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Should I make a move on the hot, funny and intelligent guy I work with?

Tagged as: Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 September 2005) 15 Answers - (Newest, 7 October 2005)
A female , *iz1234 writes:

I have a bf have been with him for three years in November but I am not sure how I feel about him anymore because I find he is too controlling and we have not much in common.

I just started a new job and have met this new really gorgeous, funny, intelligent guy. We get on like a house on fire and have so much in common. At first we were so flirty and close every time we had a conversation standing up we were only centimeters apart and then I emailed him and came clean with my feelings and told him everything. He said he was flattered, thought I was absolutely gorgeous and told me he had had his eye on me since I started work but he had a gf for 1yr and 1/2 and was happy. After the email though we started texting and I was always starting it with’ hey good looking…’

There was one text I told him he looked hot because one day he was at work looking more amazing than ever he then replied with ‘you should see me in my b'day suit’ and I replied ‘bring it on’ and he didn’t reply. It was all going good till recently. I asked him if he saw a future for us he said no because he was happy with his gf but was really tempted by me so I told him I had an urge to kiss him and he told me we shouldn’t get too close and we should stop texting as much and he would stop flirting with me.

We still muck around at work but it’s not the same. I have told everyone at work I broke it off with the bf so it would get back to him and I hoped he would make a move but no change yet. I am trying to dress more provocative to catch his eye more and I am trying to get close again with out too much pressure. We are going to a work function having a few beers after work next Friday he made it clear to all he wants to get smashed. I was thinking maybe I should seize the opportunity and make a subtle move?

I just can’t get him off my mind and desperately want him to leave his gf. Also at work we have a chance to win a holiday for the entire branch staff of 10 and partners to enjoy a weekend away. He was mucking around talking about it but made it clear he would leave his gf at home he said he would have more fun on his own. I thought if we won I could take an opportunity then too, to make a big move.

What do you think? I dont want to lose him completely like I almost did, but I can’t get him out of my head. He is perfect and I want something more like a kiss or an embrace to come about. How do I get him to come to me? I have also spoken to another trustworthy guy at work that told me the guy I like has walked all the way out the back to see him and has said to him more than a few times that, quote, "man she is looking hot today." Help!!!!.

View related questions: at work, flirt, I work with, move on, text

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A female reader, Green_Eyez +, writes (7 October 2005):

This man sees you as nothing more than an easy lay and you are going to end up very, very hurt. You have absolutely thrown yourself at him, massaging his ego like crazy, and he basically knows you are a sure thing. All that crap about him being 'caring and sensitive' and scared to leave his comfortable relationship - stop kidding yourself and stop trying to justify your immoral behaviour. Find your own man and stop trying to steal someone elses. Who the hell do you think you are judging their relationship? He has never told you anything other than he is happy - even if he is a little bit tempted by you. Move on - if he was that unhappy he would have left her by now.

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A female reader, MissMo +, writes (28 September 2005):

I hope you've already broken up with your boyfriend and aren't just holding on to him until you get this co-worker situation worked out. It's unfair to your boyfriend, which I'm sure you're aware of.

As for the co-worker situation - He seems attracted to you, but he also is consistent in telling you that he's happy with his relationship. It boosts his ego to know that someone (you) finds him attractive. He enjoys the flirting, but doesn't want to take it beyond that. I would leave him alone if I were you. Don't pressure him to leave his girlfriend, and don't read so much into his actions. You already know he is attracted to you, but when he says you're looking hot, it doesn't mean he wants to break up with his girlfriend to be with you. All he means is that you look good.

Good luck with your situation, but keep in mind that for the most part, situations like these tend to not work out. You sometimes get caught up in the new and exciting nature of it and start to formulate idealized notions of one another. The fantasy of it all is often better than the reality, though.

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A male reader, harshbutfair United Kingdom +, writes (23 September 2005):

harshbutfair agony auntLiz - you are either very brave and right or very foolish. Please keep us updated and whatever happens, good luck.

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A female reader, liz1234 +, writes (23 September 2005):

You don't understand. I am not being selfish. We share a massive attraction for each other and I honestly believe that he is just scared to leave her because he is comfortable. I can't stop thinking about him. He is perfection if I ever saw it, and no, I am not happy at all with my bf, and if you knew him you wouldn't be either.

I want this other guy so bad I simply can't help it. I know he wouldn't naturally be a cheater. He is simply too nice and sweet and caring and kind. In some ways though I wish he was. I am going to give it a go on Friday, see what happens.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2005):

Also consider what impact your behavior will have on your career. Most professionals do not appreciate such behavior. Coworkers are not blind and you may quickly lose respect if you continue such behavior.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2005):

you are a selfish person and on top of everything your gonna ruin this mans relationship with his girlfriend because of your lust for him, stay clear away from this guy be just friends, theres no point saying you cant has this has gone no further with you both, think about his girlfriend at home, and on top of that if this guy was truly interested he wouldnt of backed off when you put the word around your NOW SINGLE, IF HE WASNT HAPPY HE WOULD OF JUMPED AT THE CHANCE AND IS PROBABLY JUST FLATTERD WITH YOUR FLIRTING AND COMMENTS. and nothing more will come of it, you will look silly and end up been embarressed around this guy when it alls comes to an end, before its even begun!

