A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am on placement in the city and he is in his graduate job so we are both hardworking adults in our 20s (I am 21 he is 22). He keeps mentioning us moving in together when I graduate, even looking at places we could potentially live (this would be in 2 years time after I return to uni for a year however). I feel under quite a lot of pressure here, I am not certain that I want to look for employment straight out of uni or if ill even be able to get a job straight out of uni. I am not certain where I want to live as will go where the work is and if its in the city im keen to possibly move closer to the city as I am finding at the moment it is a long tiring commute. Should I talk to him about this or should I wait til nearer the time in case my decision changes? Don’t want to cause argument on things that are that far in the future and that I may change my mind about anyway.On a more short term basis, he occasionally mentions us moving in together which I try and brush off as I don’t know what to say. I would love to see him more and would actually like to. We have discussed the financial side as I cant afford half the rent and bills I would pay half the rent and he would pay the bills as he says he is paying them already and is actually earning nearly 3 times my wages especially given my train fare. However, moving in together would only be up until I went to uni, I wouldn’t move all my stuff in and would visit home as its only a 15 minute drive away. Is moving in together pointless given the cost and how near he is anyway? I don’t tend to see him in the week which I really miss so this would give me the opportunity. However im worried if I moved in now, I would be obliged to move in again after uni which I don’t want to really commit to yet as I don’t know where ill be then. However saying that I love my boyfriend, he has been a friend, boyfriend and my rock recently as ive had a tough few months but he has stuck beside me and would love the chance to spend more time together. What are people thoughts? Thank you in advance.
View related questions:
moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2011): sure why not. I mean, just because you move in together now it doesn't mean you're signing your entire life away. Things can change, things do change as the situation changes. just be open and upfront on your plans for your future so that he's on the same page as you. if you tell him everything you're thinking and he's not on the same page, then don't move in.
A
female
reader, questionable2009  +, writes (23 November 2011):
I'd seriously just tell him that you are flattered by the idea of moving in together one day, but you just can't see it being the right time while you are studying.If he wants to pry further, then give him your honest answer about not knowing where you'll be once you finish uni. Tell him you look forward to the day where you can live together comfortably and not be worried about costs of bills, rent etc while studying. Tell him its more a convenience thing at the moment and that doesnt mean that one day you wouldnt want to live with him.If he doesnt understand this then hes not being very respectful of your feelings! But hopefully he understands where youre coming from. Living with a boyfriend is great fun but sometimes people do it for the wrong reason - such as sharing costs but what happens when you break up? Or on the other end, living together but struggling to pay bills and rent and whatever else and it then puts strain on the relationship (similar to your case).All the best!
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 November 2011):
 2 years away???? When I discussed moving in with my boyfriend 9 months away people said it was too early. You should tell him it's too early to know where you'll be in 2 years, but you'll be excited to talk about it then.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 November 2011):
 I'd simply say that while you appreciate his feelings on moving in together and his desire to support you, that you can't make those kinds of long-term plans at this point in your life.
Tell him you're happy to discuss what it would be like but are not willing to commit to something that is 2 years off in the future. A lot can change, as you already know.
If you're not ready to move in with him, don't. And be honest about it. That doesn't mean you have to be mean or cruel, just be honest and open about your feelings and doubts.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 November 2011):
 It's TWO YEARS AWAY.. just tell him that and say you can discuss it further when it gets closer.. no need to plan something two years from now...
if you have mixed feelings then do nothing
you are young and only 15 minutes apart...
I'd keep things the way they are.
...............................
|
