogs or wherever it is she posts about him? If she doesn't get a reaction from him, she will get bored in time and move on to someone else. In the meantime, hang onto the thought that "there is no such thing as bad publicity" and enjoy any advantage your fiance's business may gain from her drawing him to the attention of an audience he may not have reached, were it not for her.
She is a vexation at worst. Stop letting her get to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2021): Maybe you should give your pet cavies away. Because there must be some still unexplained link between pet cavies and personal problems..In the last 12 months or so , there must have been at least 15 posts, maybe more ,mentioning pet cavies. Cheating husband ?..they have pet cavies at home. Bullied at work?...they have pet cavies at home. No sex life ?..pet cavies at home. It's strange , and it must mean something .Perhaps pet cavies bring bad luck in love, who knows.See if after re-homing your pets ,your luck changes...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2021): Hmmm. This sounds like the Canadian story teller. Same M.O and same method of writing and similar story details. Keeps posting here. Maybe you need to go into creative writing instead?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2021): Well, public exposure makes us more susceptible to contact from people we don't care to hear from. Your boyfriend has a website; and that means you're going to be contacted by people you want to hear from, and from some you don't. If you have a business, and advertise publicly on social media, you can't keep the kooks away. Lottie, Dottie, and everybody has access to your website.
Pardon me, but it seems to me you're bragging a little. BTW, how does she have his private number?
I'll be honest with you. The police are right, she hasn't really committed a crime. All she does is make flirtations and comments on her website. Most of what you've complained about is usually blocked or just ignored. She has freedom of speech, and expression; and you can't stop her from complimenting your boyfriend. I don't see how it's all that upsetting. It's adolescent social media nonsense. It might even be enhancing his business, all the free publicity. Nobody's taking her seriously...well, other than you; and maybe your boyfriend. It just seems more like harmless foolishness. Annoying? I would agree, if it's constant; but repetition gets old, and her followers will tire of hearing about him.
I think he's more flattered than he's letting on; and has to behave as if he's annoyed for your sake. Especially, if you keep after him about it.
Best solution to all this. Ignore her! Even the police will tell you that's all you can do; until she breaks the law. Telling a guy he's a hunk isn't a crime, and very few men are offended by being told that. It's a pain in the butt that will eventually just fadeaway. She'll just get tired of ranting about him; and her followers expect new material. To be a good influencer, you have to have fresh ideas. Hunk or not, your boyfriend is a little too old to maintain the continued interest and popularity within her age-group and following. One day, he'll miss it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2021): Have he told her he`snot interested?
if not Maybe he should try telling her.
let him stop ,better still block her.
P S
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2021): But i ask,
Why must he pick up those calls?
If i were in your fiance`s shoes i would block her,tell her not interested.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2021): It is up to your fiance if he wants it to end. You say it is his problem and it is bothering him, but you are the one who is most bothered by it. If he is a grown man he can ignore her. That is what loads of grown adults do every single day, ignore those who pester them or want to date them. If you ignore them they eventually get the message and disappear and go and pester others instead.You are worried that he will start to want to meet her or date her or sleep with her. If this were a very old ugly woman or a man you would not be worried, but because it is someone attractive and young you see her as competition. You go into all of the ins and outs of how far away she lives etc as if she is an obsession and a real threat.Be honest with yourself. You are not sure that your fiance really loves you and is devoted to you or this would not bother you so much.Of course the police cannot do anything. Common sense tells you this person has not broken the law so they find it a total waste of their time and resources if they do anything, they have real crime and are short staffed! How would you feel if your taxes went up to cover thousands of petty things like this being dealt with by the police?The most they could do is talk to her and warn her that he does not want to hear from her! Big deal. It would make her more keen and determined.There are always ways you can shake off unwanted admirers even if it means you change your screen name, remove photos, change phone number, it might be drastic action is needed, but moaning about it for hours achieves nothing.He is a man? So let him fight his own battles.If my guy had a woman pester him it would not bother me at all, because I know for a fact he really loves me.This is how you would be if you were sure of yourself and trusted him. Maybe it is just as well that you are not married - yet - it gives you a chance to see how your relationship really is, now, far better than after a marriage where the cracks might show and it is too late to call it off.If you keep on at your fiance about it he will start to lose interest in you and she will seem like a far more exciting proposition. It gets boring to keep going on about something! And one thing men like is a woman who is sure of herself, the more she makes it clear she is lacking in confidence and needy the more it puts them off.
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