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A male reader, harshbutfair United Kingdom +, writes (22 September 2005):

harshbutfair agony auntYou are in danger of becoming a bunny-boiler. Sorry.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2005):

Why do you want to break up a happy home? Why, because you are selfish! Leave the guy alone. He has said he is happy. If you were in a happy relationship with a guy how would you feel if some chick was trying to mess that up. You wouldn't like it one bit at all. Sort you own issues out first ie. get rid of your boyfriend then find someone that is not attached.

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A female reader, Happygoddess +, writes (22 September 2005):

Sorry.... I meant to type "your time would be better spent on available men who are looking!!"

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A female reader, Happygoddess +, writes (22 September 2005):

You seem to be missing the point. This guy has told you that he is happy with his girlfriend and to not text anymore. Why can't you respect his wishes?

Your time would be better spent focusing on unavailabe men who are looking.

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A female reader, sexseahot United States +, writes (22 September 2005):

sexseahot agony auntI think that you should leave well enough alone. He has told you that he's happy with his g/f, a few times. I wouldn't appreciate it if someone like you were trying to come on to my man. No matter how much you guys have flirted. How would you like if someone was doing the same to your man? I doubt you'd like it at all. He's told you that you guys shouldn't text as much, he don't seem like he has interest in you the same as you do for him. I would just leave it as it is and look for someone that is available to you, instead of trying to break a relationship apart. I don't understand how someone can do that to someone else's relatinship. You're talking about taking advantage of him when he's drunk. How would he feel the next day afterwards? He may never talk to you again or think of you in some other way. What you are wanting just isn't right. He's in a relationship and is happy. Why do you want to ruin that for him? There are so many more men out there. If he wants you and knows how you feel, he'll come to you. For now, just leave him be. I feel sorry for your boyfriend also. You have a boyfriend and you're trying so hard to get someone else's also. This just don't seem right to me. You need to get some priorities straight. Get rid of your boyfriend if you don't want him and find someone AVAILABLE!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2005):

I think you need to move on. It sounds to me like he's jerking you around, and you're worth more than that. It also sounds to me like the boredness with your boyfriend is making this guy more attractive than he actually is. Lay off this guy for a bit, and you'll see what a scumbag he actually is. In addition, breaking up with your BF would not be a bad idea, as you are obviously bored and in need of a change. THESE ARE NOT THE ONLY TWO GUYS OUT THERE. There is a thrird option. Go get him!

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A female reader, rxqueenie +, writes (22 September 2005):

well well well! i have been in this EXACT situation... i feel for u.

everyone knows that in most relationships u get almost a 2 year itch, u start looking around to the 'greener' side and almost every time someone will turn up!

ok got a few things to say firstly, the most important... u need to decide exactly how u feel abt your b/f. if u dont wanna be with him dont be dragging him along with false ope. it's not fair on either of u. be straight with him. tell him how u feel.

if after talking things dot work out for the best then deal with the guy at work. he seems exciting and fun... and if thats what u want then go girl! but to me it seems he is just playing. he may decide to cheat on his g/f and sleep with u. but beware... if he does do that, and u guys end up together... whats to stop him from doing that to u in the future!

if it were me i would work on the relationship i already have. 3 years is nothing to throw away. of course u will always be attracted to others but looking is fine! i wouldnt take the tspe further into cheating. that would cause more problems than what it's worth!

hope that helps and good luck! xx

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2005):

Give it up. Sure, he's attracted to you physically, but at the moment, he's already got something he doesn't want to give up.The flirting and talking that has happened between you two was simply that. Don't put yourself on hold for someone whose already taken. No offense, but he probably just wants to fool around with you so tread carefully if you pursue him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2005):

You have brought up two issues, here, firstly that you do not seem happy in your current relationship, and without complicating matters with any other men, you need to deal with your feelings on this matter and be decisive about what you want and then tell your boyfriend because it is not fair to string him along.

The other issue is with this guy at work. I think you need to be really careful here because you seem to have alot more to lose than he does. It does not appear that he is interested in having a relationship with you so you need to think about whether anything less than that is going to be satisfactory for you. This guy holds all the keys to completely messing with your head and it is up to you whether you want to let him or not. Remember that whatever you decide to do, you will have to deal with the consequences and part of that will be seeing him everyday at work. Good luck.

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